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female
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anonymous
writes:It is Valentines day and I guess it has got me thinking. Three years ago my twelve year relationship ended and my boyfriend just withdrew from my life. I have done well in every area of my life but when it comes to romance, I am terrified and with those fears really do not even try to make the effort to reconnect with someone else. In my mind,when I do a check and balance about the possibility of having a relationship, it just seems like a lot of effort and fuss for something which, to my mind will only cause more heartache because it seems I have been hurt every time. I am reasonably attractive, I think, but most of the time, do not even try to send out those vibes. Not all the time though..if I am in a situation where I am in a good place, I will flirt a bit, so there may be hope yet. I guess I know look at relationships as something I cannot do, do not know how to do as I have been hurt more often then not. I do see people in relationships who seem...well questionable so maybe I am just being hard on myself. I make excellent money so do not need a relationship for financial reasons but sometimes see people who are in if for that a bit and they seem to do just fine. Is is acceptable to give up on love or should I give it another chance or two. I bet there are others who feel this way so the answers given here will go along away and thank you to people who respond.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): ahem, slight typo in my earlier reply...
Go out and do things, meet people, LOVE. Love will follow..
should read:
Go out and do things, meet people, LIVE. Love will follow..
doesn't really change the context just means I need less thumbs and more fingers.
Hugs Star.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all who responded. High qualtiy answers...as usual.
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female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 You have had some good responses. I have been in a relationship but felt so alone most of the time. I feel the best thing to do is not hunt for a relationship. It will happen naturally. God placed both man and woman on the earth for a reason. We all need a mate.
I have seen so many lonely old men and women in life and wonder why they are so lonely. You do not have to have children but everyone needs a mate. dont rush it - expand your social life. Causal sex is painful.
Wish you all the best.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 February 2009):
Some people are perfectly happy without "love."
I was perfectly happy being single. (Although then I met my husband and he tricked me into falling for him.)
I could happily see myself going through life with the odd one night stand, the odd friend with benefits, and lots and lots of fabulous friends around me of both sexes.
There is a lot of pressure on us girls to "find a husband" even though it is 2009. If you have one there is still a lot of pressure to have kids. I feel quite strange in that I have no desire to grow and poo out a small living creature.
If you are happy as you are then carry on! If you happen to meet someone who is perfect for you then it will happen. If not and you are happy then what is the problem???
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): If you want a love relationship in your life then you have to take some risks.
What you have to do is learn to trust yourself. Trust yourself that what ever a guy does to you in a romance that you will have the right answers for you. You always have a choice to get out of the relationship or to back off if you aren't being treated the way you expect.
It is all about setting your personal boundaries early in a relationship, to let a guy know what you will and will not accept about how you want him to treat you.
You have to feel strong and confident about who you are on the inside, but be open and loving on the outside, and the way you can be courageous enough to do that is to trust yourself.
You learned something from those past relationships as in what kind of guy you don't want. Always tell the guy what you don't want, not just what you do want and tell him how you feel about things without trying to make him wrong and things will go a lot better.
If you trust yourself and know who you are then be brave enough not to pretend your way through a relationship be authentic and you will find a guy who is looking for YOU and no one else, otherwise the right guy won't recognize you, so be great, be yourself and be loving to get love and there will be ups and downs and pain, but you have to go through it to get to your happy ever after......right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): you can't ever give up on love, its always there and you sound fabulous, bright and intelligent. You were hurt by what happened, so like all wounds it takes time to heal.
Don't be afraid, it is a lot of pain and suffering exactly 50% of the time. The remaining 50% of the time its the most fantastic thing ever invented (assuming it was invented). If it was easy, then it wouldn't be worth it and how rubbish would all the singer, poets and artists be....
Go out and do things, meet people, LOVE. Love will follow..
Hugs Star.x
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