A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just got promoted and it's a lot of work! I'm a leader so I take it seriously but all the same, I enjoy it! Yesterday, I had to work 16 hours because someone had an emergency. He came to see me at work briefly which was nice. I got off work this morning and had to drop my mom and sister to work and camp respectively. I do this every weekday morning without fail. He calls me and got upset cause I wasn't going to sleep yet. We argued before about how much time I devote to my family-he feels they take advantage. He doesn't get that I'm the eldest and since my dad passed, I had to step up. Yes I have s stepdad but honestly, he's struggling. My mom isn't in best of health and well, I'm trying to help. Anyway, he got pissed at ME. I was trying to joke with him and be light and easy cause I wanted to enjoy talking to him but he snapped at me for it. I was half asleep and well I remember saying, I'm cheerful because I want to forget work and not trip over a stressful situation. He said I was abusing myself. He told me to "take care" and hung up. Haven't heard from him all day. I'm pissed now though. I told him previously I need to make sacrifices now to have a better life later. I still make time for him, still have time for myself etc. I get that he cares but why the attitude? Why add to my stress? I'm the one going through these things and yet, he's getting mad at me? What's going on? If this helps, I'm 23 and he is 31.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2015): Why do people always suggest breaking up and moving on like we are perfect individuals. Why does this society not try to fix things? Someone is unhappy, let's just find someone else shall we. The responses are ridiculous by females who expect fairytale lifestyle.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 June 2015):
 I think you are being a GREAT daughter and sister, and to me... THAT makes you a great human being. So don't feel bad about driving your mom and sister every morning.
YOUR BF might seem mad at you out of concern. Maybe he feels you are biting off more than you can chew. He might feel your family ARE taking advantage of you being SUCH a responsible young woman. HOWEVER, it's your family - do what right for YOU (and them). It's UP to YOU to decide if you feel like you HAVE to pull TOO much weight for the family, and ONLY for you to decide.
It might also be him behaving a bit like a spoiled brat. That even IF you take time out for him, he feels like he should get a bigger "chunk" of your attention. OR he might worry that IF you two move in, get married that you still will "carry" a lot of family responsibilities.
I would tell him that he is NOT helping by getting "angry on your behalf" - that YOU CHOOSE to help your family, that THIS is who you are.
He probably come from a very different family dynamics and thus can not UNDERSTAND your level of responsibility within your family.
So talk to him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 June 2015):
 When I saw the ages I was surprised. He doesn't sound that old. I thought the immature behavior belongs to the generation who demands instant gratification. Some people get irritable when all other people get the attention instead of him. I believe in some cultures women are married to the men's family then never go back to theirs, for the same reason! Even in my mom's generation, her catty friend (no longer) who works with my dad insulted her by saying, "when I got married I left my parents, because I respect my husband." My mom is the eldest of 5 daughters and also felt like she's in charge of everything.
You are better off with someone who understands, who respects women and appreciates that you take care of your family. There will be this ongoing friction until he can adapt to it. I know that my parents' relationship did not improve even after no grandparents remained. My dad felt unimportant and jealous, and my mom felt he's selfish.
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