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I'm feeling left out because I'm not as into gaming as he and his friends are!

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 March 2013) 3 Answers - (Newest, 26 March 2013)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Dear cupid my boyfriend (hes 23) and I have a great relationship but I'm confused about his friends sometimes. Don't get me wrong I love his friends and I am glad that they have such a great relationship with my boyfriend, but they are always around. My boyfriend as well as his friends are pretty hardcore gamers and they are on the computer gaming almost all day everyday.

I'm happy my boyfriend spends a lot of time doing what he enjoys doing, but it's like all he and his friends do. My boyfriend has even met quite a few other females through gaming and spends a lot of time gaming and talking with them, and honestly it upsets me and I feel so left out. I do game with them often, but after so long it does get annoying to me and I even feel left out while gaming with them because I'm not really as into it or as good as them.

My boyfriends friends are constantly around and asking my boyfriend to game, which a lot of times they'll talk through skype call or something, and I just kind of sit around and do nothing for the rest of the time this is going on.

This has been going on every day for so long and I just feel left out from everyone else and I just haven't been happy at all and I'm stressed out. I really want to stay with my boyfriend because we do have a good relationship other then his friends and gaming. What should I do?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (26 March 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI’m with YouWish. I don’t game online I prefer board games. My husband is an online game (and a board gamer) and when not working or eating, he’s usually gaming on the computer… but even he has limits.

So is there school or work? Or does he live in mommy’s basement and only plays games or are you exaggerating because that’s what it feels like?

You need to talk to him and let him know that you need couple time and set up at least one night a week that has no computers…. If he can’t bear to not be gaming find some interesting board games that will hold his attention… I can make lots of suggestions there….

So if he’s working or going to school full time then you need to talk. IF all he does all day every day 24/7 is game, then what are his plans for adult hood at 23 I was married and pregnant with my first child….

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (26 March 2013):

YouWish agony auntHold on a second! Are you telling the truth when you say that he games "all day every day"? Does he have school? Work? How old is he???

I am a gamer, so people who play in moderation are like anyone else with a hobby. But any hobby out of control is bad, and if he's going nowhere in life, living off of his parents and not working or studying is a bad choice in boyfriends no matter what hobby he's into.

Females through gaming are no big deal if he's messaging with them and it's game related. But if he's flirting or taking it off-game, then it's an issue.

I'd leave him primarily for not having any care for the future. You're no longer in high school...time to change your standards in who you date.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (25 March 2013):

I would suggest that you speak to him about how you feel, and look to make time so you can actually spend time together as a couple without all this. It may well be (like some men do) that he has entirely missed that you're just not into this as much as he is. Hopefully, if you say something, he'll actually listen to you and then make time for you two together without them.

Clearly, if that doesn't happen, then maybe you need to ask where you are in his list of priorities, and decide what you want to do.

However, before that, try talking to him about how you feel. He might just listen, and make a change.

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