A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm feeling totally torn and don't know what to do. Found out 2 weeks ago that I'm pregnant to my bf of 2 years. We live together and have talked about having a child one day soon, but this is kinda unexpected and unplanned and I'm not sure how I feel about it because I have too many other responsibilities.I work full time in a demanding job which involves one 24 hour shift every week. At weekends, I return to my family home to help my father care for my younger sister who is severely disabled. This involves a 120 mile round trip, and is my father's only break during the week. She doesn't sleep at night, and my father is exhausted. He has noone else to talk to about the strain he is under except me. I don't mind this, but I am finding it very tiring to be helping out (which I want to do - I care about my family greatly), being pregnant, working full time, being a mate to my friends, and being a sexy girlfriend for my bf. I feel like I have always wanted kids, but I just can't see that I will ever be able to divide myself enough ways to satisfy all the demands on me. So, I'm kinda happy about being 8 weeks pregnant now, but at the same time, sometimes I think it is an extra stressor I can do without :( I'm scared that as I progress in my pregnancy, I'll be able to do less to help at home with my family, and am scared of letting them down or of them disliking my baby for taking up my attention. For these reasons, I haven't told them I'm pregnant :( I feel mean for thinking that about my baby :( If I had a 'normal' family life, didn't work so hard in the week, I think I'd be over the moon about being pregnant.I don't want an abortion, I want to keep my baby, I'm getting older and want a family with my bf, but I'm frightened of letting someone (my baby? my bf? my family? my boss?) down by not being able to give my fullest to everyone.I guess I need some moral support that I can cope with this, or that things will get better. My bf is happy about the pregnancy but worried about how we'll manage money-wise. I haven't really told him my worries and he doesn't really know the extent of how much my family rely on me at weekends, as I don't want to burden him with talking about it.I feel really stuck and really trapped :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): I don't really know what I can say about your work situation because everyone's got to earn a living!
As for your father's situation; I too have a disabled sister & she goes to rest-bite a few days a week throw our local authority,your family could look into that.
As for keeping all of this from your b/f that is really un-healthy you MUST discuss these things with him,there probably lots he wants to talk to you about as well!
A
female
reader, LovelyLemon  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 You cannot do everything for everyone, hun. You're one person with your own life and desires. There is rarely a "right time" to have a baby. There will always be changes and some strains on the mother and family. Though this is all miniscule compared to the happiness and fulfillment from having a child and building the family you have always wanted.
Consider yourself, your health, and what you want out of life. You want this baby, so let yourself be happy! Tell your family, as they will find out eventually. There will be many difficulties along the way, but it will all be worth it. You have obviously been working hard to improve the lives of others, and you deserve to have the life that you want.
Much love and Best wishes
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