A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I HAVE TRICHOTILOMANIAsorry for the caps, ive just never said it before. "Trich" is repeated urges to pull hair out. It's a form of OCD.I've been pulling my eyebrows,eyelashes, chest and facial hair out for about 10yrs now, and I've always thought I was just weird to pull my hair out, I have a urge to do it and often I do it when I don't know I am. (falling asleep, watching tv, driving). It wasn't until I stumbled upon the term that I realized what I had is a disorder. Now the question: should I tell my mom and my GF this? my mom knows I pull my hair out but I don't think she knows how frequent and that it has a term. My girlfriend sometimes sees me begin picking at my chin without me knowing I'm doing It but hasn't approached the issue. I'm kinda embarrassed to tell them "hey, I have trichotilomania, it's a disorder" I don't want them to be disgusted with me, how do I bring it up? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 June 2012):
 First, I think you should go talk to your doctor. Get a proper diagnosis. And a referral to a therapist. One who specialize in behavior modifications.
After that I would sit your mom down and talk to her first. She will not be disgusted, you are her baby. She will do the mom thing and try and help you fix it. It's what moms do. Then tell your GF, it's not like this is something you can really hide(having no eyebrows or bald patches from pulling)
And understand that OCD is not a choice. I have a different variety of OCD and therapy helped me curb a lot of my obsessive behaviors. Some pop up when I'm really stressed, but otherwise it doesn't rule my life any more (it surely did for years).
Good luck and chin up.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Have you been to the doctor to try to help this with therapy and medicine? My sister has this too. She still does it, but medication has helped the intensity of it. She also saved her money to get eyebrow tattoos, so that she wasn't so conscious at least about that part of her appearance. She also pulled out eyelashes, but did not pull her hair. Your mom and girlfriend will not be disgusted with you. I have always known my sister did this, and perhaps they know you do it too, but they love you so they don't say anything. Sometimes though, having the help and support of your family and friends with this can help you get the other support you need.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): For a start your mother is more likely to feel guilty that she didnt pick up on this problem years ago and get you help. So dont worry about her feeling disgusted, she wont. She will do the `mum` thing and feel guilty.
As for your girlfriend, remember you dont always know you are doing this. So she has probably seen you doing it many times and just not mentioned it. And hey! If she has seen you ACTUALLY doing it and she isnt `disgusted`. Then why would she feel any differently just because you can put a name to it now? Give her some credit for being a loving girlfriend and dont assume she will not understand! I am sure she will be very understanding about it.
Personally I think what you feel compelled to do is not nearly as bad as biting finger nails down to the quick! Look how many people do that until they actually draw blood at times and ruin their finger nails. Nail biting is only considered `normal` because so many people do it!
Try not to worry. Just be casual and ask if either have noticed you tugging at your hair, then say you looked into this habit and found it actually has a name and explain from there. You will be fine, you have coped with it for ten years already and the sky hasnt fallen yet! Now you have a name for the condition you can research it, maybe visit your doctor and see what treatments there are out there that might help you to overcome the condition. You will be fine, all the best.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (23 June 2012):
Hi there. You said here that it started about 10 years ago.
Do you remember if any emotional trauma in your life, also happened at the same time?
Such as losing someone close to you - A close family member, a close friend perhaps?
Were you ever sexually abused as a child?
Did your parents divorce 10 years ago?
Did your father die 10 years ago?
Did he use to get drunk and abuse you and your mother?
Did your father used to abuse your mother - and you saw this happening?
You haven't mentioned your father at all, which is why I asked these questions.
Were you at school then and being bullied?
The reason I ask this, is that it seems like a type of anxious response.
When you are feeling stressed about something, for instance.
Because it is a form of self harm.
As you have not had this condition all your life since childhood, and it's only in the last 10 years that it started, is what makes me think that something must have triggered it in the first place - 10 years ago.
I am guessing that about 10 years ago, was around about the time of puberty for you?
And at the time of puberty, there are many hormonal changes happening in your body.
Which could also have some impact.
So if you can remember back to what happened 10 years ago, it could provide some vital clues that could solve the mystery.
No matter what, it does seem that it could well be an emotional event that triggered this anxious response by you, in the first place.
Have a bit of a think about it and see if you can remember back then, what was happening in your life at the time.
Usually people don't just start self harming for no reason at all.
There usually is some kind of emotional trigger.
Some event, that caused you to begin doing this in the first place to somehow distract yourself from what was happening around you, at the time.
And ever since then, it has become a habit for you.
And finally, yes, I really believe you must inform your mother of what is happening and how often, and how you feel at the time you start pulling at your hair, eyebrows or eyelashes.
She needs to know the extent of this situuaton, so that she can find out the best kind of treatment that will help you.
So don't delay in telling her this.
The longer you leave it to take any action, well then it's just going to get in the way, and you will begin to have feelings of guilt for not being completely honest with your girlfriend, who would also be able to help you with this.
However, you do need to have professional help here, to really get to the bottom of why it is happening at all.
When it can be found as to why it began, well then you will be on the way to ending it once and for all.
At the moment though, it is standing in the way for you, from getting emotionally close to people.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Remind yourself that this obsessive compulsive disorder or not your fault. Yes you can spend time with a therapist and try to work out ways to try to control your impulse to pull out your hair.
But when you are more stressed than usual or feel under pressure it is going to be hard to resist the impulse.
Your Mom ought to know already, or at least not be in denial about the problem.
Doesn't your Mom take an active interest in the therapy you receive to deal with this distressing disorder? How have you kept it secret from your Mom? Is there a Trust issue that you cannot confide in your Mom, or is she too Judgemental for you to tell her the real reasons this is happening.
Once again if you do get the courage to talk to your Mom then do remind her that it is not her fault and it is not your fault. In fact it is nothing you have done that has caused this condition to manifest.
Your trichotilomania will impact on any relationship in your life.
I would suggest you use your Mom as the test case and raise it with her first.
After that, if you and your girlfriend do have a long term future together then your GF needs to be told. Though maybe break it to her in front of your therapist or Doctor so that some of her nedical fears can be expertly explained by a professional who really understands this condition.
Because the condition is likely to impact on family life in the future.
Best to know now, before things escalate in your relationship. But only tell people when you feel safe and supported about talking.
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