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I'm embarressed by my body, how will I ever get a boyfriend?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 May 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've always been insecure about my body ever since I was a teenager. This has made me paranoid and nervous about ever finding a boyfriend.

I just don't feel like my body is 'normal' by society's standards. I don't have the nice body that so many women my age do. I know a lot of women have insecurities with something, but I don't like anything about my body. I see my friends in a bikini and I'm like "wow, why don't I look like that?" I definitely don't have a bikini body. I have several issues with my body that I just can't really fix or do anything about. I eat healthy and exercise 3x a week so it's not that.

How will I ever find a boyfriend and have a healthy happy relationship if I feel this way about myself? The answer is I won't. I'm just not happy with how I look, I'm embarrassed of myself. What do you think about this?

View related questions: insecure

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015):

The last aunt was right . Perfect men are few and far between . I fortunately though many men ( especially those who are far from perfect themselves ) and society , expect women to have perfect looks

Ordinary guys are happy to condition themselves to I isually atrractive women using porn and feeling average women are dog ugly

Whether people admit it or not the standards for women are much harsher which is why so many women are feeling like this

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2015):

Hi

I agree with all the other posts, but would just like to add that when I'm out and about I rarely see perfect bodies of EITHER sex walking around.

Where are these perfect men that you feel YOU have to be so perfect for? Ask yourself this, if you see a guy laughing and having fun, being happy and generally feeling good, would you be attracted to him only if he had a perfect body?

I've been pretty lucky with what was handed out (hasn't got me anywhere!!) and I only say this to point out that I am attracted to all kinds of men if they're funny, kind, got a twinkle in their eye.

I don't know but they may feel that I was out of their league if they're overweight or whatever, but it's not true. All kinds of things make people attractive. Make people feel good about themselves and try to feel good about yourself and all kinds of things will happen. And remember, most people are thinking too hard about their own flaws to concentrate on anyone else's!!

Good luck!!

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (15 May 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntHow unfortunate that the bombardment that you've received - for years - about womens' bodies (and other appearance issues) has had this almost-debilitating effect upon you.....

My advice? Spend LOTS of time reflecting upon what a great PERSON you are..... and give short-shrift to questions of appearance. I'll bet you could find OOODLES of guys who fell for some "beautiful" woman.... only to find, afterwards, that she had no personality, or brains, or energy..... And THOSE guys would likely be quick to trade for a complete woman, such as you seem to be....

Good luck...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2015):

This feeling can happen even go older women and I understand entirely what you mean when you say it's not necessarily a weight thing . There are so many expectations on woman from skin tone and firmness to breast , butt and waist size .

We are routinely catagorised particularly by men and porn as a series of body parts , making it so NO woman can ever measure up . See a blonde with small boobs, a brunette with large ones then click here and see an asian with a blonde swede . It never ends

Some women can walk around in a haze not seeing how the man right next to them is using their body as a masturbation tool whilst dreaming of these ever changing images of perfection , of wh are too few to go around and they know they can never get . Others of us are more aware and sensitive . There is only one way around if for women who see the injustice of this and that is very simply ... To stop caring what men want and to

Focus on what makes you feel good . What are the many ways in which your body brings pleasure to your life ? Through playing sport , hanging out with friends , cooking , enjoying a walk . Instead of worry about how men are you focus on the miracle of your body .

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (15 May 2015):

BrownWolf agony aunt

Hi There...

Your first problem is believing your body gets you a man...WRONG!!! 2nd...Do you really want a man to love you just for your body? 3rd...what standard does society have?? This world which is completely F**ked up is what you are using to judge yourself by? REALLY!!!

Your body is yours. There are no spare bodies selling in stores where you can pick out the one you want. If you are not happy with what you have, who else do you expect to be happy with it? It all starts with you...Love yourself and others will love you too. Hate yourself, and others will do the same. You know that saying "Monkey see, monkey do".

It called being CONTENT with what is yours. Do not be jealous or envious of what other people have.

Think about how foolish this would be...You meet a guy, fall crazy in love with him. Love everything about him. I mean everything...But you hate your body... How messed up would that be? How disrespectful you would be to your own self.

You need to work out 3x a hour on how you think, not what your see. Think you are not normal, you see not normal. Think you are awesome, you see awesomeness. :)

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