A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years.We've had a great relationship and have never really had any problems until recently. My boyfriend's friend has a new girlfriend. She's a very pretty girl and I'm really not trying to hate on her but she flirts with my boyfriend like crazy and I can't stop acting like it doesn't bother me.Now I know a lot of girls get intimidated and go crazy and make up or wrongly believe that a girl is flirting with their boyfriend, but that's not the case here, I know she does. She sends my boyfriend pictures, she says I love you all of the time to him, flirts with him, she tells him about her sexual past, what kind of sexual things she loves to do, the list goes on.I know my boyfriend has to be somewhat interested and maybe even enjoys listening to this girl who again is really attractive talk about sex and has to enjoy her flirting, he's a guy of course he does. She's like a new and exciting girl. The whole situation makes me uncomfortable that he's getting that attention from another woman. Weird part about it is my boyfriend's friend who is her boyfriend, was there and has heard a few of these inappropriate things she was telling my boyfriend and he didn't care at all. He's aware that she's flirty with my boyfriend and actually a lot of his other friends, but he is crazy about her and loves her and I respect that so I don't want to create any problems. I don't want to come in between all of this and come off as a crazy girlfriend but I don't like this situation that I'm in. I don't like feeling threatened by another girl. I don't know, maybe I'm just insecure. Can anyone give me advice as to what I should do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ZZhzi +, writes (9 June 2013):
Hello there!You are in a tricky spot. Two things:1) Over reacting increases her leverage/power. If you over react she has another reason to say to your boyfriend "See, she's 'crazy,' you'd be better with me"2) Under reacting means sets the precedent that she can act that way towards your boyfriend with no consequences. This is obviously not good.What you can do:You want to be careful not to push back too hard. One of the many reasons she could be acting like this is not necessarily to "get laid" but because she enjoys the feeling of being wanted and having that power over men, to make them want her. You, in this equation, would be an extension of that -- i.e., she is climbing the female social ladder, showing to you that because she can make any man want her (even one in an apparently happy, stable relationship). She may be trying to show she is better than you.You MUST be VERY CAREFUL to NOT feed into that crazy game. Regardless of how clever you go about playing that game, it will be a mess and will only provide her more opportunities to strike: a. your character directlyb. cause stress between you and your boyfriend which she could exploit to get in his pants.As a guy, I've had to deal with guys trying to steal away girls I've been dating several times. When the fact that you can bench 300lb+ fails to be a sufficient deterrent, and you don't want to be in another bar fight, more "under-the-radar" techniques are usually called for. Picture your relationship with your BF like a fort. You don't want to go around and announce to the world that you are worried about the strength of the walls, but when someone comes to test the strength of them, they "just so happen" to be in good repair and strong.Don't let her know you care! Every emotional instinct in you tells you to go after her in an angry, jealous way, but that will spell only loss for you. The only way to crush her challenge to you is to use logic over emotions.This entails several key things:1. Don't let her know you even acknowledge her flirting. You're above her; she is beneath you. Does a lion stop to talk to a toad?2. Men, like women, will take the path of least resistance to maximizing pleasure. In other words, people will do what provides the most pleasure and takes the least amount of work/effort. If she is offering easy (hot) sex, out bid her. If you are around her and her boyfriend, spice things up. When they turn away or are not looking, reach you hand into your BF's pocket, and grab the car keys -- looking up with coy, playful eyes. It's naughty -- he'll like it. This will readjust any focus that may have shifted to her, back to you. The rest of the time he is there and she is going all out on him, he should be thinking "in about an hour after we leave, I will be getting laid by my beautiful girlfriend."3. Kiss him in front of her but DO NOT LOOK at her before or after as this will only signal that you "know" you're playing a game with her. You're above her; she is beneath you.If you feel uncomfortable "using sex" remember that is what she is doing; SHE is using sexual appeal to get what she really wants, be it a new BF, being desired, etc.4. Do not let him be alone with her. This is obvious, but is important to remember that while a guy's heart may be firmly in the right place, his penis may not be. A push up bra has a lot of power over men, and if you throw in a few beers. I have been her, I had an ex's best friend try to seduce me like this (she was crazy FYI). I didn't do it, but I must admit it was frighteningly difficult to say faithful to my GF at the time, who I was crazy about.5. Do something new with you BF. Buy some new, sexy clothes (something for the bedroom perhaps) or open a new chapter in your life. Paint a picture of what his life would be like if you stayed; talk about the future with him, e.g., where you'd like to live, dream careers. Make up little fantasies together so before his lips touched hers he'd think "wait, I don't want to give up all of that."Remember. You're above her; she is beneath you. Don't fall into her traps. Good luck!
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