A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey Guys,i have been dating a girl i met online i'm 33 she is 26. we have been communicating for 2 months, had our first date about 6 weeks ago. We had sex on the 3rd and 4th date where she stayed over both times. It's now 3 weeks later and we had a 5th date ( took 2 weeks due to us both having plans ) where she changed plans in the morning to stay over at mine that night after the date, due to the fact she was moving house. The date went great, kissing hand holding etc... We spoke on the phone last night and she has had a torrid two weeks with work and indicated she was going to take some time for herself this weekend, I am away the following weekend so floated the idea of a movie after work next week for our 6th date.If i'm honest I feel a little rejected sexually, i'm not in it with this girl just for sex and have proven that along the way, but 3 weeks and counting with what looks like another 2 seems a long timefor her to not want to stay over and i'm a bit bummed she isn't trying too now where she was a few weeks ago..and it has me a bit worried she doesn't find me sexually attractive ? can't help thinking things might of been easier if the sex had never happened!Should I bring it up ? and if so how and when ? we don't really text each other and we chat on the phone once or twice a week but we haven't really had any relationship / dating conversations so for all i know whe is still seeing other people and she wants to put the brakes on or it's something else ? maybe she is testing me ? I think the length of time in between dates probably isn't helping because 2 dates can equal a month, but i can't help feeling roles reversed I would be jumping over hot coals to spend the night!I understnd intamacy is quite different for men and women, and I am seeing it in a black and white. She wanted it and now clearly doesn't situation. She hasn't talked to me about it at all but i'm sure she must be aware right ?Any suggestions on what I can do to get to the bottom of it, without being a jerk ?Thanks :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2012): Hi all,OP here, thanks for your responses.All good points.Insecurity possibly does play a small part here on my part no doubt. I'm not sure if i have given off the casual impression, Our dating profiles and dates we have been on wouldn't give that impression i would think. it feels like a weird crossroads and a little too early for a guy to be bringing up relationshipy talk, so in a way i need to try and get a guage for what she is looking for in another way. I forgot to add that despite my age official dating is a bit of an unknown for me especially after the 3 / 4 date mark so it's unchartered territory for me in a way!I am not used to a female being so uncommuniative usually its the opposite ! For example after speaking on the phone the other night we agreed on a mid-week date next week, she said to let her know what days suited so the next day I shot her a text asking if tuesday or wednesday suited ? no answer 2 days ago.. I know people are busy but it's a common theme with her so not really out of character. i do feel interested people tend to act somewhat interested though I should know my answer soon enough I guess!anon: Sorry to hear your story, does sound eerily similar. I cooked for her at my place on the second date, at her instigation... I hope I am not in the same boat, but at the moment wouldn't be terribly surprised if I am. I do agree on the no reverse gear, good luck to you :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2012): Something not dissimilar happened to me (I too am one of those rare guys who tried internet dating for a long time who wasn't there just for sex).We'd chatted online and phone and texts for a long time before meeting up and we seemed to click immediately. My goodnight kiss became a good night snog. Next date, at her instigation, she had me round to hers and cooked and I ended up staying over. I wouldn't normally ever rush into something sexual but it just felt totally right and I even said a couple of times "are you sure?"Five more dates, three of which included sex. Possibly the best I'd ever had. Then it went quiet "due to work" and didn't seem to have time for us to see each other for a couple of weeks.Then she rang to say she wanted to be just friends because she still had feelings for her ex and actually admitted that she wanted to see if she was over him or not by dating me. So, I was being used. I felt like shit.I already knew this ex - who she stopped seeing a year ago - had cheated on her twice. She was welcome to him.Two months later she got back in touch, desperate to try again, because she realised I treated her better than any guy she'd ever known and decided she'd made a terrible mistake. I declined. I don't have a reverse gear.I think, OP, chalk this up to experience and forget her.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 August 2012):
 Hi
Bit of role reversal here I reckon. She was in it just for the sex, if she wanted more she would make time.
I hope I am wrong as you sound a rare man on the internet dating scenario.
Good luck,don't give up on her,ask her outright what she wants.
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A
female
reader, demeplev  +, writes (2 August 2012):
 Well many things could be going on. I am a lot older but with my current boyfriend our dates were very, very long in between I think it was more him than me tho. Sex does change the course of events and it sounds like you two haven't had much of a foundation prior to sleeping together. Especially if you didn't talk about wanting a relationship which is what is sounds like to me. She may also think you want something casual so she may be going along with it? or maybe you gave that impression?Maybe she doesn't have the same spark that you do as well, which is what I am sure your hoping its not.Now just because there is a possibility that you two aren't compatible (on her end) doesn't mean that sexually you should be feeling rejected. You had sex multiple times with her so its probably not that your not good enough but possible you two just dont; mesh, maybe for her? maybe its just how you feel because you feel insecure about where this is going.We can speculate for hours and days, the best thing to do is to set up a coffee or lunch date and try to speak with her telling her you want a relationship with her and see if shes on board, I feel your apprehension to do that but honestly its the only way. I am hoping that its just you feeling insecure about her and I am rooting for ya here. please keep us posted.Good luck!Peace and love
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