A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 42,young looking and successful professional. I've been with my partner for ten years. We've been through a lot. Nine years ago, he got sick. Weve been dealing with his illness and when things were starting to look normal, it strikes again, disrupting our plans. We take care of each other. I do love him and care deeply. But we don't have sex or that kind of intimacy even kissing for the past 7 years or so. Our love is more like being there for each other, taking care. I want to have kids and the doctor said there's no reason we can't. Three months ago, he got really sick. In and out of the hospital for a month. Meanwhile I got promoted at work and the past months have been exhausting - taking care of him, our home and still excelling at work. Most days i feel like i don't even have time for myself. He's out of danger, back to work and understandably irritable. We don't have deep personal conversations. We know the long road ahead for him, his rare disease will eventually worsen. Not immediately but in the long run. I want to have a child, a family but the priority is him, his future medical treatment. Meanwhile, in getting attracted to my younger boss. He's in his early 30s, European guy. Very smart, good looking. Quite strict and severe at work. A lot are afraid to cross him. Very diligent, hard working. We have the same high standards in excelling at what we do. I've known him for over a year, found him quite handsome but never really felt anything prior except a professional admiration. I don't report directly to him but he's one of the top execs i collaborate with. He's 2 ranks higher but we're both top management.Early this year, he started complimenting my work but at the same time, pointing out in meetings things I should do or improve. Culturally, my other colleagues don't reason out as much but I do. We've argued professionally a few times and I never backed out. I am confident and i deal with things at work head on. We would always be fine after. We've been working close recently. He invited me for lunch several times which I had declined because i had to attend to many things . One time he joked in front of others (which he doesn't normally do) that maybe I don't like him and that i always say no to his lunch invitation. And that i was playing hard to get. The attention really made me blush. He also started being friendly, talking a bit about personal stuff, putting his arms around me or my shoulders briefly to say thanks when i assist him. Our mini arguments outside meetings have changed into sarcastic exchanges where we try to outwit each other. I admit it became fun and intellectually stimulating. A colleague commented that we're like cats and dogs and that we sound funny and cute. I think im the only one at work who's comfortable answering him back this way in informal settings. But during meetings and work, we are very polite and professional. One time, i was prepping him for an event and he was complaining of a headache. I told him he can do accupressure on himself so he will be ok for the event. He extended his hands and i never thought about it at first but i automatically held and massaged his hands. We kinda looked at each other and that's when i felt confused and a bit uncomfortable. I tried to be really just cool after. We've gotten professionally closer. He asks me for advice. I ask for his guidance when i need to understand something at work. We exhange useful notes.I have been feeling more comfortable with him and I felt it's the same for him too. When we have to, we send messages to each other about work. Very polite but with some personal by the way stuff like hope you slept or you should rest and such.At one event, he was about to make a speech and he called me by his side to sit beside him. It was in public. He moved closer sitting beside me and he would whisper closely behind my ear, i could feel his breathe on my neck. And he would casually put his hand briefly on my arm or thigh. I really got unnerved but i kept my cool. Three weeks ago, something went wrong at work and one of the team members i was supervising was responsible. Being very strict about work standards, he called my attention and he showed he was upset professionally, and asked for a resolution. I was also upset because I know the mistake was bad. At the same time, i tried managing his anger, explaining and addressing the issue in a swift and efficient manner. On the personal side, i told him i was sorry and i was upset that he didn't reply. I went on a very late out of town trip after that.When i saw him again, i told him we needed to talk. He pulled me into an empty room, just us. I told him about what i did to fix things at work. And he said he appreciated it. And that he appreciates how i take care of everyone and of him too. But that i was too nice to the younger people and i had to be more strict. And i asked him if he was angry with me. He looked at me and said softly that he can never be angry at me. He also said that he knew i work really hard and that we're all stressed. Then he gave me a tight hug. I was quite surprised and managed to hug back. But it was a very close frontal and long tight hug, his chest was pressing on my breasts and i could feel his breathe on my neck, his hands on my back and i broke it off and told him thank you. Again i was unnerved about it. I have started to feel attraction but fighting hard not to think about it. We still work closely, even more frequently. We don't text much and rarely call but he doesn't have qualms texting me even very late about random things like - he woke up thinking about work or asking me if he needed to shave for a public event. Random things. One time i flew in ahead to another place to