A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 27 years old and had 3 long time boyfriends. This guy is 4th. I am not a dater..actualy hate this process.I tried but then i discovered that most of my dated are in for sex ..i guess i dont have enough interest in just that.I came from very traditional family and i am ready to start a family. I want children and the right partner. i met Alex in a coffee shop and we hit it off immediately. He is supercute, polite, inteligente even shy. It took us a month to have sez and its great!To make the long stpry sjort i was in love for past 6 months and tought may be this is it. Until we went on vacation....To begin with i am still exausted even 2 qeeks after. Sweet Alex turned out to be a superdisorganized, forgetful, argumentive, bad decision maker, with low comprehension, easily anxious, panicky, and clueless about so many things that i dont even know where to start. Basicaly if i wanted anything to be done i had to do it myself: hotels, car rentals, activities, dinner reservations. He seems to have a hard time understanding what he is told at hotel check in, he was trusted with car rental and paid double as he was sold unessesary coverage, he gave his card to server without waiting for a bill and paid double tip as at times tip was already included.He left half of his wardrobe in hotel rooms including 400$ new shoes he just bought. Throughout our trip i felt like i am traveling by myself as he was running around making millions of pictures leaving me walk along . What normaly takes me 20 munutes to do it takes him 2 hours. On top of that he is a lousy drinker. He dhas one drink and becomes exceptionaly stupid and annoying. I am not a drinker .yself. Occasional beer ..he was drinking 22 drinks a day as " he is on vacation" and became unbearable. .Mind you he NEVER ddrinks . When he drinks he cant come. It uook once 40 minutes until i stopped it.Anyway..i am on a verge of breaking up. I feel really sad. Here i thought i met this good man who was almost perfect. I imagine my life with him with kids and taking care of everything as i can never rely on him. Thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2021): Thank god you went on holiday together before moving in together! 6 months with someone isn't long at all, and unfortunately he isn't who you hoped he was. Perhaps, because you are hoping to meet someone to start a family with, you subconsciously credited him with traits you are looking for and it took this holiday together to be the wake up call that actually he's a man-child who doesn't sound particularly capable of independence!
Go with your gut feeling, he's not right for you. The last thing you want is to stRt a family with someone who just becomes like an extra child to raise!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2021): Well, my dear, isn't that what dating is all about? Getting to know people? It's also for the sake of some companionship and learning how to deal with a variety of personalities. You don't always hit a bullseye; you sometimes miss the target.
You're old enough to recognize that sometimes first-impressions can change over time. You get to learn more about people as you get to know them; and they'll usually relax. Once the façade falls away, there they are!
I'm not sure if you're seeking advice, or just venting; but if you are wondering what you should do...isn't it obvious?!!
The dude is a total dork! How could he have fooled you for a whole six months? I mean, something should have been a dead-giveaway! You've contradicted your entire impression of the guy once you went on vacation. Well, to give him a teeny-tiny bit of the benefit of the doubt; vacations are meant to let-loose and chill-out. He took it to the next level. Did his cuteness dissipate, and his intellect suddenly subside altogether? You are describing a totally different individual at the end of the post. Maybe you just saw what you wanted to see. Cuteness tends to blind us, and good-looking people get a total pass; until the blinders are off, and we're ready to see beneath the surface. As your post now clearly indicates to be the case.
Ugh, not even goin' there about the sex part!
If you are asking for advice and opinion; this one's easy-peasy. Dump him! Shake it off, and swipe left! It was great for the first part. You're too annoyed to keep him, so just let him go!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 September 2021):
 Thoughts? What is there to think about? He has managed to exhaust you in 2 weeks. Can you honestly envisage a future with this guy, sharing your life with him, day in and day out, year after year?
Be kind but firm. Finish it and let him find someone who is a better fit for him. He is not for you.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 September 2021):
Don't ignore warning signs! There's no way in hell things will get better! He will eventually drive you crazy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2021): We still have sex ...he stays over after and in a morning he is gone. . We dont see each other every day, he does his things, I do mine. If it was not for memories of the vacation..its as perfect as it was before.
He doesnt drink and doeznt become stupid anymore. I dont think I can handle this man full time though.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 September 2021):
 Here is the thing, OP
You thought you knew the guy after 6 months of dating. But as it turned out, YOU didn't. It took a vacation for you to see him 24/7 and to see that you are NOt compatible after all.
My advice? Wait a LITTLE longer than a month to have sex. Take your time getting to know them. I know YOU are now on a "schedule" to find your husband and father of your children - but if you DO NOT take the time you will have a long line of duds. Guys who are just not it.
"alex" was good at coming off like a "perfect" guy for you, until you saw him 24/7.
That is the thing with dating, people will be on their BEST behavior. That is how you attract someone.
He is NOT the right guy for you. You will end up with someone you ALSO have to PARENT on top of any kids.
I think you know where this is going. And I think you know you will HAVE to try again. WITH someone else.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (15 September 2021):
 They say that you don't really know someone until you have spent a large amount of time with them, such as a vacation.
I believe that going on vacation with him has opened up a can of worms, you are now seeing what your life will be like if you decided to get with him on a more permanent basis.
These are warning signs shown to you so that now you can make the decision as to whether or not to stay with him or not.
So many people don't take any notice of these signs, or red flags if you like, then go on to make a huge mistake.
It seems there are more negatives than positives in this relationship, and with that being the case maybe its time to call it a day.
by your own admission you say that you can never rely on him, this in itself is good enough reason to walk away.
Do some thinking, weigh it all up and see what your intuition tells you.
I think in your heart of hearts you already know what the right thing to do is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2021): You have found out that not everyone is perfect or right for you. Not sure why it took you so long, I figured this out when about fifteen. Why does anyone else need to share their thoughts with you on this, what made you believe that life as an adult would be so easy? If you meet a guy who only wants you for sex or is not right for you get rid. End of.
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