A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm finally graduating college, I'm engaged to a wonderful guy, but his mother is causing major problems. He has been living back at home these last few months. When I visit my house and he stays with us, his mother goes nuts, screaming and crying that he doesn't care about his family and she could have predicted that my family would try to push them out. It's just ridiculous. My fiance had enough and did not go home for a week including Easter Sunday. He said he wanted to look for apts. Now, I'm back at school and he is again at home "in the fold" acting like this is normal. We had a chance to take care of a house this summer which he said he wanted to do, but now he's changed his mind. He doesn't want the added responsibility on top of his job, and he wants us to be able to go away on weekends when we want. I get that, but I'm desperate to get away from his family and the constant drama. His mother has actually made a tally sheet of how many nights we have stayed at her house. I would never have gone back home after school if I weren't engaged to him, and now it looks like I am being railroaded back into this living between our parents' houses. No way. I am so anxious that I feel sick. Is this a sign of what my life is going to be like? I just can't do it!
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female
reader, hurting32  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 I understand how you feel.. Ive been there with my Fiance. His mother is very jelouse and say since he left home.. hes not the same son she knew. The fact of the matter is.. Hes chosen a wife.. this means he needs to separate family bonds.. but at the same.. you have to be strong enough.. if you really love him.. to take whatever comes ur way.. respect her..she ishis mother.. no matter how over baring she is. Keep in mind thatthis situation isntjust hard on you.. its hard on him.. he doesnt want to feel that he has to choose between two women he loves.. Let his mother freak out.. she has to grieve him not being home anymore.. or being his number one woman in hs life anymore.. and while she does.. just be kind.. thoughtful.. and try to make this process easyer on her. Maybe call her and invite her out..with both of you of course.. build more of a relationship with her.. she will start to eas up.. but give her time. If you help her.. and try to understand what shes going through.. and focus on being the best woman you can be.. it will make evereything easyer on everyone..good luck..:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): Hi there, Please know there is a resolution to this problem, I have had a similar problem myself with my fiances parents. This was my situation and how I dealt with it.. We both moved home to our parents in the last 4 months, this was when I found out how interferring and meddling his mother is. To make a long story short, I tried to stay over in his parents house but couldn't stand her and all the interferring.. then I tried just staying now and then , maybe once a week or so. That didn't work, they had me pushed over the edge completely and the whole situation made me near crazy.. It ended up with me and him having a huge row over it all, I told him exactly how I felt about his mother and that I was never staying over in their house again. I gave him an ultimatum- stay with her or make plans to move out with me in next few months.. he chose me. It's not natural for adult kids to live with their parents and nobody ever has a good experience living with their in-laws. You can't go on as you're going , discuss it all, and unlike my situation try not to escalate it into a row. Tell him, you love him, that your relationship has no problems but his mother is too interferring. Even if he gets mad and chooses his mother, let him cool off and he may change his mind. If he doesn't, well, he comes with the mother then for the remainder of her life (which could be a very long one) so that'll drive you to split anyway in the long run if it carries on as it's going. good luck!
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A
female
reader, goowes +, writes (30 April 2010):
 It will be up to your guy, he must always respect his mom it shows how he'll treat you. The mom needs to let him be an adult, she sounds like he fills some thing for her that isn't his place. He has to have "the talk" with her. Meaning he has to stop the youth relationship and tell her how he prefers to be dealth with as a man. He needs to decide what is okay and not and tell her. She may not change but the situation will. If he doesn't cut the strings it will go on forever and his mother will hurt him without realizing it.
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