A
female
age
36-40,
*assychassy8503
writes:My bf and I have been together for 5 years. We lived together at my parents house for 2 of those. My dad has a drinking problem and one night after coming home drunk, he got into it with my bf and told him he wasnt welcome in our house and if he ever got in his business again he would kill him (we tried an intervention for his drinking). So my bf moved out and back in with his parents. HE wanted me to come wih but I didnt think his parents wante dme to live there.. He took this as me choosing my family and their problems over him. This has been over a year ago. I just found out about his feelings a month ago when I got upset that he didnt want to come to a family function with me. He told me he needed time to figure out if I was the one and if he could deal with my family. I gave him time and he recently told me he loves me more than any other woman and wants to be with me but hates my family and wants nothing to do with them. He also recently told me I was too dependant. I have security issues from growing up in an alcoholic family and him and his house and family were my only sense of security. I've always been quiet and shy and dont have many friends so my bf was my entire world. I love him more than anything else on this planet and I have gone into such a deep depression. I cry every day and even though I try my hardest not to I cry every time i see him when its time to leave because i just want him to hold me through the night like he used to. I have lost 25 pounds in the last month, I dont sleep unless i take medication.. i'm falling apart. I didnt see this coming at all... I knew he had issues with my family and it did upset me but I thought we were happy... at least I know I was. He changed his passwords on all his accounts a little over a month ago and tole me that I just didnt need to know what was in there. We had been looking for a house and were going to move in with each other and had been talking about marriage for awhile so I thought it was because he was looking for a ring or a way to propose. I never in my wildest dreams thought he was going to tell me he wasnt sure about being with me. I hink thats why it hurts so abd is that I didn;t have a clue. He never told me it was this big of a problem and he told me he had had these feelings for about 2 years and didnt know how to tell me about it. I dont know what to do... I'm getting my own apartment and finding a new job and I hope that will make me less dependant on hima nd my parents and more dependant on me but I want him back so bad... and he keeps telling mm he still loves me and wants to be with me but that we both needt to be independant before we will work but I just dont know what to so. I've never been this hurt before in my life. I'm heart broken, feel betrayed that he felt he couldnt talk to me, angry at myself for being so in love with him, taking it for granted that he was as attached to me as I was him, cheated because I thought I was about to get to start my life with him, most of all just overwhelmingly sad. So sad I barely ever even leave my room anymore. I used to be a huge movie buff... I havent even wanted to watch any movies because i just get upset at how fake and untrue they are and I have even recently gone to bed hoping I wouldnt wake up.... thats not me and I have no clue what to do.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 Alright, you moved out, that is an important first step to come out of the situation you are in.
It ain't however easy suddenly living alone and if you got no "enforced" social events like school then it can be all to tempting to become a hermit.
I would suggest that before you worry about your relationship you first concentrate on becoming happy with yourselve as your own person.
If you have a hobby, try and join a club for it. You are not trying to find a male friend so it can be anything you enjoy doing where you interact with other people. Volunteer work is also an excellent way to get out of your shell and it can give you feeling that what you do matters.
For now I would put the relationship on hold for a while. Tell him that you still love him, but right now need to deal with your life first if you ever want to be able to with him as a whole person, not a dependant wreck.
Hopefully he will understand and have the patience and will power to stand back while you get your life in order.
If not... heartbreak hurts, but right now, you really just wouldn't be right together. You would be fleeing to him to escape your own life and be as dependant on him as you were on your family.
Sometimes two people just meet at the wrong time, but wasn't it your relationship with him that allowed you to leave your parents and move out? Focus on this positive change and try and make it work. Perhaps the future will give you two another chance, but for now concentrate on the now and your new life.
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