prepare for an event that he was also going to be in. The next day my gay colleague was saying to the group how i came in really late from the airport and that she was worried so she stayed up for me.He replied that he was really worried about me too and that he wasn't able to sleep well. Then he added, im just kidding and laughed.Publicly we keep a certain distance when we're focusing on work. But we would find ourselves briefly glancing at acknowleding each other on things we think the same about. One time he caught me looking during a lunch with partners and he raised his eyebrows and gave me a big warm smile. I looked away but that was when i started to feel miserable about my situation. Here am i, a middle aged successful woman,admittedly not happy with the situation at home but resigned out of duty to care for my partner and I was being unnerved by a much younger powerful man who can have any woman he desires, with a whole life ahead. He's on his way to life and i was resigned to as good as things can be. And i felt that maybe this attraction mirrors my own self frustraions and regrets. At home, things remain unchanged with me and my partner. I take care of him. I feel duty bound to do so. His health situation is stablizing but i feel the gap between us even more. He gets irritated easily. He doesn't asks me or looks for me when im late working. We don't talk deeply about major things like the future.My boss gives me confusing signals. We banter sometimes via text but when we see each other we are both very professional and polite at least during official work. But when people start winding down for example after events or meetings, he's friendlier. One time, during a board meeting, he saw me standing and he took his bag from the chair. He whispered to me - sit here, you're more important than that bag, much much more and you should know that - while looking intently at me. I just gave a soft laugh to dismiss it casually. Then we were back to professional mode. After the board, everyone went out for drinks. When he arrived, he slid down next to sit close beside me, put his arm around mine and said im going to sit beside this lady and he did that in front of other colleagues who are also top management. I don't know what others are thinking but i tried not to look at him so much. We talked with other people, not with each other but he would whisper comments. After some drinks we were all starting to talk about personal life which i don't do much. He talked about his 'type' (i don't fit as in not super skinny), showed some pics to me too. I showed him for the first time a photo of my partner. We never talked about our love life prior and i know he was unsure previously of my home situation.We talked about our strong passion for social equality, the good about our business and stuff. I now know he dates younger girls from time to time and most likely playing that field. Everyone left and i was waiting for my partner to pick me up but he stayed and we just talked. He left when my partner was to arrive. I feel like a strong friendship between us starting but it's scary because i feel attraction and tension. I don't know how he really feels, if he just feels sorry for me or if he just needs an equally strong woman as a friend at work.Or if he's just flirty and exercising dominance. His actions and familiarity confuses me. It's like we have this unspoken word. I know it's a danger zone, one never shits on your own backyard at work. I need help. How do i handle things and emerge still strong and whole. Thank you for listening, i don't have anyone to unburden this to. I have a public high profile business persona and no female colleagues that i can tell this to.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear last aunt who commented
Yes i feel flattered with the attention. But it doesn't mean im rushing head on. That's one reason I posted here, analyzing things help one to be more rational.
I know im projecting my own problems into this attraction Again, the answer is realizing what I rreally want, with myself, with my current relationship and my career.
Thanks for all the advice. Im not yet over about how to deal with current relationship and my boss. But analyzing where I stand right now helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2016): So what if you are sexy and attractive and young looking for your age? Soooooo????What does that have to do with anything????Makes you a target. Although I suspect men like this will flirt with just about anyone female.Clearly you are liking the form of validation this young man is lavishing on you.A little too much.Or you wouldn't be here.Make no mistake. Most women would like the attention. But most women would leave it at harmless, meaningless flirtation. The man will only up his game with somebody he feels he's in position to score with. So, the harder he tries with you, the more he knows you are more receptive to his advances than anyone else is. So, it's also a game of numbers. Which one is the easiest to land? Her? Ok, then I am going to up my game with that one and put others on slow simmer. Just in case. He needs to have back ups, you know. The player is going to need a roster. You might be the star right now. But that can change at any time. Men like this feel entitled. They are ego driven. All you are is a boost to his ego. Don't think for a minute that he would ever be loyal to you. He would drop you in the blink of an eye. Throw you under the bus if he had to. So much to lose for somebody so not worth it.At this moment, you are straddling the line all too dangerously.Get off the slippery slope before you fall. It's going to be a nasty fall, too.In the end, we all know you are going to do what you want to do. If you choose to proceed and