A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I moved from a big city to a very small town to be with my fiance. In my fiances line of work, he can't talk about anyone or his work because of privacy laws, so there is never any work talk from him. Due to his position he can't really become friends with people in town although he has joined organizations to promote where he works. He has to keep people at a distance and not get too friendly. I am starting over and trying to start a home business which further isolates me. The work I do requires alone time. I need total concentration in what I do. And at long last I am doing what I have always dreamed of doing. So I go for weeks without any contact with people staying in the house unless I run to the post office and that is it. He will take me out to eat to get me out, but then he is busy looking at the young women checking them out, so I feel lonely sitting across from him--I'm there, but not there if you can understand that. He is always working on some project at home after work and keeps busy that way. He will watch a quick tv show with me to do something together. We try to plan weekend getaways so I guess I do get out. I think it's the long week at home that is so frustrating. I use to work amongst a lot of people and this way of living is so new for me. I thought I would welcome that kind of way of life after having decades of working overtime and no life because of my last job. I miss my girlfriends who live in another state. I miss their support and interaction. We really can't make friends here or open up our lives because of his position. I guess I am surprised how I am reacting.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): I'm the OP here. Skype would be an excellent idea for talking to my girlfriends. I will check into that. I do need the human interaction. That I crave. If I didn't get enough of it where I lived before, I would drive to a mall and just walk around to get amongst people.As far as looking at other women when we are out he does that a lot, every time actually. Yes, that is a big deal to me. He treats me like a queen "at home." When we go out in public he is too busy sneaking in peeks of other women. I notice it all. I've always been a highly aware person. That behavior does eat away at my self-esteem. In every other aspect he has been great, except this one area. He won't open up to me about his past ex-girlfriends. I know some things about them, found out...but if I ask a question he gets defensive or lies his way out and skews his answer to confuse me, even though I know the truth. I can understand not wanting to talk about ex-girlfriends and intimate acts--that I don't ask, but still, I don't see the big deal in answering some questions that I have in an honest way such as how long the went out together. Innocent questions. I have no problem answering those questions truthfully if he were to ask me.I will try and join clubs around here. Do something that won't compromise his job. I just can't get close to others but I don't like being limited in that regard. I want to have friends to go and do things with that share similar interests that I have.
A
female
reader, Stelladra  +, writes (24 February 2013):
Has anyone else noticed the comment about how she said when they are out for dinner her husband is looking at other women? I agree with all the other comments here but my only worry is that comment about your husband. He should not be looking at other women when you are out. Does this happen a lot? Is he affectionate with you when you are alone? Is he attentive when you do spend time together? If not, watch out as emotional abusers can sometimes use work as a way to withdraw affection and attention. If you have a great relationship with your husband when he is not working then yes, focus on getting out, meeting people, joining some local groups or classes. Maybe some startup business meetups or even start your own. If there are issues with your husband though that should be your primary focus because life is too short to be in a loveless relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2013):
 are you still in touch with your girlfriends back home? maybe some skype time on the computer with them will help?
are there any groups YOU can join or attend that won't compromise his job.... (which I get the not talking about it, my first husband worked for the DOD in DC and he would come home and I'd say "how was your day?" and he'd say "fine don't ask anymore questions" it was our routine... I was not allowed to even meet his co-workers his clearance was that high... made life interesting to say the least)
would online communities help you or do you need to be out and about? can you run an errand into town daily? see if there is a book club at the library???
isolation is not a good thing...
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (22 February 2013):
 Hi
Its hard moving away from all your friends, the fact your working from home limits making new one's too.
I don't know what your fiancees job is but it carries a high price, it's a pity you can't live in another location and him commute to work,at least that way you could socialise in the new community together.Or, you could go out some evenings alone as he is busy,join something, do a class,get a dog maybe.
Tell him how unhappy you are,see if there's a solution.You made the sacrifice to be with him,he should make you welcome,help you settle.
At least he makes an effort at weekends.
You have to decide if the move and your fiancee are working out, if you have given them both your best shot.Or~ if it's time to go back home.
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (22 February 2013):
You will have to reserve some time for local activities and friends. You don't have much of a choice really.
What about communicating with your friends in that other state? That should help.
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