A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was a single mom of two boys when I met "Bob". My previous relationship lasted 8 years and was very violent ending in CPS taking one of my children because of the abuse. It was either my ex or my boys and I picked my boys and currently have sole custody of both boys. My problem is that I met a guy 13 years my elder we have been togther for 6 months. I though he was the kind of man that I wanted. He's stable and works two jobs, he loves my kids and is very supportive of me, he gives me whatever he thinks will make me happy. I care about him but why dont I want to have sex with him. I am not sexually attracted to him at all. He is the total oppisite of my ex. He is the total oppisite of the bad boy type which is what I thought I wanted a nice family type man. So how come now that I have one I don't. Please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): Spend your life with abusive people, and pretty soon it doesn't feel like "real love" without that kind of drama going on again. Is this new guy the right guy for you, or does he mainly just seem so good because he's the polar opposite of the worst parts of your last guy? Maybe you need something closer to the middle to be satisfied in the long run.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): it sounds a lot like you have gone for the safe option, the one who will love you and always want to please you but will never excite you, at 26/29 maybe we place too much importance on needing excitement in 15 yrs your priorities will change 25 yrs they will change again, sex is a very small part of what keeps relationships together and if everything else is in place i would say you have ticked an awful lot of boxes with this man, if your violent ex has become impotent what would you have had left in that relationship?? Look at the bigger picture and dont write this one off just yet goodluck
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 Well done on binning the ex off in favour of your kids, so many dont! Thats something I just dont get!
But this guy sounds lovely. What a shame you dont see him like that in the sexual way. All i will say is, I have a mate that went back to her reliable lovely hubby after a couple of years with a complete bad boy that treated her like dirt, but she adored! and she said she wasn't attracted to her hubby sexually and it was a nightmare! But she has been back with him 2 yrs now and hasn't mentioned the sex side of it for ages now! So I am assuming she has got her head round it & definately seems more settled now.
I guess what i'm saying is hang on in there! There is a lot to be said for someone that you can rely on, guys like that are like gold dust believe me!
I cant help thinking there is more to life than amazing rip ya clothes off sex! And your guy is it basically!
Give it time, you will soon come to grips with the fact you have a gem and the sex side of it will come in time. If your kids like him and he is good with your kids, and you can trust him, go for it girl!
C xxxxx
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