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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm feeling unhappy.First off, my body - I have little breasts, but I'm not a thin, small framed beauty. They're out of proportion. I'm medium to big framed, not fat, but I have a couple of pounds to lose but I'm afraid as I'm already small on top and I've already lost some and I'm afraid that if I lose the weight that I have to lose and tone up I'll end up flat. It sucks because around me I see so many natural busty girls that are my age or younger, who've smaller frames and are thin already. I'd never get implants because they scare me. I just feel inadequate as I'm out of proportion I look weird as I'm thicker so small breasts don't look proportionate. How shallow, I know, but society puts emphasis on this and I can't just ignore it if it's in my face all the time. In my country and especially my town (South America), plastic surgery isn't common, it isn't mainstream, to the point that in my town there aren't plastic surgeons. So the girls I see most of the time with the ideal body, are all natural. It's unfair!Then I feel lonely. I haven't made close friends at college yet. And also, my college has been on strike for almost two months! I spend my time on my own, around the house, with no close friends to hang out with. And no classes. I feel dull! I feel useless.And I feel lonelier, because my bf's uni isn't on strike. And lately, he's been extremely busy (end of semester down here). He has exams, projects, etc. I barely see him. And we've had issues lately. He doesn't trust me too much (because I lied once) and he did something out of spite the other day, he went and visited a girl he used to like (and she flirts with him even though she knows he's taken) to help her with some uni project. He did this behind my back and lied to me about it (said he was at his friend's). But I forgave him immediately, and try not to bring it up even if I feel upset about it still, because I don't want to be resentful like he is (he still brings up past mistakes from more than a year ago). This and the fact that I haven't seen him, that he's been spending more time with his friends than me (becuase he works with them on the projects), make me feel a tad neglected. I know it's selfish of me, but I never see him and I expect attention from him. I see him like once a week. And even though he says it's nonsense, I feel like he doesn't miss me. he says he does, but if he says "If I can't see you because I've got stuff to do, that's reality. Why get upset?". The other day I broke up with him because he had said we were going to see each other and he blew me off last minute because he had some work to do. He hangs out with the guys and of course they don't work a lot and mess around much more. He also wouldn't pick up his phone which is annoying after the other girl incident. Later I said I was sorry and that I did want to be with him but that I felt left out. He got upset and told me it was a stupid reason to break up. He was very angry. That happened on Saturday. He still doesn't forgive me and brings it up and is angry at me. For the record, he has broken up with me numerous time for dumb reasons too, only to apologize later and I ALWAYS FORGIVE HIM IMMEDIATELY! Why can't he do the same? I already said I'm sorry - we all make mistakes! As I have no close friends, he's the closest person that I have. So I feel LONELY!So all of this is making me feel unhappy. Inadequate, lonely and resented... how do I sort all of this out?
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male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Two big issues here.
First, your body image.
You're going to have to get used to it, because your body is not going to miraculously change. But it seems that your boyfriend (for one) thinks that it's pretty good. So others are probably not judging it nearly as harshly as you seem to think they are. You're doing that to yourself. Relax. Down deep you know you are a beautiful person. Others can see it. You just need to admit it to yourself.
Second, your boyfriend.
He's a busy guy, and although he probably honestly IS pressed for time, he may be neglecting you deliberately a bit as well. I think he's trying to irritate you, and it's working. That's not a very nice thing for him to do. The question is, how much of it are you willing to put up with before you decide to give up on him entirely? And that's something only you can answer. If you stay with him, you're going to keep on going through this whole cycle of breakups, fights, and reconciliations. Neither one of you seems willing to accept the other's shortcomings, and that's something that has to happen in a healthy relationship. Right now, you're staying with him more because you don't want to be alone than because you really love him. Sooner or later you'll have to make up your mind where you want to draw the line and call it quits.
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