A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm having problems in my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been going out for 2 1/2 years in an LDR. My boyfriend has been working really hard lately, so much so that I haven't seen him since the end of September whereas we were seeing each other once every other weekend. He had wanted us to move in together so I think the hard work is so we can save money. However, I have started to wonder if he really is just working and hasn't, in fact, found someone else.We last saw each other at the end of September when we went to his cousin's house to stay. My mum gave me a lift to our meeting point. I remember my Mum commenting to me that she thought it was odd that he didn't kiss me like he usually did when we met up and just walked on ahead to the car saying very little. We spent the evening at his cousin's house, but at the end of the evening when we went to bed he simply got into bed and went to sleep - there wasn't even a kiss goodnight.At the end of the weekend, we took a different route home. He asked me which was the quickest route, but he then started complaining that it was taking too long. As far as I knew he had nothing to get back for so I didn't understand what the rush was. He wouldn't come in for a cup of tea saying he wanted to get home and chill out. The following day I got a text from him from an old mobile number that he said that he had got rid of. I was reassured that the text wasn't racy or anything, but it aroused my suspicions that he wasn't being straight with me. I challenged him a few times about it, but didn't really get anywhere so I dropped the subject. However, he started bringing up the subject again saying that he had sold the phone.Since then I have been trying to arrange to spend some time alone with him so that we can discuss our relationship since I feel very insecure about it, however he keeps telling me he has to work. I have invited him to meet up twice where he has seemed very keen to start with only to blow me out at the last minute saying that he had to work. I started to feel disappointed so I haven't asked him to meet up again.It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I was pleasantly surprised to get a message from him wishing me a happy birthday because I hadn't heard from him much in the week running up to my birthday and had imagined therefore that our relationship was over. Yet, I am also disappointed that two weeks on there has been no card or gift like he would usually get me.I'm finding it hard to think that the kind, attentive, wonderful man that I fell in love with has disappeared at the moment or even forever. I have tried talking to him and meeting up with him but all the barriers have gone up. I don't want to end things with him as I love him so much, but I don't see what alternative I have. Any ideas?
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cousin, fell in love, insecure, money, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 hard as it is I think the best way to confront our fears is to face them head on.Phone him, ask if he has five minutes to spare, tell him you are feeling insecure and confused. Ask him if the relationship is over. If he beats around the bush and puts the barriers up again, I think you can take it he has either lost interest or has found somebody else.Tell him you are not prepared to live your life feeling as insecure and confused as you do, if no response I think it might be time for you to walk away. If he doesnt give you some decent believable answers dont hang around waiting for him, life is too short for that.
A
female
reader, mutherh +, writes (1 November 2009):
There are two answers to this question:1. He's exhausted from overwork and has lost sight of his original goal of you living together as a couple.Or2. He's moving on without you.Either way you must have an answer from him because you need to know where you stand before you can take your life forward.
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A
female
reader, xXAlexxX +, writes (1 November 2009):
I think his behaviour is pretty odd, and you really need to talk to him about it. I get that he's busy at work, and I know when my boyfriend is working hard, he tends to be very remote and tired, but your boyfriends behaviour is just plain wierd!You should tell him you need to meet up, apsolutely no excuses, and talk about your relationship.
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