A
female
age
30-35,
*en1689
writes:Long, but needed..My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months today. We have an amazing relationship. We've had only a couple minor confrontations, and we always try to make each other smile. He's been living with me for about 3-4 weeks now, and things have been going great. Before we got together, I had just split with my ex (whom I had been with for a year and half-ish). We broke up on pretty bad terms (I realized that I never really loved him and asked him to move out after living with him for about a year. We met over MySpace.). After living alone and dating a couple guys over the course of a few months, I decided to give my current boyfriend a try. He had been pursuing me for months, and claims that he had fallen in love with me when he first met me. We actually fought quite a bit before we got together because he was too persistent and relentless in trying to get me to date him. I feel as though I caused him a lot of pain because I rejected him so many times. Once we started dating, everything was amazing. I even lost my virginity to him after only being with him a month because I was so in love with him.Thing is, my issue has absolutely nothing to do with our relationship.. A little under a year before we started dating, he had gotten out of a relationship of three years (on-and-off). In the beginning, we told each other a lot about our past relationships to convey what we were wanting out of this relationship with each other. I didn't have a problem with this, but it's continued to come up over the course of our relationship. He's had absolutely nothing positive to say about this girl (he dated her from the time he was 17 until he was 20. She was 14-17 during this time. He told me that their relationship only consisted of sex, fighting, breaking-up, getting back together, sex, her cheating, her being immature and disrespectful and controlling, etc. He claims that he never really loved her, and that he was never truly happy with her. I asked him that if that was the case, why he had stayed with her for so long. He said that if he was honest, it was because of the sex. I'm not sure I believe that.. But if that's what he says, I'll accept it. He also said that at the time, he didn't have a ton of confidence, and that she had convinced him that she was the best he'd get. I can accept that as well, I guess. Though he paints an image of being pretty popular in school due to sports and whatnot.What I can't accept is the fact that I've become obsessed with this girl. I found her pictures on MySpace and Facebook, and she's fairly attractive. I'm not conceited in saying so, but I'm more attractive than she is. I'm told daily that I'm beautiful. I'm hit on constantly, and I'm in great shape. But I've been insecure my entire life, and nothing has changed now. I've suffered from an eating disorder for five years now that's just now starting to get better. Still, I find myself constantly looking at her pictures and comparing myself to her. She's dropped out of school now and has had a child at 18. She's also engaged to one of the guys she cheated on my boyfriend with. He was worried for a while that it might be his before we got together.I know she has absolutely NOTHING that I want. She's making nothing of herself, and her life is pretty much over. I just can't stop thinking about the fact that she had my boyfriend for three years of his life, and had his affection before I did. I truly have nothing to worry about. He hasn't spoken to her since last year right after they broke up. So why do I feel so insecure about this? I'm driving myself insane with these mental images of everything they went through. I feel as though I know every single detail of their relationship because we've discussed it so much. What do I do..? I can't keep this up. It's making me distance myself from my boyfriend, and I know that I'm going to drive him away eventually if this continues. Please help me..
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broke up, cheated on my boyfriend, confidence, engaged, facebook, immature, insecure, lost my virginity, my ex, myspace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (19 September 2009):
Its jealousy believe it or not. Even though u say u look better then her its not looks its about ur boyfriend and all she had from him. U envy her in a way. U feel she has had something u haven't got from him yet. It happenes I've been with my man 6 years we broke up for like 4 months and the girl he started to see was the same way worried about me and what we use to do and if he would ever come back to me. In my case he did and I knew he would we just needed to see we are for each other. But if he doesn't want her back and is over her. Take ur man and claim him. He's urs and if he's a good guy and she messed up she will be hating on u wishing she had what u had!! Don't lose him over this....he's ur man and u can make memories with him now! Take pictures and post em on my space be proud u have him and hold on to him. Good luck and don't worry about her cause she has moved on so should u
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): You can read this article, although it talks to guys about it, you can get the idea about what the writer is trying to say. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/getting-over-your-girlfriends-sexual-history-how-i.htmlIn any case you just have to realize that you aren't living in the past and nor is he. He is with you NOW and not with her. It is unfair for you to act like this, it would be unfair if he did the same with your ex. It is just something you have to overcome yourself, since you are the one who is letting it drive you crazy. Stop comparing yourself to her. You are not her and no one is asking you to compare. Your boyfriend is right in front of you, loving you and treating you right and feels safe with you enough to share his past. Don't you feel the same way about him? You must have because he is your first and it has only good things. You can doubt your boyfriend but he knows his reasons on why he stayed with her and it seems like he is giving you the truth. It might be hard for you to believe but your boyfriend was a different person then, not self confident as the woman he thought he loved would constantly hurt his feelings. You just need to stop thinking about this other girl. And stop obsessing over her. Try to realize what you have in front of you and realize that he is with you, the love of his life.
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