A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 21 year old male who is for the most part still in the closet. My problem is that I'm slowly starting to fall for one of my good friends who is a married straight man. I've done this before with my other male friends because I fall in love with who they are. The problem is that of the ones that this has happened with before, I had a huge fall out with one, and another one found out and got weird around me (since then things have been patched, but those were rough times). My newest interest is a Christian, so I'm worried about what he would say if he ever found out.Advice??
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (12 November 2007):
 you fall for those you cannot have because you are aware that your still closeted state prevents you from having a relationship anyway in the open, and its much easier to see the obstruction to love as coming from the other persons situation than your own. this is all a big load of mental poo that you need rid of-you are only creating these situations to avoid dealing with your own logistical problems, and once you sort yourself out you then have the very real worry of finding someone to love you where it can actually happen.
For christ(tian married man)s sake deal with things and stop holding yourself back-you know it makes sense
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (11 November 2007):
 Well, I gotta say... it doesn't sound hopeful. You seem to fall for unattainable men, at least in this case. If your friend is married, straight and a (conservative) Christian, it's not looking too good for you.
I think it is important to come out to him, because if he's a real friend he'll accept you for who you are, even if he is a Christian. Perhaps he is okay with homosexuality, lot sof Christian's are... just not all of them. But in terms of your crush? I'd start getting over him now.
If he's straight, there's not much you can do about that. You can't persuade him to be otherwise (just like no one could convince you to start a relationship with a woman). Even if he is curious and might even consider having a relationship with you, he's married and you shouldn't get in the way of matrimony. Don't be the "other man".
It's time to let this crush go and get back to just being friends.
Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
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