A
female
age
36-40,
*quiggle
writes:I get very depressed sometimes and alot of the time I have no idea how to express what I'm feeling to my partner for fear of feeling insecure. I have a very loving relationship but at times we fight - and when we do it's absolutely awful. His last relationship before me was with a woman fifteen years older than him - he's 22 and I'm 20. It bothers me and it makes me think he has a penchant for older women. He had great times with her and they're still friends now. But after years of trying to get over the panic attacks I suffered I feel the things they shared that make him smile when he thinks back to them are things I'll never share. I dabble in cocaine - not alot because I was in hospital for it a while back. They both had great jobs when they were together raking in the money and got coked up and had loads of sex. They went on holiday together and drank alot and from the sounds of it they had an amazing time. He always goes on about her but I havent met her yet and we've been together for seven months and I get the feeling I will some time soon. I get nervous - although she's 17 years older than me she#s really beautiful and looks alot younger. She has an incredible figure, she's athletic, she's a teacher and she can keep up with him and have more fun than I can. I feel insecure about whether or not they'll seem flirtacious towards each other when they see each other again. They had a kind of sex buddy relationship since they were friends beforehand and never let anything get serious. She seems so care free. I sometimes feel like because it was always so no strings with them that he'll like her more and he'll want to sleep with her again. I don't know what I should do. Whether I should be secure in myself. I dress kooky and have black, pink, purple, blonde and red hair down to my waist, I'm 7 stoneand often get compared to avril lavigne - guys have always bent over backwards for me but she's older than me and I think more fun than me, She's blonde and tanned, successful, acts a lot younger and dresses normally but smart and sophisticated - she's basically the opposite to me. I don't have much money. Me and my boyfriend live together and are both on benefits. I don't know how to cope it's making me sick thinking about it and I find myself avoiding letting him go on the internet and look on facebook - his only contact for her other than showing up at her door - which I'm sure he will when we're back in the area - in a couple of weeks!!! Am I irrational?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 August 2008):
 It's the carefree no-strings relationship that draw men like flies. Try to keep a level head and don't get wrapped up in depression (or coke) because it clouds your vision. Stay sharp. He is with you. Yes, she probably still has a lure on him, but since you don't live in the same town, it's less of a problem. Just be sure you accompany him when he goes to the area where she lives. Otherwise, I would worry that he'll see her behind your back. He has not gotten over her yet, but that's okay. In time all things pass. Just be comfortable in your own skin, that is very sexy to men. Good luck.
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