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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My husband lives in a different country, he’s lives in the Middle East and thinks he is my boss! He has always been very abusive towards me in every kind of way and 9 months ago I left him and cut all contact with him as he was abusing me again. I have not spoken to him in 9 months and a couple of weeks ago I sent 2 messages to his uncle apologising that I was contacting him as I did not want to contact my husband directly.His family know that my husband has been abusive towards me but I understand it is his family and they will stick by him. I wanted to know has my husband divorced me in the court in his country as I need to know yes or no. I know his uncle has definitely received my question and is in regular contact with my husband.The problem is that his uncle doesn’t reply to me, I certainly will not message him again. And neither will I message my husband. What I don’t understand is why he hasn’t answered a plain and simple question, I told them I wasn’t interested in anything else just to know if he divorced me or not as otherwise I needed to sort the divorce out in his country and if he has not divorced me I will soon be going there ( for my own reasons ) and I can do it then.Does anybody have any idea as to why I’m being deliberately ignored? And yes I will be able to file for divorce in his country as I have proof of his mistreatment of me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2020): I am the original poster.
I have done my homework about how to proceed with a divorce in my husband’s country.
That still doesn’t tell me if he has divorced me or not though does it!
And blood is thicker than water but some people with morals and values won’t stand by blood if they know it is in the wrong.
I have only asked his uncle one simple question and if my husband wants to get this divorce over and done with as smoothly as possible then I would have thought he would provide me with an answer and we can both sort this out and move on in in life.
Perhaps he’s upset because he knows he’s lost his punching bag and bank account!
I am not divorcing him for any of his assets, I was the one who provided for him. I don’t need anything from him just a straightforward divorce.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 July 2020):
 So you " did your homework "... Actually, that's highly debatable; if you had properly done your homework about divorce in that specific country, first thing you'd know would be your marital status there, and if there is any divorce cause pending involving you ; but let's not quibble about that ; let's try instead to answer your original question.
Reminding you that all we can do, and that anybody else can do, in this case, is just guess- I'd say this is an easy, easy, easy guess. Their silence is not very mysterious, in fact I am a bit surprised.. that you are a bit surprised. Were you expecting prompt and cordial cooperation ?...
Your husband won't answer because : he was abusive, as per your definition, your marriage then was most probably
conflictual, and your split was not amicable. You left him ( for very good reasons, I'm sure ), you cut all contacts with him, you are not talking to him... and he is not talking to you. As a matter of fact, it sounds like he would not pee on you if you were on fire , do you think he does care a lot if his silence and his reticence may cause you inconvenience and uncertainty ?... Think again. I bet that he has zero interest in making your life, and your divorce, simpler and easier ;- so what you need or want from him, is your problem, not his. Even if it's just a simple " yes or not " answer.
And why the Uncle is not answering either ?... well..because he is HIS Uncle, not yours ? because blood is thicker than water anywhere , and more so in Middle East ? because most probably the very first thing Uncle did, was going to his nephew and tell him : " I got a message from your wife, what am I supposed to do ? " and your husband must have answered. " Nothing. Just ignore . Just let that damn °*^ç°! stew in her own juices ".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2020): OP, let me speculate on why your husband nor his family, will answer your question. Your husband wants to be rid of you. He has trash talked you, to his family, so they all want to be rid of you. They do not want ANY family assets, going to you! To them, you are an enemy, unfair as this may be! I am sorry to say this, but I believe that it is the truth. Be Strong, and Best Wishes OP! No woman should be subjected to abuse, and no woman should tolerate that abuse! GOD did not create women, to be abused by angry cowardly men! Know this OP, those men who abuse, will stand before GOD, to give account to GOD, where they will have NO excuse!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 June 2020):
 None of us can do much else, as we can not read your husband or his uncles minds any more than you can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2020): In honesty you will never know why they aren’t answering your simple question.....you can presume and wonder and more than likely Uncle is either staying out of it or they are being awkward, either way it’s irrelevant.
Once your divorce is complete, and you clearly know what your doing there, you can move on and put this behind you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2020): I believe if you enquire this from his country's embassy in your country, they can help you because embassies usually have excess to the civil registry office records or they can enquire for his marital status from his country.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2020): Is there anyway you or your solicitor can check with the courts whether a divorce petition has been filed...I’m taking from your question you married in the country where he still is. If you are able to do this it means you don’t have to talk to him xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2020): Hi there, I am the OP.
Thanks everyone for your advice but I am not looking for divorce advice.
I have done my homework about that in his country.
My question asked ‘why are they not answering my simple question’ ?
And all I have received up to now is divorce advice!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 June 2020):
 why do you need to file for divorce in his country, are you planning to move there or something?
If you were married in the country you live in file for divorce there, if you were married in his country check to see if it is recognised as a legal marriage in your country, if yes, then file for divorce in your country, if not, visit a community or neighbourhood centre that offers legal advise and ask them. It may also be worth your while to double check with a one off visit to a lawyer.
If he has stopped responding and you don't need to file, or you do file and are concerned he may make some sort of claim on your or your finances or assets this can usually be covered by placement of a public notice in your countries major newspapers.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 June 2020):
File from where you are. I'm not sure, if you HAVE to go to his country to file. I think you can be the one to file from your end.
You don't NEED contact with him to file from your end.
The thing is you can even go there and still be ignored. I don't know if you (as a woman) can even file for a divorce in some Middle Eastern countries, which is why you find a lawyer in your country and have THEM do the leg work for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2020): Don't wait, do what you've got to do on this end.
You've already explained why he is ignoring you. Read your own post! Your divorce attorney will inform you on what to do if he refuses to file.
If you do go to the middle-east, I strongly urge you to remember to follow their rules. You don't have the freedoms and protection from any other country; once you're on their soil. When you're there, HE IS considered the boss of you; and you are there at his mercy.
You're safe as long as he's there. Whether he files for divorce or not, you can still file in your resident-country in his absence; if he has decided never to return.
He could be luring you there; where he will have complete and utter control over you. Watch yourself, and what you do while abroad. Women don't getaway with raising hell at husbands on middle-eastern or Arab soil. I don't care where you come from! The foreign authorities themselves may take action against you, or ignore your complaints; and couldn't care less how abusive you claim he is.
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