A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. This is my first time writing to a computer and letting out my feelings that i have, im not sure where to start so here it goes. Im 40 years old, i have children and my husband has children from 3 other women and we have 2 together and i also have children from past relationships. My question is ive know my husband since he was 20, he was dating a friend of mine when i was 22, now he is 38 im 40 and we got married 4 yrs ago. I feel insecure with myself and him, i was in a bad relationship years ago. My husband is a tattoo artist and i stay at home with the little one, my other kids are in school. I have a 3 month old and 4 yr old at home so i take care of everything laundry, i get up with the baby while he is out at work all day at times he doesn't get appointments for the day so he just sits there while im taking care of the home front! I don't mind it just im tired of always doing everything it seems, im not happy with myself i don't feel like hanging out with him at work, when i do go in just to help around the tattoo studio, i accuse him of wanting other women. I was told that he cheated on me from a girl who still doesn't tell how she got to know this, its just heresay but it really bugs me a lot i cant seem to get it off my mind he doesn't show affection at all i feel like im just here taking care of the house his laundry and kids while he has a social life. I just want to cry im looking for love and i don't seem to get enough of it he wants me to go to work with him but i just say no im gonna stay home today. I don't feel pretty anymore when i look at my self in the mirror im 40 now ha ha ha. I don't like to show him my body because of fat and stretch marks plus he has young women with nice bodies to look at all day he tells me he loves my body but i have a hard time with believing everything he says he has bi-polar which is another thing that is very stressful on me his mood swings and i notice that one minute im happy and than im looking to argue with him or im thinking he likes someone else. I hope this letter doesn't sound stupid, kinda open my heart and just typing what i feel right now. We are both stubborn i want him to leave but then i don't want him to, i can tell you our first year married was hell a girl he was dating got pregnant and they had dna done to make sure it was my husbands, it was i was also pregnant at the same time so that was hard having an ex-girlfriend calling arguing on the phone together, both of them would just hang up and my husband would call her back, they also have a child together. Well i had enough of that and it been one year with the ex not calling. I still think he has feelings for her, he tells me no but again maybe its just me something is going on with me i just feel i don't know what the answer for this broken heart and that is sad. Thanks.
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at work, cheated on me, ex girlfriend, insecure, stretch marks, tattoo Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (14 March 2009):
 First, your insecurity is yours, not his. You're in charge of these "thoughts without facts." You include him, by blaming him. I see this relationship as being bad because of how you both created it. You've set your boundaries to allow his just working and you taking care of the home. Your not going to work with him and such, is a choice by all the other stresses you're experiencing.
You're in a marital rut. This often happens around 4 years. You loose sight of the marriage, and allow everything to become just a routine. You need to break the habit, and remember you are married to each other, not the job, not the house, and not the kids. Also, love is not an obligation. It's not a trade, you do this and I'll love you. Working on issues and learning to compromise needs to happen, but the love in a marriage should not be in question when you do. If you open a door to have a way out, it's easy, so that's what most people take. I've talked with people who've been married for decades, I can't think of one who hasn't wanted to kill the other person at least once in their marriage.
Talk to him, find a solution, seek counseling, etc. When all avenues are exhausted, and it's just not going to work, then call it quits. I recently worked with a couple, who were going to get divorced. Today they love each other and it keeps growing. What worked for them was 2 hours a week with a sitter and having time for them. Would you be willing to end it, if all it took was scheduling two hours for each other?
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