A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girl rarely sleeps in the bed with me. she falls sleep on the couch damn near everynite. i work a lot so when i come home at nite i want to cuddle. she says im complaining too much , but i'm not im human who like affection. but when thgs arent going hood on her end i go broke for her. i feel so lonely and empty until i workon my days off just to feel wanted. It seems like she not into me. When i try to talk to her its always i dont wana hear it. i even went and lived with my sis for over a month thkin she gonna change but its like the samethg is going on. i love to go oit to dinner on the beach and we chill. then a couple of days later its back to reality with her. im tired but we hav been in eachothers life for 14yrs. I hurt going to work everydaybecause when i say i love u she ok. im to the point i feel so unwanted. Help....... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MissCommonSense  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Ok.
First off, this isnt some rarity. You've been together a long time and sometimes when that happens, we forget to appreciate the other. I say this, because I've been there. I've been the one the couch.
It's not that I didnt love my partner, I did. But we got in to a habit. I work from home and so it can be hard sometimes to turn off. We are on different timeschedules and I'd often stay up late and miss out on that vital "snuggling time" in bed.
But we knew we wanted to fix it . You need to speak to your partner and tell her how you're feeling. If she doesnt want to fix things, then there's a problem. However, you dont stay in someones life for 14 years if you dont care about them, so Im going to guess she will want to change things.
This is how my partner I dealt with it. Do all this together.
Make the bed nice. Nice duvets, covers, nice lighting etc. Go to a cheap store and pick up some nice bits together. Why not make over the bedroom?
Get into a routine, and not one that involves just getting in bed and sleeping. Having quality time. Even just sitting in bed reading together is nice.
Work from there.
A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (15 October 2012):
 It seems like the spark and excitement has definitely died for her though I think she still loves you. Try to go back to how you used to be when you first knew each other. Take her out to places. Visit the places you used to go to. Go for walks together, you don't have to spend loads of money and try to rekindle what you once used to have. Maybe you both need to get away from the hum drum of everyday life, unwind and relax. Give her the opportunity to pamper herself, to get dressed up in some nice clothes and make a bit of a fuss of her. It may gradually start to stir some of her old feelings, but don't rush her.
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