A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together almost a year. Before me he had never had a girlfriend, yet had slept around. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to forget about this past of his. Especially a certain girl who he claims he merely had a 'sex only' relationship with. They didnt go out, and he claims there were no feelings from his part and the girl would have 'been stupid' to assume it was anything more than physical. Yet he also has told me he led her on, lied about his intentions toward her etc. I trust him completely (even though it took him a while to tell me the extent of this physical relationship) and I love him more than anything. He's made me come out of myself and be confident and feel worth something so it's difficult for me to comprehended this prior relationship. I've bought this up with him multiple times, but now we've been together a quite a long time he's becoming less understanding about my issues surrounding this. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't want this hanging over our relationship, but I'm finding it very difficult to let go. Please help :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): Hmmm, he does seem slightly 'suspicious' with his lack of forthcomingness- but not necessarily so as he came around not TOO long after dating you;
Perhaps you need to ask why it bothers you? Trust aside, do you have a moral problem with how he conducted himself? Feel inadequate in yourself- OR in how he may treat you compared to her? These things should make a big difference, but are definitely not the only reasons.
Also, don't feel that because he helped you out of a bad time that you owe him for it. Your partner may be a great guy, but sometimes a 'rescuer' becomes a manipulator. Either case, your gratitude shouldn't matter when you weigh up if he's worth being with- everything else about him should!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): I just find it very difficult to accept there were no feelings at all. Its come to the point where I want to read his archived Facebook messages to see what they spoke about. I want him to be honest with me, but I cant help feeling there was more to the 'sex only' relationship than he has me believe. I do trust him, but I find it very difficult to imagine a sexual relationship with no feelings at all.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (29 July 2012):
 This is in the past, your just gonna have to deal with it, he was honest enough to tell u about his past when he could just of left it, you constantly asking him about something that has nothing to do with your relationship will push him away, you will lose him for nothing, bury it in the past and focus on the good things you have together
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (29 July 2012):
 What exactly is your issue with it? Do you think he might be doing the same to you as he claims to have done to this girl? Do you suspect he really did have feelings for her but denies it so you won't feel threatened?
Besides the fact that is was purely physical is there something else about it that makes it stand out from others? Is there something about her in particular?
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A
female
reader, I_Is_A_Duck  +, writes (29 July 2012):
I know completely how you feel. my bf now, always slept around right after losing his virginity.
And he is a huge flirt and tells me how he doesnt mean it, it's just how he is.
and sometimes it hurts just to think about it.
But just think if he was willing to actually BE in a relationship with you, thats obviously means that he has to be done with his sexing around.
You just have to trust him.
I know it's gonna be hard to get over but you'll get there.
Just remember that as long as he has feelings for you and visa versa it will be fine
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