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I'm feeling like second string, he's engaged but talking to me

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 January 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2011)
A female Singapore age 30-35, anonymous writes:

The guy i love and been with for abt a year, recently got engaged to his far related cousin because of his family. He tells me that thrs nth he can do abt it. When i got to know abt it, we decided to be friends at first(i really got hurt). But then later on, he started to flirt with me and treat me as his gf like how he used to.And suddenly i became his gf from then. He tells me he loves me, but im not sure if he means it. He also has problems with her that he tells me abt. im the one he turns to if tht happens. His fiancee also has trust issues with him and it irritates him alot. im not sure if he even loves her as well. Right nw, im kinda caught up. Im feeling like a second string. And i feel like im going to get hurt again. so please help?

View related questions: cousin, engaged, fiance, flirt

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A female reader, cat lady United States +, writes (4 January 2011):

cat lady agony auntIf you are living in a place where family-arranged marriages are common and your boyfriend 'can't do anything' to get out of it, my guess is that the same place is particularly hard on adultery. Your boyfriend is putting you in an extremely dangerous position, with no regard for your own chances of a good marriage or for your safety so show him the door and if necessary, push him forcefully outside. He's just wanting to 'have his cake and eat it too' which is natural enough in human nature but it's your life that could very easily be ruined. Some basic self-preservation instincts are called for here - unless you're suicidal, and if you are, you need a therapist more than a boyfriend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011):

He isn't being fair on either of you. If he is going to marry her then he shouldn't have a girlfriend - no wonder she has trust issues. It is likely that you are going to get hurt so maybe better you get out now, rather than get implicated when he is married. That wouldn't help your repuation either.

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