A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well to start things off, I am a 22 year old virgin. It is very hard living in a day and age where all your friends talk about sex and their recent conquests and you have no idea what it is about. I have been told that I am a pretty attractive guy by a number of my female friends. Growing up, I had one girlfriend in high school for four months, but that did not lead anywhere. That was in my senior year. Leaving high school I figured I'd get lucky in university. But my insecurities and nervousness have lead me to no success. I have made a couple of good friends out here and for the last four years have basically lied to them about being a virgin. I know it's pathetic, but in the moment, when I was questioned, around so many people, I could not bare to tell anyone about my lack of any action. These lies have no been formed so well, that not a single person doubts me. I feel horrible about this. I guess I'm attractive enough to raise my standards for a potential girlfriend, but I always become insecure and nervous when I think about our first time in bed. Add to that the fact that I am not circumcised and it becomes more nerve racking. My foreskin does not retract completely. It goes over the head, but past that it gets a little painful. I always feel that if I were to enter a woman, it would pull my foreskin back too far and hurt. But hopefully some of the more experienced people here could provide some insight on this topic. I know that I could go to a bar or club and pick up some girl that is not very good looking without any trouble and practice with her. But I don't want to use someone who in most cases is probably a very nice person, like that. So what do i do? I know for a fact, that I will never admit to my friends that I am a virgin. It will be too humiliating. Escorts are my next bet. Get some experience from a woman at a respectable agency and get on with my life.Remain a virgin until marriage and pretend I did it by choice. I would appreciate your thoughts on the various facets of my messed up life. I hate living like this. Having to remember which lie I told a person and then act out this whole scene of meeting some girl and blah blah. Anyways, that's it. Thanks for sparing some time to read this.
View related questions:
foreskin, insecure, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): dont let it get ya down!! ive been having sex since i was 16 and im 19 now, but ive just had sex with my new boyfriend who was a 22 year old virgin also. he was pretty embaressed about it, but i think its more something to be proud of!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): I'm 19, female, and a virgin, and am glad to hear there's men that may be virgins too! I'm honestly among the last of my friends that is. and honestly, I would have to say that for a girl to be a virgin is still more acceptable, and have admitted to a few people. Perhaps the only criticism I get is, once I get a serious boyfriend, he'll want it; I also know if I want to lose it, I easily can too. My point is in my opinion, sex is not a game, and for me its a step of trusting someone and whenever that stage comes, so be it.Until then I realized that it doesn't matter, it's nobody's business, and easily can go on dates and be with men all the same, it's not something that's stamped on me. The right person will come, one that will make your anxiety want to go away, because you'll want to share something new with this person; and the girl will be understanding as well. Until then I'll you not to worry :), enjoy life.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): I lost my virginity when I was 20 with a guy a year younger who had also never slept with anyone. We are still together, but I do wish I had had more experience with other people so I wouldnt necessarily recommend waiting until you are married unless that is a personal/religious belief you want to hold to. All my friends had had sex, and saw sex as just 'something to do' but I felt it meant something. I guess what I am trying to say is you are not the only person who doesnt lose their virginity until they are older, and although it feels like a big issue and you may be very nervous about the 'first time' if you wait for the right person it will feel natural. If they have anything bad to say about you being a virgin, then they dont deserve to be with someone who has been so honest about something very personal to them. Just enjoy meeting new people and getting on with you life, you are more likely to meet someone you want to have sex with if you are happy and enjoying yourself rather than worrying about it happening.PS Forgot to say that initally my boyfriend lied and told me he had slept with someone before as he was embarrassed, and it actually put me off sleeping with him. Also, he struggled to fully pull back his foreskin but after easing it back himself a few times it was fine when we did have sex. However, your Dr may be able to advise you on this, they are very used to speaking to men about personal health issues like this so dont feel at all worried.
...............................
A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (19 March 2009):
 Have you ever seen your doctor about the tight foreskin problem? It would appear that this is a common aspect of men's health. Certainly use a condom for a sore penis as this offers protection in that respect as well as the known infections and pregnancy. Perhaps you should address this first, that way you have less to worry about when you do have sex.
