A
female
age
36-40,
*irdsofafeather
writes:Sorry this post is a little long, but I need help! :(I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 21. We have been dating on and off for about a year and six months now. After the first six months of dating, he broke-down and admitted to me that he has a kid from a past relationship he had in high school.I've had this feeling of discomfort and anxiety in my heart that goes deeper than the surface after finding this our from him because I was pregnant before with my bf's baby but I chose not to have the child because I wanted to do the best thing for "both of us" since we're young, still in college etc. It was a hard decision but he still told me he'd support me regardless of what I decided. This all occured before I knew that he had a child from a past relationship... which hurt me beyond anything after he told me about this, but I just sucked it up and bottled my emotions. I still wish to this day that he would've told me about his child in the beginning of our relationship before I was pregnant. I'm hurting a lot from this.. but anyway :(This "baby mama" of his found out that she was pregnant after they had already broken up and she insisted on having the child even though my boyfriend was against it. He told her if she still decided to have the child, he would support her regardless of the situation, which he has been doing for 3 years (his daughter is 3 years old) as she sucks out half of his paycheck each month for child support.The worst part is that this baby mama is a horrible/nasty/selfish person and has not let my boyfriend see or be a part of his daughter's life since she was born. She basically kept his daughter away from him on purpose.Now the situation is that my boyfriend is filing for "visitation rights" to be able to see his daughter again. Yesterday was the "mediation" at court since my boyfriend and the baby mama were unable to communicate in a civilized manner to sort things out.So naturally I went with my boyfriend to court so I could support him, but that's when reality settled in. I felt so uncomfortable and awkward being confronted directly with my bf's past. I saw the baby mama and she was so rude and wouldn't even speak directly to my bf, her mother was the only one who was "trying" to be civilized and talk to my bf through the whole ordeal even though she was passive-aggressive too.I can't stop thinking how badly my bf "screwed up" his life before me and no matter what I do, that "baby mama" and his daughter are a permanent part of his life whereas I am merely "temporary" since I'm only his girlfriend and anything could change in the future. Seeing his baby mama and daughter in person is a permanent scar and reminder that she was able to do what I wasn't... carry my boyfriend's child. And she will always have the upper hand over me because at the end of the day she still is the "mother of his child" and there's nothing I can do to change that. I feel so stupid and worthless as if I'm a "joke" in my own world. And now that he has visitation rights to see his daughter, I just don't know if or how I will fit in the picture dealing with all this emotional baggage. Also since there is an issue with transportation and neither my bf or the baby mama have a car, they will have to travel back and forth every other week to trade-off their daughter, which makes me even more uncomfortable because I'm not going to be around and my bf is forced to see this baby mama each time they meet up for visitation.I don't know how to deal with all the pain and emotions running through my head. I'm questioning my relationship and my motives because I am so uncomfortable and visitation hasn't even begun yet. If I'm feeling like this now, who know how much worse it will become in the future? :\Please please if there is anyone out there experiencing a similar type of situation with their significant other I would love for you to share your story here.. wether is be a success story or a story that ends in heartbreak... I need to hear some stories and advice to help me through this /3 Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): You resent a three-year-old girl for her existence.
Think about that.
A
female
reader, XOLoveOX  +, writes (29 December 2011):
All I am going to say is if he loves you he will stick with you no matter what his ex does. Your decision was hard to make I went through the same thing but I decided to keep her even though I was raped, the baby did nothing wrong so I didn't see the need for her to suffer whilst I was pregnant I met this guy who I fell in love with I was only 13 at the time but the only reason I decided to keep the baby is because I wasn't alone, your decision is fine and If he doesn't accept you maybe he isn't the guy you thought he was.
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