ignore all warning, then it will be your own undoing. And you will learn the hard way that you should have taken the good advice before you.I have seen guys like this billions of times. They feel powerful and try to land women. Think it's their God given right. They are so egotistical and out of touch with reality that they go so far as to play their game in the workplace on vulnerable, unsuspecting women. Trust me, the ones who are wise stay far away. Guys like this end up sleeping with several women. Likely the women do not even know about each other. Each of them thinks she is special and the only one. Guys like this seem to be able to pull it all off. Usually because they are good liars and actors. Players always are. Just think you need to wise up. See this for what it is in all its ugliness. You are going to be hurt in endless ways. Better to step away now.I feel bad for your partner. You do sound a touch selfish and I sense a bit of ego on your part, too. Your partner is suffering. Either you step up or step out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the insights and advice. Yes while I had relationships before, I only had three long term relationships - my first boyfriend in collage, then someone who was mentally abusive for 7 years and then my partner (whom i have been with for the past 10 years). With my current partner, we started as best friends and I guess while we were romantic at the start of the relationship, the fact that we were friends first made me felt really safe. It has been a really safe relationship emotionally and physically. It's like we are companions looking out for each other. Colleagues say that I am smart, attractive, sexy and young looking (people always mistake me for late 20s or early 30s, it's genetics) but I am too driven, focused on excelling at work, and serious and that for a woman, that's scary.I'm more resolved now to just focus on work and also face my own personal issues. Thinking also of getting my current partner and i to have like a serious assessment session, perhaps even out of town so we can be totally focus. It's scary for me also but something that needs to be done soon. Meanwhile, i can't avoid my boss but I'll really strive to be more professional.Thanks aunts, will update.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (5 July 2016):
 Just because you don't see it, OP, doesn't mean he doesn't do it - it means he's careful and subtle enough to not draw attention. Can you imagine flirting with loads of women at work and they found out they weren't *the* special one and we're just one of many? He'd have annoyed workers on his hands.You really need to literally forget this guy, drop him off of your radar, and focus on the relationship you have now.I hate to be doom and gloom about your age, but you need to decide within a month or two, if you can, whether or not you want to stay. Ideally, you'd have chosen 5ish years ago, but now you need to accept that, chances are, you'll either be a birth mother with this guy (not necessarily his DNA), a single birth mother (using a donor), or an adoptive mother (which makes you no less a mother than a birth one!) who is single or in a relationship (whether it's this guy or not).At the same time, don't rush your decision based on your chances of having a bio baby. The bond you can have with an adopted child isn't less than you can have with a birth child, so base your decision on your overall happiness.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): Are you with your male boss 24/7? How do you KNOW what he is doing when you are not around him? You DO NOT!! Just because you don't see it, does not mean it is not going on. Don't be naïve, OP!! That is just your ego talking. Nobody wants to think they are a dime a dozen, nothing special. But to men like this, you are a dime a dozen, nothing special. Can you not see he is TRYING to make you feel special? He is trying to PLAY YOU by doing whatever he can, saying whatever he can to make you feel special. Tap into your vanity and insecurity. Do you have a lot of experience with men in general? It does not appear so. A piece of meat is all you are at the end of the day. One which your boss sees as easy prey. You have made that obvious to him. He is trying to go in for the kill. He is working you slowly. Loosening you up so that he can get into your pants. Can you see that??? I am sorry to be so direct but this is just the way it is. You need a reality check. So, instead of saying in a wishy washy sort of way you will keep your cool and keep your distance, mean it. Do it. Stand firm. I don't sense enough firmness or urgency in your resolve. You have received some pretty brilliant advice here. You need to take it seriously. Otherwise you are going to end up in an even worse spot than you are in right now. How do I know? Because I was you at one time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear aunts - thank you for the really well thought advices. I do have fears confronting the situation at home as i feel a strong sense of duty. That being said, you are all right in pointing out that i need to figure out what i want, what we want. No i don't see the younger boss acting close to other girls t work. But yes it's me, i guess i don't know how to handle things that well, not being used to that kind of male attention after a long while. Right now i have to keep cool and put that distance too between us so the situation eon't get anymore more perilous. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear aunts - thank you for the really well thought advices. I do have fears confronting the situation at home as i feel a strong sense of duty. That being said, you are all right in pointing out that i need to figure out what i want, what we want.
