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female
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*essiew
writes: I found out five weeks ago that my husband visited a prostitute in February. He claimed he couldn't do anything as he wasn't aroused. It now transpires that indeed he was able to climax, as she perfomed a hand job on him !! I feel so disgusted, I could vomit at the thought that he chose to break our marriage vows of 8 years in this way. We have four young children, I am attactive and slim, and we had a good sex life. He doesn't give me any answers to why he done it, but has had a problem with porn in the past. My feelings are steadily getting worse day by day and I cannot see a way of getting over this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mainoku +, writes (25 October 2005):
Girl I feel for anf and am so sorry that this is happenning to you but Dont let emotions get the better part of you or you will loose him forever try to take this
1 He didnt tell you because he knew it will hurt and didnt want you to get hurt
2 He lied about it because he respects you and doesnt want you to know of that weakness, We humans sometimes doesnt want our loved ones or valued partners to know of our bad habits thnk of it how and why you will give those little lies in an itnerview or on a first date
3 He keeps on lying because he knows its dirty adn wouldnt want to be associated with that
Now dont be so fuss if he doesn`t submit to an apology most men dont and I think yours is a little light at last you knew he had porn problem ,its unfortunate that he got carried away and tried to experiment it. Just refer to some of your best conflict resolution days and give him a moment the best way to start is by forgiving him
A
female
reader, Nessiew +, writes (23 October 2005):
Dear Kel
Thank you so much for your response to my situation, I feel much stronger from your comments, I do hope that you are able to sort out your problems,, This porn thing is so dangerous if it isn't handled properly, as I can see now it started with that and that wasn't enough, If you ever want to email me direct please do : [email address blocked]
Thank you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): My heart goes out to you. This is reprehensible. As a mum of 4 young kids myself I could only imagine what I would be going through in your shoes. My husband and I have had ongoing issues over his oporn (I dont mean to imply thats ythis is even close to your situation) but I know that I have even had a lot of trouble with this and we have been in counseling for the past 6months. I think your husband really needs counseling. Maybe in time marriage counseling MIGHT be something you want to consider but only after he has proven himself worthy of you even taking a slight risk on counseling with him. Is it possible that he could leave the home and give you some space. You should not have to have him there if you dont feel comfortable with it. (personally I cant even stand to underdress in front of my H after the porn). Our counseler says that this is perfectly normal and that the onus is on him to realsie his actions have created this sitution. Like you I am attractive, healthy (although 5 kilos overweight) Would you believe that it came out in counseling that he was physically disatisfied with my body ?? he complained about normal changes such as stretch marks nd my breasts not being as perky as when I was 20. (for Gods sake I had 4 kids) What Im tring to say is the problem is HIS...just like my H dissaitisfaction was all about the fact he has polluted his mind with porn, likewise for your H. I can garantee you THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I would garantee you many other men are out there wanting real women like us to love and treat right.
I dont know if anything I say has made ay sense but only say I would do the following (if practical of course
1 ask him to leave indefinately
Tell him that if he wants any chance at salvaging your marriage he must seek help (and not one or two sessions)
He must continue to financially support the family
I would ask him to communicate with me only by letter until I felt ready to give him the privelidge of a face to face converstaion with me again. (I would also seriously consider whether I even want this)
I personally find it a lot easier to think when a person who has hurt me is removed from my presence, Im not sure how you feel about this just a suggestion/
He needs to know that in this situauion sorry doesnt cut it........Please love yourself and realsie that he has made himself unworthy of you....The power is all yours to makje your life what you want it to be
((HUG))KEL
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