Otherwise quite often at university those who appear to have a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends or always have somebody staying the night, chances are the relationship doesn't last (say 2/3 weeks)anyway and it's not serious, or it is a one night stand or a one weekend thing. And I am sure people don't necessarily sleep with 2 people a week even though it can look like that (although some would haha).
I don't think a one night stand is for a virgin. It's best being with somebody a month/six/eight weeks. That way you know you have something in common and you are not about to split up on those grounds of not getting on and liking different things in general etc. When you mentioned about using somebody, the feeling is also mutual towards you too.
I am sure the ideal outlook is for both people to have the same views at the same time in terms of how long to wait etc.
I wouldn't have thought you are old enough to be worried about using escorts as a last resort/only option etc.
Just remember don't lie to your forthcoming girlfriend about your virginity. Do aviod the lies full stop, but that doesn't mean you have to shout it from the rooftops either, just don't make an issue of it during everyday conversation.
Fiona
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Please accept my apology for my earlier answer. I jumped to a conclusion. Let me try again in a more considerate way.
Your virginity isn't a curse, as much as the prevailing culture might make it seem so. You're interacting with lots of people in university. In that environment, you have a great many opportunities to meet girls who will share your interests. Eventually you'll find circumstances to spend time with them, and at some point something will spark. That girl might be just as inexperienced as you are. Or, if she's more experienced, she might very well be caring and sympathetic and quite happy to help you along. If that happens, it will be a vastly more wonderful experience than going with an escort. Be patient, be yourself, and just let it happen. Don't get rushed into something that might be both expensive and unsatisfactory.
...............................
A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (19 March 2009):
 I wouldn't call BS on this being fake. You are ignoring that the fact that he could have been in high school in the United States, but went up north into Canada for college. This question did originate in Canada. I know we do have issues here and there with fake posters, but please be cautious when calling a question a fake. I'm not certain to this question's validity, but basing your opinion on geographic vocabulary is not a very good method, unless you have other tools to determine where they posted from. People can move.
Sorry that was a long speech.
But as far as being concerned about being a virgin. Don't play the game of keeping up with the Jones's.. it's only bound to end up giving your grief.. Always remember that these tales that your friends are telling are probably not accurate and are probably are filled in lies because a) the sex wasn't so good b) they are virgins and embarrassed as well and c) we like to exagerrate anything and everything..
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the poster. Sorry about that. I was in an American school in a developing country where we have a senior year. I am living in Canada now for University, I am not originally Canadian. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): I told the same stories about conquests, to avoid questions about my virginity. The thing that gets me with your question is that I was saying that stuff in 1979, when I was 16.
Your flag says Canadian, yet you refer to your 'senior year', which isn't in the Canadian vernacular.
I've never called 'B.S.' on a question before, but I'm doing it now. Sorry, but I don't believe this one is for real.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): You could call "Sue sex" and ask about the forskin issue,Or go to her web site.I personally don't think that it would hurt for the skin to go back,I'm sercomsized but I think that theres a lot of guys who are not sercomsized like you that sleep with woman.I don't think it would hurt you though.I would recomend using a condom, and it should hold your package in place during sex, dont you think. Because a condoms a pretty tite fit.
If your going to the club for a one night stand,I think that there their for the same reason as you.I would wait for marriage though but thats me.If you are going to be with someone then why not be with them in a relationship then just a fling.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): I think that being a virgin is not a bad thing. In today's society everyone thinks that if you don't get laid it's a bad thing. You shouldn't feel ashamed by it. My only suggestion is for you to wait until you find someone you really care about and want to be with in that way because you will ALWAYs remember your first and compare the rest to them. As far as the uncirm. alot of guys aren't and I heard it doesn't make much of a difference. Me being a girl, I don't mind if the guy is cirm. or not. Don't be insecure about what other people may think of you. Just let things go without complicating them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Why not try to build a relationship with some one.Then things will get serious,and sex will follow.I think that a person should do it when they are ready and not because everyone els has done it,and now I have to do it too.Me personally I'm going to be pear until I meet the right person,and my sercomstances are good.I really don't like to talk to my friends about sex,and they don't bring it up in conversation and I'm 20 and a guy.Someone having a boner and being in someone els, isn't something I like to talk about with people.If I was sexual and wanted to increase my proformance,then I might them seek there help. Except in general it would be occward for me.
...............................
|