No i don't see the younger boss acting close to other girls t work. But yes it's me, i guess i don't know how to handle things that well, not being used to that kind of male attention after a long while. Right now i have to keep cool and put that distance too between us so the situation eon't get anymore more perilous.
Thanks
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 July 2016):
OP, forget this other guy - it's not important. What is important is that you don't waste any more time worrying about anything unnecessary. What *is* necessary for you to deeply consider and decide as soon as possible is whether you are happy to stay with your partner for the rest of your life?
Adoption a child or using sperm donor is an option, but do not stay with this man just because he's ill. If you're not happy and not getting what you need, leave.
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female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (4 July 2016):
 I've never seen such a thorough answer from an aunt (the long reply from anonymous aunt). An absolutely superb advice section for all women who have professional careers. I will just add this : men like your boss will like many women. The high maintenance professional woman at work. The bubbly college girl. The sexy intern. The mature secretary. It doesn't matter ...if he is successful he will get attention of any kind. You are just in that circle. His attention sounds flattering . It really does but from your post, you're too much of a thinker , career driven woman. You sound uptight so much that a man who smiles at you can break you. You're so strong on the outside, but so fragile on the inside. You're carrying so much , your job, your partner, your resolve, your exterior. You need step back, relax, learn what it means to be softer on outside, stronger on outside. Take some time off to know who you are, get in touch with your needs, make love to your man, let your man make love to you ( toys, touching, even if his illness may prevent sexual arousal if he loves you, your needs matter), go out with your girlfriends, plan a date night, SMILE at other men, allow men open doors for you, allow people to give to you, go walk your dog, smell the roses, laugh, go out dancing ..what Im saying is work on you. From the inside, the emotional side, the side that needs be the strongest. You need to take of that side that makes you a woman, the alluring creature we are and be open to being vulnerable. What does this have to do with you, you say ? Everything. The moment you realize your own powers, sexuality, strengths, weakness, feelings, authenticity, this guy at work has no power over you. He can be your mailman, your boss, your professor, your partner, whatever...he will instantly feel your confidence, your BOUNDARIES, your sensuality, your values, your very essence. And they can't help but be respectful, in awe, boy like, giving, aware. You're so tuned up, masculine, giving, job oriented so strong on outside you have gotten lost on how to set boundaries with your boss, with your work schedule, with telling your partner your needs, and forgetting to work on your well being outside of workI deeply advice you to focus on finding that balance and stepping away from your job ...so you can find that strength from within. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): I would hate to see you mess up your life over a fleeting attraction. Not only is this man your boss - which is something you need to take very seriously - but he is also a young man who is likely lapping up your attention towards him. If he takes off his boss hat, this is what young guys do. They lap up the attention of women. And if he is attractive to women in general, then we can safely assume he is used to female attention and perhaps uses it as an ego boost wherever he can. Work is no exception. Just because he is confident as a boss or at his job does not mean he is mature and evolved in amorous relationships. He may just be a boy disguised in big boy pants. Keep this in mind. Also keep in mind that you might be a novelty for him. An older woman expressing interest. He is probably used to the younger variety so the fact you are an older woman has intrigued him. But do not take this as a green light to a mutual attraction on his end. I think he is simply just flattered by your fondness of him. I have seen these situations go wrong often. You have made a career for yourself. You have earned a good reputation. You have worked hard. Your colleagues respect you. Why would you want to gamble all of that on what is potentially a losing hand? You are playing with fire. Think about the repercussions. What if you did get involved and he only wanted a fling? To have sex with you and move on. How would you handle that? He may be charming and alluring and you being in a vulnerable spot are susceptible to his advances. So, what happens if you both caved after an after work drink? I can tell you that if you did cave, you would only be another notch on his belt. Further, he would tell others about it. Word would spread. You would no longer be taken seriously. You would be the subject of malicious gossip. You may be fired from your job. Everything you have every worked for will go up in flames. He would hold a lot of power over you. He may take up with someone else in the work place. How do you know he wouldn't? Do you not think that with such a charming and open way about him, he might be doing the very same thing to another woman or women? Whether they are in your place of business or in his life outside work? How do you know he is not sleeping with someone right now? Women must beware of men like this. A player is a player whether he is in a suit or in a pair of jeans. Whether he ranks highly on the corporate ladder or serves coffee at Starbucks.I want you to think rationally as the intelligent, enlightened woman that you are. Do not fall to weakness. You are stronger than this. And smarter. What you need to do is get your focus off this man and back onto your relationship. You need to decide what to do with it. You are seeking a diversion or escape from your problems. From making future life decisions. They are weighing on you heavily and you are looking to lighten the load by hoping to take a spin on a magic carpet ride. Well, let me tell you that magic is an illusion. It is not real. And whatever façade you are choosing to see is fleeting. As fleeting as a butterfly avoiding the grasp of your hand.This young man is