A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a great guy for about 2 months. He's pretty much everything you could want. Handsome, thoughtful, selfless, caring, helpful, hard working, good father. And I'm sure more. There are some things I don't like of course, but I'd say the good out ways the bad by a land slide. Here's the problem. I'm not excited to see him. I don't have butterflies. I feel very " meh" about when we are to hang out. Kind of like if we see one another is fine, but if not that's ok too. I don't really look forward to our phone conversations. I'd much rather text with him. I feel crazy for not being head over heels about him. I think I should , but I don't. I know he likes me a lot. Maybe it has to do with me not ready for a relationship as I broken up with my boyfriend in the summer. I want to be into him but I'm just not. I don't like how he thinks of me as his girlfriend. I mean , we are just dating! He's a very big drinker and I'm not. I don't like how he always has alcohol , and (not just a few beers) when we are together. Any advice? I wouldn't mind seeing him on ocassion but right now I feel a bit smothered.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (6 November 2016):
 If you are not that into him, then you cannot force yourself to get excited about him. If the chemistry is not there, it's not there.
Not sure what the difference between dating someone and being their girlfriend is in your view but, frankly, I think that is the least of your worries.
The drinking would bother me and would probably be a deal-breaker, regardless of how wonderful he was.
In your shoes, I would very kindly and nicely tell him you have come to realize you are not ready for a relationship at the moment. Do the "it's not you, it's me" speech and spend some time alone to decide what it is you want from your next relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): I agree with everything Honeypie said, but I would also beware of the heavy drinking. I was married to an alcoholic and it sounds as if this guy has a drinking problem. I think you should be more relieved than worried that you're not into him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 November 2016):
 I would tell him that you have realized that you aren't ready to be dating. That you don't WANT to hurt him, but you feel he deserves more than you can give right now.
I would NOT suggest that you try and offer a "friendship" or FWB with this guy. I don't think that is what he wants and it feels a bit selfish.
Either stay or let him go. (the latter seems like the best option, for YOU and for him).
Sometimes timing just sucks. Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there.
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