A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend who has been trying to get back with me for the last couple of months verbally and physically abused me pretty badly a year ago. He also cheated on me behind my back on more than one occasion. He smokes marijuana pretty heavily.He says he has changed and that he would go through anything to get back with me and that he is sorry for the way he treated me and that he loves me and wants to marry me etc. He says I need to trust him.I have been sceptical as although he says he sees a Psychologist he has refused to do any anger management courses through the Domestic Violence Unit that I attended in a 52 week course addressing Domestic Violence and Breaking the Cycle.He has since then had angry outbursts where he doesn't want to hear my opinion about a subject without getting angry and raising his voice to me.He has also called me a Piss Head and has says what sort of a mother am I allowing my daughter who is 12 to enjoy Lady Gaga music which my daughter likes. He also got very angry with me when I said I was considering renting my house out for $250.00 a week.I asked him why he was so angry and he said that what right did I have in charging that for rent when the average person doesn't earn that much. He was I feel talking about himself not being able to afford it.He then said well I could put my fish tank in that corner of your house. I have been told in the past by my sister and mum that they thought he was just after my house. He says that is not true.He also asked me if I would like to attend the Trade Expo with him and his boss and then go to the Casino aferwards a few weeks ago. I told him that I would love to go but it would have to be on a Saturday night when my daughter was going to be staying at my sister's house. Later on in the week he came over and pulled out a hundred dollar note from his wallet and showed me. In the past he has wanted me to hold onto it to keep it as he is not good with putting money aside. On this occasion despite showing me the hundred dollars he didn't want to give it to me. When I asked him why he said well as long as you don't go spending it on yourself, which is something I have neve done. He still didn't give it to me. Later on that week he wanted to come over during the week and said he would buy me some dinner. Normally I'm happy to get a pizza and stay at home.I said that I was looking forward to going to the casino on the Saturday night as planned and also to celebrate the finish of my exams at Uni.He said well I'm going on Friday night with my boss, you're quite welcome to come, after we had already organised to go Saturday night due to my daughter being looked after on the Saturday not the Friday night. He had previously said that his boss wouldn't mind going on Saturday. When I mentioned our plans for Saturday night for the Casino his comment was Oh I can come over and buy you some dinner on Wednesday night. And we can still go on Saturday but not with his boss.I thought his cancelling our arrangements for Saturday night was very rude and selfish and that to be honest it would be a lot cheaper for him to come over during the week to buy me a pizza and get sex than to take me to the casino.He normally texts me on the weekend and wants to catch up for drinks and sex etcI text him midweek last week and mentioned that I had got two credits for my Uni units and was very relieved as they were very hard units and he was aware of how hard I found them. I did not have any response from him at all to this text message. I thought it would have been quite reasonable from someone who I was sleeping with exclusively and from someone who says he loves me to reply to this message and at least say congratulations or good on you or something?Another incidence occured yesteray when I went to open my front door and couldn't. My key became jammed in the door and I couldn't get it out. I tried for 30 minutes to open the door myself and couldn't. He lives around the corner from me and I thought I would text him to ask for his help. I didn't have any call credit so texting was all I could do.His reply five or so minutes later was that he wasn't home. He was at a friends house about ten minutes or so away. I said to him that I was locked out of my house and could he help me. His reply was that he had to take his friend shopping first and would be over after. I don't know what the other members feel about this but I saw red. It was 10.30am in the morning. I said to him that the shops were open all day and surely he could give me a hand first prior to taking his friend shopping considering I was locked out of my house and feeling quite stressed at this time.He said no that I would have to wait.At this stage I had run out of text credit and walked around the block to try to get some help from some builders that I could see from my front yard.One of the men said no worries I will come and help you. He brought some CRC over to try to open the door. This didn't work either and at this stage I was feeling even more let down by a guy who I am sleeping with who supposedly loves me who was quite willing to put his friends shopping first knowing that I was standing locked out of my house.At this stage I decided to drive to a telephone box to call the RAC to see if they could help me. They said they couldn't and that I would have to call a Locksmith. I had to go into the local deli to access the Yellow pages and proceeded back to the telephone box to get some help. I also renewed my text credit.I then received another text saying " Well have you sorted it out and are you ready to stop being so demanding?On this note I text him back "Demanding" You've got to be joking. It's obvious that you haven't changed at all and that today had proved that. I said that taking his friend shopping was obviously more of a priority than coming to try to help me standing locked out of my house.I also said don't contact me again.He later text that he had driven past an hour later or so and that I wasn't home. I was at the shops in the telephone box at this stage.He text me back later on that day as to why I am throwing this shit at him. And that he was doing more than shopping at the time?I ignored the text messages.I got another one from him last night saying I don't suppose you want to have a drink with me?I ignored that message as well.He did not ask me what had happnened with my lock etcI've decided that I've had enough of the way I am being treated and although I am lonely I realise I must respect myself before anyone else respects me.I'm afraid to say however there is still a little voice that doubts myself and wonders whether I was within my rights to expect to be treated better in particular to when I was locked out of my house and his supposed shopping trip that had to come first?Any feedback would be very much appreciated as I'm feeling depressed, hurt and feel like a fool in giving him another chance. I feel like I should have known better after the Domestic Violence Counselling I've had in the past.
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cheap, cheated on me, depressed, money, my boss, my ex, smokes, text, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): "I'm afraid to say however there is still a little voice that doubts myself and wonders whether I was within my rights to expect to be treated better in particular to when I was locked out of my house and his supposed shopping trip that had to come first?"
Yes, you were right to expect better. I've been in a relationship like yours-- leaving was the best thing I could do. I now have a man in my life who treats me as his top priority, and I do the same for him. Stand strong, you deserve better and you will find someone better!
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Listen to that little inner voice. It doesn't sound like he has changed at all, and he certainly doesn't put you first. You already know what you need to do, and you've taken the right steps. I know its going to hurt, but continue to shut him out. Opening yourself to him again will only cause you more pain. Move on without him. I know the doubts that you may have because you care for him, but DON'T go back to him. Been there..done that...Take care and look out for yourself, because obviously he won't. Good luck sweetheart...you're going to be fine. You just hang in there.
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