not your saviour.He is not your answer.He is not the solution to your problems.He will make things even worse. And from the looks of it, you already have enough on your plate without adding this mess in the making to your life.You need to do that hard work. I know it is not easy to go deep and make such difficult decisions but you are clearly a strong woman who can. You need to have an honest and open discussion with your partner about the future. Where you see yourselves headed. Do you still love each other? Do you still love him? Want children with him? They are hard questions with even harder answers. But you need to ask them and be honest about your responses. There is no shame in changing the course of your life. There is no shame in leaving a relationship if you are not fulfilled. Sometimes in life we are thrown curveballs. Sometimes relationships survive them and other times they do not. My husband and I were together 18 years. When we had our first child, the last thing we ever expected was for him to be diagnosed with autism. From there on, our relationship had changed forever; our life had changed forever. How could it not? Our relationship did not survive all the stresses and costs associated with coping with this condition. It was nobody's fault. It just happened. Some couples come together and some grow apart. For us, it was the latter. I, too was not sexually intimate with my husband for three years after the diagnosis. Taking care of our son and having his priorities at the forefront meant our relationship took a back seat and eventually it collapsed under the pressure. At this time, I, too was attracted to another man. I saw him as my way out. As a happy place amidst my personal hell. He was attracted to me as well. And if I had proceeded to become involved with him, it would have been like dancing with the devil. The object of your affection is disguised as everything you want them to be in that moment. But in reality, they are not. They are the person you are making them out to be, not the person they truly are. So, to your boss you are attaching rescue fantasies as well as Prince Charming fantasies. You are building him up into something he truly is not. It's just who you need him to be. Do you see what I am saying? So, instead of succumbing to the other man, I took a good, honest look at my marriage. I knew I was not happy, sexually or otherwise. And I left. And we had a son together who has a disability. But I left. I needed to. I knew I could not spend the rest of my life with this man. It was a tough choice. Life is all about those. But in the end, I decided it was best to hurt him honestly and be able to move on with my life freely and without regret. The last thing my ex husband needed was a cheating wife on top of everything else he was dealing with. He was dealing with many problems too. Just as I was. So, if you think about it from a compassionate view point, do you really think it is kind to start up with another man while your partner is ill? He did not choose it. Nobody does. Likely he is feeling depressed over his illness. Likely he feels like less of a man for you. Likely he is wallowing in it so that he has distanced himself from you. Not because he does not love you or care about you. But because he feels inadequate or a burden. It is hard to always fight. We all fall down sometimes. So, there is definitely significant stress on your relationship. But realize on his end he probably, too, is going through a lot. And needs you to understand and be empathetic. Not to mess it up by horsing around with somebody that I guarantee you is not interested in anything long term with you. He might have a fling but do you really want to be that girl? You will feel used and bad about yourself. You are already going through some personal exploration without having to add to it by lowering yourself to this kind of behaviour.Please be professional with your boss from now on. If he touches you, tell him you are not comfortable with this. Start drawing the line. Think logically and rationally. Like the professional that you are. Limit whatever time you have to spend with him. Ignore his flirty comments. Just laugh it off and move on. You can stand firm. If he texts you, keep them short and do not reply unless it is a business related question. No banter. No cutsie stuff. If you can keep to one word answers, he will get the message. He isn't stupid. You can always be friendly but have set the precedent on how you wish to be treated. If you allow him, he will continue doing what he does. You need to put a stop to it. It has already gone too far. But it is not too late to turn it around. Tell yourself it is a bad idea. It all starts in your own mind and what you tell yourself. Have that self talk. Every time you see him, think about all the damage you can do to your life, your job, your partnership at home. Let all that hit you like a train wreck. And hang onto those thoughts. Trust me, it is always the woman who comes out looking bad. Not the man. Likely he will keep his job if something did go on. He would even be promoted without hesitation. You, on the other hand, would not. And if you were not dismissed from your job, you would definitely have a bad reputation which would follow you around permanently and you would likely go no further in your career. Once somebody has a bad reputation, you can never shake those things off. Men, yes they can. I am not certain why. But women, cannot. We have to work that much harder and longer to be respected. Why would you want to throw all that away for a romp in the sheets at best?Keep your self respect. Keep your reputation. Keep your job. Keep your character. Keep your integrity.You are at work to do your JOB. They are paying you to work. It is not a dating service. Keep business and private life separate. Always, always, always.You never want to see a man use you and the last sight you see is him pulling on his pants, leaving you there without a good bye. You were never important to him. But he made you feel that way to make a quick score. Guys rank older women as a big score. You are so much more than that. I hope you know it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses so far. My partner's illness is autosomal recessive so yes that thought about having children who can possibly be ill is also at the back of our minds. Deep inside i know that the core of my problem is not even this other guy but my fears and insecurities towards the future with my current partner.
