A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Thiz is a very stupid question but how can I stop feeling bad for dumping my ex? I'm in a great relationship now but I just imagine how bad he's feeling and get upset. He was trying not to cry when we broke up and so was I! We were on and off for five years. I was 19 when we met and he was 32. Honestly, I wasn't treated well in the beginning but grew to love him anyway. He'd do things like leave town without telling me, go away with friends and family I was never introduced to and let me know that some things were not my business. He closed himself and his life. Our last runaround, he promised to change and I promised I wouldn't hurt him by leaving him again. But eight months later, I did. He did it again, just up and left. He kept promising to introduce me to his baby nephew but never did and I'd find out that they had gone over his house on days I was free. I bought gifts and clothes etc and nothing. I felt hurt. Even as he got sweeter with me, I resented him until I got a new job and got so busy I ended up not being able to see him for three weeks. He could have asked me over cause he works from home on occasion but no. Anyway, it died and I met my current boyfriend of now three months. He's adorable, intelligent, funny and treats me so kindly I feel like crying at times. I thank God for him. We're already talking in terms of "when you meet my parents" not "if" and he's opened up to me as I have to him. But yesterday, I felt incredibly sad even as my bf held me. I sense things aren't going well for my ex. My mom has him still on FB which I don't have and showed me a recent picture where it showed that he had gained a LOT of weight. I worried cause he has a heart condition and got in touch but of course, he didn't reveal anything and spoke about things he had bought for me from his country that I loved while we were together. My bf doesn't mind that I communicated with my ex, when I told him he smiled a little and said, "just dont fall for him again." I'm falling for my bf so why, why am I feeling like this? Please help me.
View related questions:
broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (15 October 2015):
Firstly, stop blaming yourself or anyone for that matter. The relationship ended, let it end and move on. Keep the past where it was meant to be - behind you. It's not the end of the world for him or for you. When you can accept it ended then you will be free from your thoughts. When you can accept that you are actually not responsible for someone else's actions then your clutch might be a little more softer.
You have a great guy in front of you so do not take advantage of his kindness. Just because he does not mind if you talk to/about your ex, you have responsibility for your actions just like everyone else. You are a young adult, not a little girl so it helps if you act the part. If you have time to worry/talk to someone who didn't care about you when he had you, then something is wrong with you. I barely have time for myself working and keeping up with my close friends. Where do you even find time to care about people who aren't meant to be around you? Hopefully, you are buying stuff for your new boyfriend instead!
All the best!
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (13 October 2015):
 Come on, find some more self- respect... you didn't deserve the extremely rough treatment from him, and he DOESN'T deserve anything from you... he actually owes you those five years he messed you around and made you feel like crap... everyone has problems, and jerks deserve theirs quite a lot of the time... they are HIS problems... so LEAVE him to it, and don't squander the wonderful gift you've been given of a loving relationship... I think you have some sort of self- esteem issues, or need to submit to others, or let them take advantage of you... I think you're well aware that if you contacted him, he would likely shower you with attention, and end up taking advantage of you... try looking deeper within yourself, and talk to your friends, family about how you feel, if you feel there are underlying issues, talk to a therapist... I think if you had a high self esteem, you'd realise that you deserve a good, loving relationship, and your current boyfriend deserves MORE than to be kept hanging while you pine for someone else... that's also making you feel worse, due to the guilt- sorry but listen to that guilt... he sounds lovely and you owe it to him to sort yourself out... if you plan on staying with him.Take care
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (13 October 2015):
 I think you're being really silly about this entire thing.
Instead of appreciating what you have, you are pining over something which is absolutely and completely worthless. Your ex treated you really badly and never give you the respect you deserved. The new guy on the other hand treats you so well that you have tears in your eyes. Imagine how much he must love you if he didn't even have a problem with you talking to your ex!
Don't throw away a good thing. What you have with your current boyfriend is beautiful and precious. Don't think of the past. Your ex and his health issues are not your problems.
More importantly if you feel that you can't do justice to this relationship then leave this guy. Believe me, your loss will be someone else's gain
...............................
|
