A
female
age
51-59,
*usspuss
writes:im stuck in a rut my partner can be very abusive verbally and im gettin fed up of it, at the weekend an aqaintance of mine was flirting like mad with me and iv thought of nothing else but him since, am i looking for a way out? my relationship is not getting any better but been with him for four years but scared no one else will have me, help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Abusive men don't change so only stay in this relationship if you want to continue being treated like s**t. I understand your reluctance to become single the "wrong" side of 35 but let me assure you that being single at this age is no bad thing.
When I became single again in my 30's, after a couple of years of trying to get my ex back (he wasn't verbally abusive) and one disastrous brief relationship (with a guy that was) I decided that I would give up on men for a while and concentrate on myself for 2 years.
I had a radical hair restyle, advice on new clothes and got some counselling. I took a couple of evening classes and started yoga.
Then I made a list of all the things I'd ever wanted to do but never done because I'd never had time or they seemed unimportant and frivolous. The only stipulation was that they all be fun and not sensible. My list included things as simple as complimenting a stranger or growing herbs from seed to things as extravagent as getting a tattoo and going to Egypt (and even a couple of things best left to the imagination). I started working through them slowly(I've still got loads left- there's no time limit!)
I saved up for a holiday. (I recommend Explore as they're great for single female travellers and you get to meet loads of people) I joined an amateur theatre company and helped out backstage and made friends of all ages and from all walks of life.
After the 2 years were up I went speed dating and joined a few internet dating sites. I met some interesting men, quite a few dull ones and a couple that were"interesting but for the wrong reasons!". I didn't follow up on any of them but had a great time.
I'm now 39 and still single. And I LOVE it! I'm my own woman, I'm strong and independent, I can do whatever I like whenever I like. And I don't even have time for a boyfriend!
5 years ago, when I was so depressed I could barely leave the house at times I would never have believed this possible and it hasn't been easy all the way but now I really like the person I've become. If I did it so can you! So join the mature single sisterhood. Being single isn't a curse - it's a blessing!
All the best at this difficult time. My thoughts are with you xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Ithink you put yourself down.I think you should do two things, One break up with the first guy. Its not right and thats not right.two, learn to love you, if you like who you are then you will be okay, the right gy will come along.Be brave hang in there and youll be okay
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): You're scared no-one else will have you because you have been psychologically affected. Yes you wish to get out. When you are out, it will take you a while to see you have been affected and to get better. You will get better when other guys treat you well. For e.g. Do you notice how the Island men look at their woman with such love that women have inflated egos, and they feed their women too,leaving more food for them and if there is only one yummy cake left, they can have it? That treatment makes women vain and confident. Women think every man loves them. This relationship is just not working.
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