I do value and respect our relationship as well as my professionalism and career. That's why alarm bells are sounding in my head because i work closely with the other guy and the situation is dangerous if it does continue to be this way. I think he does sense my attraction that's why he's also that way.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 July 2016):
 First off, don't cheat. Decide in your HEART if your partner is you partner for life OR not. And if he is.. are you really ready to toss in the towel on intimacy for the REST of your life? How are you BOUND to him that YOUR life is almost forfeit?.
Secondly, is his illness genetic? If so... would it really be wise having children with him? I know that sounds a little cold and calculating, but.... who can handle a sick partner, a (possibly sick) child AND a career? It seems too much.
IT IS possible to keep it at a friendship level, but I can imagine when you get NO intimacy at home it's VERY tempting from this guy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2016): I am a Healthcare Professional. I would say do not stay with your partner out of guilt or because you feel obliged to. Life is too short. Put yourself first. Be brave.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2016): Let me start by saying that I work with disabled people and their families every day. Many people in their 60s and 70s struggle to look after someone they've been married to for a lifetime but you were only with your partner for a year when he got sick, you aren't married and you have no children. The fear for the future and loneliness make it a huge commitment and you are only half way through your life.It's easy to judge and say you should devote your life to this man but should you? Would you still be with him if he had never got sick? He would survive without you and in fact there are women who would happily enter a relationship with someone that's ill. I know I've met them. We aren't all after status and money. Maybe part of his unhappiness stems from the fact that he feels you are still with him for all the wrong reasons.I'm not sure this man at work is interested in you. His behaviour sounds like what goes on every day in every workplace. He's made no overtures towards you and by the sound of it he isn't shy. He seems quite touchy feely but perhaps that's his culture. Men (and women) love attention and we're all inclined to be nicer to someone when we sense they have a liking towards us. When asked his "type" he didn't say an older woman and describe you to a tee did he.In your position I wouldn't pursue it anyway. Women are judged much more unfairly than men and you obviously have a high status job and value your professionalism. Do you want to be regarded as the workplace cougar?You must be aware that at your age the chances of having a child are dwindling. If I were you I'd make a decision. If you decide to stay with your partner then try and have a child now. Why wait? Time is not on your side. If you decide to end your relationship then there are a few people who will judge you but your life is more important.
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reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (3 July 2016):
Don't cheat - either leave your partner or stay loyal.
You've gone through a lot, so I don't blame you for feeling like you need more sexual contact, but I actually think a child might be what you need. If you still see your future with your partner, why not have a child? If you can afford it and have the time to look after them.
However, if you will be unhappy and need more in a relationship, talk to your partner about having an open relationship or just break up. I know it's not easy to leave, but you both deserve to be getting what you need in a relationship.
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male
reader, Denizen +, writes (3 July 2016):
 When some people have a partner who is seriously ill they bail. Is this you?
And this young boss, is he really interested? If men think a woman is attracted they will often respond. But it doesn't mean they will compromise their job, leave their girlfriend or wife and take up with you. I mean seriously? You are kidding yourself.
A bit of flirtation helps the day go by, but it's not a good idea for you to expect more. And if you did progress this relationship what a hell hole you would be in then.
You are naturally looking for something to enliven your life because your partner is a drain on your energy. It's natural. However you need to keep things in proportion. Don't go overboard.
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