A
female
age
30-35,
*ixiePie
writes:i am desperate to fall pregnant, so much so that i get so depressed every period i have. i cry all the time and i physically hurt whenever i hold my niece. its got even worse since my fiance's best friend found out his gf is pregnant, it hurt me because they haven't even tried, she even told me she didn't want to ever get pregnant, so i'm selfishly feeling its unfair. i realise how childish this sounds. i get so down and though my fiance is there for me he gets upset that there is nothing he can do for me. we've been trying now for 5 months and nothing. i get so scared because i get pains during my period that are so severe i can't do anything, sometimes i can't even sit still but i'm too scared to go to the doctors in case of what i may find out. i don't know how any of you can help but i really needed to explain it to people unconnected. any advice will be appreciated.
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best friend, depressed, fiance, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): I am a different anonymous poster...
I too have horrible pains during my period often to the point where I can't stand and I have tunnel vision from the pain. I've never had any sort of STD, and I was diagnosed with a pretty common medical condition called endometriosis. Endometriosis happens when the lining of the uterus (for whatever reason) is found outside of the uterus in the fallopian tubes, ovaries, abdominal cavity, bowels, etc. When you have your period, your body attempts to eliminate this tissue regardless of whether it is in the proper place or elsewhere.
I highly recommend you see a doctor and have an exam done (they're quick and the doctor is always professional about the exam so don't worry about anything embarrassing). Because you so desperately yearn for a child and because you have such horrible pain during your periods, it is essential that you make an appointment as soon as possible. Endometriosis is something that can be treated when caught early. If you let it go untreated for long, it can cause permanent and irreversible damage often resulting in infertility. Please don't put off obtaining medical attention any longer!
A
female
reader, PixiePie +, writes (21 January 2010):
PixiePie is verified as being by the original poster of the question And to the poster who signed flynn 24, thankyou so much for your post. Its nice to know that people still believe that humans are designed to have children and therefore when you want to do what your body is designed to do that I shouldn't be judged wrong because of societies righteous beliefs.
I do try and relax during intercourse, we set aside 'us' time. I know it is probably too soon to be worrying so much and when I think about it rationally I understand that, its just this is such an emotional subject it clouds my judgement at times. I know having a child would be amazing and would give me a purpose and fill that last need that nothing else can satisfy.
Thankyou so much again for your post, it has calmed me
Xx
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A
female
reader, PixiePie +, writes (21 January 2010):
PixiePie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous poster, it is so good to hear of someone feeling the same. If you could private message me so we could talk more about it that would be great, half the problem is feeling so alone in this.
Xx
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A
female
reader, PixiePie +, writes (21 January 2010):
PixiePie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous poster, it is so good to hear of someone feeling the same. If you could private message me so we could talk more about it that would be great, half the problem is feeling so alone in this.Xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Since when is 18-21 not ready for a child? You are supposed to be able to handle all of this by then. Thats why you are legally an adult and can drink in any civilised society (and no America doesn't count, because you can't drink til 21 there).50 years ago, if you didn't have a kid by this time... you were virtually an outcast.These days, woe-betide anyone under the age of 30 who, GASP!, wants to do what their bodies are DESIGNED to do from the moment they hit puberty.Yes having a kid is hard work. Yes some things will fall by the wayside. But what you lose in children, they make up for in other areas. Primarily joy and happiness.As to why you haven't fallen pregnant. Stop trying so hard. Your stress levels are bound to affect this in some manner. Just go and take a weekened away on some beached with your man, don't even think about having kids. Just think about being in love and sharing that love with your man.The sex will be amazing, and you'd be surprised how many children are born out of such passion and love, than are born when you are simply going through the motions.It happened to my cousin and his wife. They tried for years with IVF and all that. None of it worked. In fact she wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. Their child was concieved ona single dirty weekend away. A single moment of passion was all it took.It could also be something medical, in which case you should go see your Doctor.And over-all don't stress. Humans are living longer and longer these days. Thats why you aren't really grown up by the time your supposed to be now. Its just a sad fact.And you've got a good 10-15 years or so before you might start having real trouble conceiving, as your ability to do that dimishes once you hit your 30's onwards.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): I myself was just about to type the same exact question almost. I do not have advice for you but I am glad I am not the only one experiencing this. I to want a child more than anything and my boyfriend is there for me but feels so helpless when i get so upset. My best friend also just found out she is pregnant again not planned and it really feels like a kick in the stomach! Y not me like! I just hope knowing others feel the same is some what comforting even if it doesnt help!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 January 2010):
 I think you need to ask yourself a couple of questions first.
Your age range says 18-21 - do you really think you are mentally, physically, emotionally and financially prepared to have a child?
You say you have a fiance, so that suggests you are not married yet, have you thought how a baby may impact on marriage plans - financially, as well as timing?
Do you have your own home, a car, do both of you have a good job?
Before you even consider having a child, you need to be secure in all these aspects of life. So get married, get your jobs sorted, then think about the family. Do you not want to spend a few years, with just you and your husband, enjoying yourself as a couple before you have kids? Remember once a child comes along, you get very little time to be together just you and him.
You are still very young, and have plenty of time. I know your body is screaming at you, and you think your body clock is ticking. We all feel it, but you still have many many years ahead of you for babies. But if you want to give the a child the best possible start, then get a good foundation built first, marriage, work, finance, house, car. A good solid relationship.
As for the pains during your period, you need to go the the doctor to find out what the problem is. It could be all brought on by stress - ie, you so desperately wanting to have a baby, that it is your body rebelling. If you are actively "trying" for a baby, then you should have gone to have a check up with the Doctor anyway, specifically a gynecological one, where they will give you the once over down below, check your blood pressure etc. If you have also been on the pill, then it can take many months for your body to settle down back to its normal routine. The majority of women take a while to fall pregnant, so you are not abnormal in that sense. Remember, the monthly bleed when you are on the pill is only a "withdrawal" bleed, not a proper period. It is essentially a fake. So your pains may just be "normal" period pains, but go get it checked out anyway.
Whatever you do, dont beat yourself up, and CALM down about everything. This will only make the pain worse, and your chances of concieving smaller. I would like to ask, whether the stress of the wedding is causing you any angst? Wedding preparations can often turn people into utter nervous wrecks.... could that be contributing to the situation?
I wish you luck.
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