A
female
age
36-40,
*llena2009
writes:I am a 23-year-old graduate student falling for a guy 15 years older than me. He's my coworker and we both work with a large consultant organization overseas. I am new to the job (as of a month) and due to travel, have had to spend tons of time with him. We became close quickly, as often happens when you work in difficult situations in foreign environments. He's fluent in several languages, formidably smart, and incredibly fun. We have many similarities and our differences are incredibly complementary. I've become a better person as a result of him, and I think vice versa. Problem is, he's married and has 3 children. I did not know this at first, as his family is not living overseas with him. Now I'm in a tough position. He is separated from his wife (hence the choice to live overseas for so long) but dearly loves his kids, as he's a terrific father. But he's not officially divorced, and even if he were, how good can it be for kids to watch their parents split, especially over a young 23-year-old woman?!How difficult is it to have a long-term relationship with a man 15 years your senior? I've always dated older men, but what about a solid relationship? Also, I have always despised women who break up marriages; I hate unfaithfulness. I don't want to be one of those life wreckers.He recently told me he loves me, and we have many of the same goals and dreams. But i can't get over his family situation...help!! Sometimes it's hard to remember what's right anymore.
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co-worker, divorce, married man, older men Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dodgegirl +, writes (11 November 2009):
Hello, I am also in a situation the say as yours.
I am 26 years old, I have been friends with this man who is 13 years older then me. I talk to him on a regular basis while he is at work. His homw life isnt so good, the reason why he is staying with her is because of his daughter. He does not know I have feelings for him. I would never do anything with him while he is married, because I look at it like this no matter what I would never do anything I wouldnt want done to me. My thing is, should I tell him how I feel, or how do I get rid of these feelings? I feel wrong for feeling them but I cant help it...
A
female
reader, sweetheart43  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 I'm sorry i didn't read the whole story, but yes i would hold out for awhile until the divorce is offcially over but until then just remember dont worry as much. stay right and good luck
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A
female
reader, sweetheart43 +, writes (22 November 2008):
it's not wrong to fall in love with someone older than you. take me for example im 27 and my other half is 43 ?????????? do don't worry age is just a number
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): Your young, for me having a partner with that baggage would be a turn off. I never understood why people go for that
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A
female
reader, ellena2009 +, writes (20 June 2008):
ellena2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): Okay let me ask you this.
Have you discussed his marriage and his situation at all?
Has he filed for a divorce yet?
I suggest you talk to him, be honest tell him how you feel;
if he has not filed for divorce or does not intend doing so, you know what to do.
I don't think the age thing is such a big problem;
get the marrige thing sorted out before you get more and more emotionally involved.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, ellena2009 +, writes (20 June 2008):
ellena2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know you're right. Oh man, how do I get out of this?? I hate making stupid decisions...
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 What is 'not officially divorced'?? He is still married even if they are living in different countries.... Sorry Sweetie, but he sounds like a cheater...
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