A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:MY husband and I run own online business. I started my business almost 2 years ago in total when I add up the time it took me to build it to what it is today. Its all online so i work from home. My husband quit work about 6 months ago to join in the journey because i was making way over enough for both of us, but im starting to get frustrated.I created my business from basically nothing. I worked hours and hours on end to build an audience to get the name out there and there was times i wanted to pack it all in when i got over stressed with it or when it didnt nudge however i continued and it worked.Since my husband left work to be with me he has not helped me one bit, it doesnt bother me about the not helping me the part what bothers me is when he takes joint credit. I have done everything from naming and describing my stock to storing and stock taking over 200 products to packing shipping and dealing with customer emails to working my social media accounts to gain customers. It entails a lot of work and its all worth it but what hurts me is when i am there at night shattered and he asks me did you make any more money? he tells me We need to make more than x y and z , you need to pack those orders, you need to work the shop. I hear this daily and it drives me insane sometimes because i don't need him to tell me what to do i grew and created this and i know what i have to do but sometimes i just don't want to do it all the time for example after 6 in the evening. I found from being your own boss Its a 24 hour thing if i am not packing i am working the social media pages so sometimes i want to switch off which i dont think he gets. Today i spent 5 to 6 hours counting and fixing stock all i got at the end of the night was any sales? i said no i was busy at stock and he looks at me with disapointment like i failed. Don't get me wrong he is my rock and having him at home with me daily makes me really happy as i hate being on my own. I feel i have taken this business as my child and now i am so far in I feel now its too late for me to hand over the wheel so easily because i've worked so hard for it to become a joint credit because i have done 100% all the difficult bits, am i being selfish in saying this? After all he is my husband? But i feel when he now asks sometimes to let him do the social media parts for instance i don't want to show him because he never offered before when i was in dire strain and never previously helped when i needed him most? I wish he would offer to pack away orders or offer to count things or even offer to do something other than upload on social media. I just get so annoyed when he tells family we are flat out with work or that I can't be wasting the money i slaved for on clothes .Can someone give me advice ? Am i just being stupid? I just feel now after 6 months to ask me to help is no good now as the hardest work is finished. I know in marriage its us and we but what happens when you are the one thats done everything is it really our business is one is slack and one is bending backwards to get it right? Are we the bread winners or is it the person that is working? I need advice help me!!! :( Should i just stop with the guard and let him take credit or what? Something inside says its yours you did it all and another part says he is your husband its only right to let him take credit help!!
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 July 2016):
 I am a fellow business owner and have been for over 15 years. I know what it's like to feel the pride in hours and hours of work, digging in the trenches, dealing with the government, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars and countless hours of work in expanding, dealing with legal stuff, and making and learning from mistakes, and investing in new directions that are always risks. I know the sleepless nights. I know the days staring at the computer ledgers and spreadsheets. I know looking at my appointment book and cherishing a 45-minute block of time as if it were pure gold.
I can tell in your post that you're one of the very few who "gets" it. If I knew you in person, I'd go out with you for a drink and talk shop, because there are so few of us.
From what it sounds like, your husband's not only about credit, he wants to tell you how to run your business. You feel like you shouldn't have to answer to him when you built your empire from scratch, and now he feels like he has a managerial say in it. I GET THAT TOO! I'm really lucky that my husband has respected that "line of demarcation", because there is one.
Your problem arises out of his quitting his job of 6 months. It would be a lot easier if he still had an outside job, because then your work is your work and not his. Your problem also arises out of his feeling like the head of the household, yet you are the head of the business. His and your ego is in conflict over that, and you clearly know every single drop of sweat, every inner working, every cog, every transaction, and yet he's taking you to task over things he wasn't there to build. I get it! I hired every one of my employees. I hired my attorney, my accountant, I negotiated for every penny my business spends. In your case, you negotiated for your stock. You set the prices. You push for exposure. I don't know what having a sole online business is like, as my website is the "front window" for my business instead of the engine itself.
My advice for you is, of course, partially in the form of a question:
Can your husband go back to work in his outside capacity? Will your business survive if he's no longer a part of it in any way??
If the answer is YES, THAT would be the easy and perfect solution. Let him do his job, and you do yours. His sticky fingers and his accountability in day-to-day would vanish, and his interest would dwindle to the results of your monthly profit and loss statements (and the paycheck you draw, of course).
You said he never helped you in the past 6 months. What did he DO in the past 6 months?? Why did he leave his job? Do you have children? Was he being the homemaker for yours and his children?
If the answer is NO, then it's a bit more difficult. If there are children to watch, then you and he need to sit down and discuss it. If this is YOUR business, he needs to treat you like you're an employee of an outside firm and not like he's your manager. He should treat you like you work for an outside company, especially if your business has its own filing, it's own bank accounts, and its own money separate from your home spending. (which it SHOULD be if you want to protect your personal liability from your business liability. In the US, we call those businesses LLC's, or Limited Liability Corporations).
If you haven't separated your finances, now's the time.
Tell him that if he wants to have a say in how it's run, he needs to get his hands dirty. Otherwise, if he's watching your children, give him the credit due a loving spouse who you couldn't live without. His ego is going crazy, and I know you, Ms. Type A, who you need to be to make it in this world, your ego is your weakness.
If your husband is not working outside the business, where will he get his validation?? From YOU. You need to show appreciation when he does stuff for you. You need to let him know that he's a valuable part in your organization, just as if he's an employee, but when it comes to family, they seem to get the "leftovers", or he gets you after the world has gotten you, meaning you get resentful and cranky at his wanting to take credit, or make you answer to him in business dealings.
Give him a task to make him feel big in. Give him SOME of the social media, and make him responsible for bringing in and maximizing the traffic that he generates. If he generates traffic, then have him do the heavy labor in SATISFYING those orders, meaning he has to pack and ship and stuff. He has no other job to have an ego over, so he's stepping on your toe until you give him an area where he can feel pride.
Don't let your ego and the fact that it's your husband blind you from the fact that he is a tool in the business, and you need to turn his desire for making his mark in your favor. Don't make it a pissing match no matter how much he wants you do. Give him a subdomain to be responsible for, then you can hold HIM to task for it.
My husband worked for me for several years before getting a ridiculously good offer from a former client of mine. I gave him a bunch of projects to do beforehand and praised the daylights out of his successes in them. I also put him in charge of one of my expansions, and he did great in it. YES, he did fall a little into the "I answer to him" ego thing, but instead of getting pissed, I turned it into a competition. I gave him some responsibility, and I had some too, and we tried to "outdo" each other. Heh, we ended up having some awesome "afternoon delight" during office hours. I miss those times. :)
Give him a slice. Make him accountable for that slice. See if he does well. OR, have him go back to work outside of your business.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 July 2016):
 Why not sit him down and tell him these things need done, if you want to be an active part of the company it would be GREAT for you to pitch in with XYZ not just suggestions. (of course you may want to worded it differently).
Wishing he would do this or that is... pointless. That is like me wishing my husband would just sweep the darn floors after he drags in dirt and grass from the yard - I can "wish" it all day but I NEED (and so do you) to VERBALIZE that need. Like in my case, honey, can you please sweep the floors you dragged in dirt?
There is SO much less resentment if you just TELL him what you expect or want of him instead of wishing or hoping that he will read your mind and do it on his own.
So figure out what NEEDS done that you feel you can trust him with, and ask if he will pitch in with doing those things. I tell you life gets easier when you don't expect your partner to read your mind.
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