A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In a bit of a dilemma here and hate feeling like this. I am pregnant with my second with a new partner have a three year old from previous who's dad does not bother with him. This man has been in our lives for two years but officiously together for 11 months he ardors my son which is great. I don't see him everyday as we live apart and since being pregnant iv enjoyed just being on my own and have been having weird feelings about partner like don't want to be around him and stuff .i was in huge shock about pregnancy but pretty excited now. Recently when he comes around my son won't want a bar of me, if we go out out he wants he's hand wants him to push him on bike wants him to put him to bed. Sounds horrible but I get quite jealous and dread him even coming to my house because I know this will happen again...please don't judge me I do hate feeling this I actually get quite emotional in private about it.. When he's gone obviously my son is all fine with me again is this just pregnancy thinking I'm really starting to get hurt by it I know I should be happy that they get along which I am but I just cant help feeling hurt about it to. I spose as I have been the main person in he's life since he was born I feel pushed out please don't think I'm horrible I'm just a loving mum with feelings.hope its just hormones as really don't like thinking like this but it feels so real.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2015): Yes indeed, it's those pregnancy hormones; and a mother's natural guilt that she may be doing something wrong, if her kid shows more attention to a stranger or favor someone else over her. He's playing you. Kids are smarter than you think. He knows there's a brother or sister on the way, ready to take away his number-one spot.
It's been he and you against the world. Relax, you need a break. Toddlers are full of energy, and you need the help to work his energy off. Allow him to learn how to interact with others, and not be too clingy.
He's a boy missing a father-figure, and doesn't want to be babied by you. He feels like a "guy" around your boyfriend; and they are bonding in a way dads and sons do. It's a good thing. Any man you have emotional ties to, should also extend his feelings and affections to your kids. You're forming a family-unit. Your boy now has balance in his life.
Your natural maternal-instincts and hormones are at their peak while you're pregnant; so your feelings are crazy, but to be expected. It used to be just the two of you, and he was 100% your baby-boy. Well, he's learning some independence; by pulling away, and choosing his playmates. He needs a male role-model to teach him what being a guy is all about. He needs attention and affection from more than one source. Be happy, you don't realize how lucky you both are. You've been super-mum too long; over-compensating for the sperm-donor's absence in his son's life. You've been both mum and dad. God bless you! Now you have help!
Everything you've described in your post is normal for you, and your little prince. Just give him space and don't smother him in motherly-affection. Let him be a little ruff and tumble; and allow your boyfriend to give him what all children need. Both maternal and paternal love and affection. It's all good! The jealousy will subside, and you'll start feeling more yourself. When the new baby comes along, you'll appreciate your boyfriend's help with your son all the more!
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (15 May 2015):
Yes, pregnancy is well known (by guys) to make women a little crazy. Don't expect them to tell you this to your face.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 May 2015):
 Ah, you have a 3 year old, who is a little insecure and unsure about what going to happen with the new baby - he is now HEDGING his bets with the BF to make SURE he is "number 1" still. 3 year olds are smart. And SELFISH. And manipulative.
Your child might feel like he is being replaced or displaced. That YOU are replacing him with this new baby. So he is looking out for himself by TRYING to ensure that the man in his life sticks by him. OR he is trying to be "all grown up". Either way... this MAY not be totally conscience on his behalf, but PRETTY normal.
He doesn't LOVE you less. He might just be a bit jealous of all this "baby-stuff" and "pregnancy stuff" going on. Because he is NO LONGER the sole focus in your life.
Don't baby him and don't go overboard with the making him feel "SPECIAL" (though of course he is, all kids are) - because that WILL change with a baby around - mainly because you will HAVE less time. There will be 2 of them and a baby has different "needs" than a 3 year old. INSTEAD, INTEGRATE him in making ready for the baby. Find book about being a big brother and read them to him. I have seen it time and again, that people go overboard with making the older child feel special and then when baby shows up, THAT all goes to a grinding halt, and what people end up with.. is a resentful 3 year old who doesn't understand how he/she went from being the 8th wonder of the world to.. second priority. And the otherwise great 3 year old will show their less pleasant sides.. lol
Who is going to look after him when you go into labor? Your mom? Sister? Maybe let him have a sleep over or two so he can easily adjust to staying there when you go into labor. Less drama and more fun (for him).
Maybe when you get closer to the due date, take your son out and buy a little soft toy for the baby that your older boy can "keep safe" for the baby.
And since your son ins leaning on your BF for support, maybe because he doesn't totally understand HOW things will change - LET him. It's a good thing that he isn't CLINGING to you.
While I wouldn't BABY him, I would SPEND time with him, like going to the park, kids museums while you are mobile. Maybe help him draw a nice picture for YOUR room that you can take with you to the hospital. Maybe even let him have a sleep over at the Bf's house (like a big boy).
It will pass. It's pretty normal.
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