A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been researching this a lot but just wanted more feedback as I'm feeling unsure still. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we live together. We have s good sex life and are very happy. The first thing I found out about was that he liked his bum being played with. He likes toys etc and likes me touching him there. That's not such a big deal as I know a lot of men do. Then I found out that he sometimes wears woman's panties. He said he loves the feel of silk/ satin and is always buying me sexy stuff that he likes the feel of himself. I have told him I feel uncomfortable with him wearing them but I try to wear them as much as possible and rub him with them. I found out this week that he has been watching transsexual porn. This is the thing that's upsetting me. I love my boyfriend and I know that a lot of straight men watch shemales but are perfectly happy with just women. It's just that my ex fiancé cheated on me with some transsexuals and used to chat them up online and joined many websites talking to them. He has told me he loves me and he would never do anything with anybody else. He said he gets turned on but doesn't know why and it doesn't change the way he feels about me. But with what's happened with my ex there is a big doubt in my mind that it will turn into something more one day and that I won't be able to satisfy his needs. I am feeling very upset by this and want to be supportive but my past is not letting me trust him like I want to. Am I over reacting or do these 3 fettishes add up to something? I don't want to loose him but I don't feel sexy at all now and feeling very bad about myself. I have had trouble with depression before since my fiancé broke up with me and I found out about the cheating. I don't know what to do. Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): You've definitely got your hands full. I can only speculate that your relationship will last as long as you can put up with his indulgences. He is truly pushing it to the limit and not many women can deal with such extreme tastes and habits.
I wouldn't consider marrying a man with such sexual fetishes. Not out of prejudice; but if it bothers you now, it isn't likely you'll gain any appreciation for it as time passes. In-fact, you may become resentful. If you get used to it, you would see it just as one of his quirks; and it will simply be just another oddity about him you can live with.
The good thing is that he doesn't hide anything from you. Another good sign is that you have a healthy and viable sex-life. That is a clear indication he is attracted to you in every way.
I'm a gay man. My opinion is that you shouldn't force yourself to accept it; if it causes you anxiety and discomfort. Never remain in a relationship that makes you feel you are compromising your happiness, your values, or you feel it might adversely-effect your self-esteem.
If you can handle it, remain as long as you are happy. If it gets too much for you, leave.
The odds of finding two men like that in a row suggests you like a "type." It is hard to believe you've found two men into transsexuals. This can't be merely by coincidence. There is something about the two men that drew you to them.
If the insecurity you feel being with this man is reaching a state of anxiety; you should end it.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (11 February 2015):
Well, my own husband loves all of those things. He's just a kinky guy, lol. It doesn't bother me, and we are super honest with each other. I personally have no fears or worries over it.
That said, my husband is NOT your guy. And your guy is NOT your ex. Everyone is different, and as far as I know there's really no way based on what you have told us to determine whether he'd cheat. It would take direct evidence of him trying to hook up or sexual conversations/ intent.
Only you can decide whether you are comfortable with his fetishes. I'm sure they aren't going to go away though, he will probably just hide them better if you try to clamp down on them.
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