A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel really torn. I have just got engaged but I don't know if its the right thing to do.Last year my boyfriend and I planned to have a baby we talked about it and it seemed that it was what we both wanted, he was more keen than me, but I want a big family and we don't worry about money so I thought might as well get started.Well I got pregnant but my boyfriend freaked his first words after we found out were that he'd changed his mind.I didn't really know what to do or say so anyway he wanted me to get an abortion I wanted to keep it. While I wouldn't say he forced me I definatly felt that my options were limited after I booked the abortion I asked him if we could keep it, I told him that was what I wanted but he didn't even answer me, so I had the abortion. I'm prochoice so I don't feel I did anything wrong but it is a big emoitional leap to go from planning a baby to having an abortion and I found it difficult.but I find it harder to forgive him and now we're are in totally different places the whole experience just made me realize that I really want a family, while all he does is talk about how much he loves his life and he wants children in the future.I know if last year hadn't happened I would be planning my wedding without any doubts but if he can change his mind over something so serious how can I trust him
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 March 2009):
This is a pretty big issue.
You've found out that he talks big but doesn't actually want any of it.
I would be worried not just about the baby issue but everything else too. Is he going to freak out when you book the church and want a "longer engagement?"
This kind of thing is a deal breaker for me. It's not just a boyfriend issue any more... if you get married then you have to be 100% committed to stay with him for life. That means you have to be 200% sure that he is going to be able to make you happy for life, not do anything to hurt you, and that you will still love him when he's a grumpy middle aged balding man.
Talk seriously to him about the wedding and some of the heavy organisational stuff. See if he has any freak outs.
Other than that I think you need to go away on your own, maybe even hire a hotel room somewhere for the night and just sit and think about it. It's all about you being sure about your decision so I can't tell you what that decision should be.
Good Luck!! xx
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