A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating an identical twin for the last 4 years. We have been doing well except when it comes to spending time with his brother and his sister in law. When we are all together, I am always to one that is left out. I always get left out of conversations and often catch them whispering to each other. They stand in a circle so i don't get involved. At first I ignored this behaviour but as tome pasted it annoyed me. Now when I say something to my partner he just says that the three of them have more in common. He asks what he can do to fix the situation and then never follows througb. I really hate the feeling of being left out so now I don't go out with them but it's me again who misses out. I have no idea on what to do.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2017):
 I could understand this being a problem early dating but four years in to the relationship and you still feel like this? Honestly am not sure I could have coped with this. Sometimes my husband gets carried away talking about something and forgets I am in the room but I make conversation with people myself and make an effort. We really do need to get down to the bottom off this. Do you make an effort yet they still leave you out? Or do you sit quietly so they just carry on without you? For your boyfriend to say he has more in common with them than you is a very strange thing to say. If that was the case then surely you could talk to them about some interests in your life and get a conversation going? You really do need to talk to him again about this, or even ask the sister in law to leave the men to it and get to know each other better.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (31 October 2017):
 What do you do? Maybe you wake up to the fact that after FOUR YEARS, your boyfriend has no regard or care for you and never plans on making you a PRIORITY in HIS life..
After that time you should be considering each other for marriage! Not shunning you for the cooler kids or something- cliques are for bullies and school kids.
Listen. If someone knows something upsets their partner and they KEEP doing it (for 4 years omg) that means they DON'T LOVE YOU. People in love SHARE each other's pain- if you knew it affected him, you would feel terrible for him and at least TRY and make up for it
Instead he's constantly kicking you down! On top of that he's encouraging/ ALLOWING the other two to help him do that..
Ultimately though- YOU are allowing it. By STAYING with this prick..
To put up with this treatment for THIS long shows you have a very low opinion of yourself- is this really what you deserve?
Give YOURSELF some respect- because you're not guna get much out of HIM. You've wasted too long, cut your losses.
No matter how scared of leaving/ in love you are with someone, you're doomed to unhappiness if you're with a loveless partner! And he doesn't love you I'm sorry- the fact he doesn't give one scrap of care for your feelings and is happy to subject you to this loveless sham for FOUR YEARS prove that.
Please get out and start living a happy life
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (31 October 2017):
 This guy is a long term bf for crying out loud, so he should listen to what you have to say and be more respectful, inclusive and accommodating.
To be honest with you, i don't think your bf really cares that you're being left out and are feeling as you feel.
For him to tell you that the three of them have more in common, i mean, come on, that's crazy!
How on earth can your bf, or the other two even know if you've less in common with them, when they've never even granted you the opportunity to prove them all otherwise.
You need to call him and the other two out on this ridiculous behaviour.
It's a hard situation for you to be in, because you're right, if you don't join them, you're missing out even further, yet when you do, they still talk and whisper together leaving you to wonder what's going on and why?
The thing is though, if you allow this to happen and to continue, you're actually allowing them to win.
Maybe this is what his SIL secretly wants/thrives upon.
She just loves being the center of attention ans simply can't help herself.
Your bf, his twin brother and your bf's SIL, are going to be an important part of your bf's life for the rest of his life, so you are going to have to find a way to fit in and to be included, if your relationship with your bf is to last.
I doubt that you and your bf will last if this continues, because you will never feel content and you'll always feel isolated from your bf when he's with his brother and SIL.
You should sit down one night and discuss this issue with your bf and demand some respect from him.
If he cannot show you basic respect and courtesy, then what's the point remaining with him?
It isn't too difficult for him to spend quality group time with his twin and his SIL, so why not include you too?
You aren't a casual friend, you're his gf of 4 years!
Do something about this and i would even go as far as to let him know that you don't appreciate their behaviour when together and this behaviour makes you feel unhappy to be around all of them and that you don't appreciate them creating their own little circle that pretty much shuts you out.
I wish you the best of luck and let me know how you go.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016  +, writes (31 October 2017):
That is an awfully strange situation. Personally I would be hurt and offended if he said I had nothing in common w/the group. If he did care about you, he would make the situation easier for you to fit in. If this continues, leave, don't be w/a guy who doesn't consider your feelings.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (30 October 2017):
You have put up with your boyfriend’s disrespect for four years. Why? It is his job to include you. You have discussed it with him and he has ignored your concerns. It shows his relationship with his brother and SiL is more important than his relationship with you.
The $64,000 question is how long will you put up with being the fourth in their ménage a trois.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2017): The problem here is your boyfriend and his uncaring, nonchalant attitude about this problem. He has told you that you have nothing in common with them. That is like slapping you in the face. Telling you just to put up with it because it will never change. It's like he is putting you down and is trying to keep you out. That's his excuse. Nobody has everything in common with everybody else but surely you can find something in common to build upon. To have some kind of common ground. We may not be the same type of person as others but usually we are able to find a common thread or two to converse and be able to be social. It's like that in all social situations when trying to meet new people. If they exclude you, then how will you ever know?How do you even KNOW you have nothing in common with them if they shut you out and never even give you an opportunity to socialize with them?? They have no idea! They are just bring mean, insensitive snobs!And it hurts that your own BF is participating in this behaviour while excluding you. He isn't supposed to do that.Are you sure the SIL doesn't have a secret crush on one of them? Both of them? Ever wondered about that? What is HER motive for shutting you out on purpose? She is one mean b*TCH!!!I would not put up with it. I would call THEM all out on their behaviour. Head on. Not just him. Ignoring them only gives them the power to keep doing it. Tell them it's mean and hurtful and that you are part of the family and have a right to be included. And that they aren't giving you a chance.If they don't change, including your boyfriend, personally it would cause enough resentment in me to kick this relationship to the curb.This guy is far from the caring, loving and supportive boyfriend that he should be.He is choosing them over you. Ever look at it that way?Why don't you take him out with your friends and treat him the exact same way he is treating you? Ignore him while laughing at their jokes. Talk to them while pretending he isn't there. See how HE likes it! Maybe then can you turn around and say to him: "See how it feels? Doesn't feel good at all, does it???"People need to have the shoe put on the other foot to change sometimes. They are just so oblivious to the feelings of others that they should be ashamed of themselves.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 October 2017):
 Honestly? I say something to the likes of:"guys you don't need to huddle and whisper, I can just leave the room"... and then get up and leave.
I think the SIL is enjoying that SHE is the "queen bee" with both twins and you are occasionally left on the side. Which is such childish behavior. Like, asserting her "higher rank" or some crap.
The fact that your PARTNER claim he can no nothing about it and that it's kind of YOUR fault for not having more in common with the 3 of them... that is MESSED up! He is a willing participant to make YOU feel left out. Why would they need to physically exclude you but making this little whisper circle if they are talking about a subject you have no interest in? They surely aren't doing it to not offend you...
His brother is his family and probably the person closest to you, so NO MATTER what... that guy will ALWAYS be in your partner's life.
The fact that you think you should just stay at home and not join in is accepting to be excluded. I would go out with all of them but if they pull the "secret squirrel huddle" I'd let them know that there is no need for that and leave. While I DO think the SIL and your BF are fully aware of this - maybe if it gets pointed out to the whole group at once they will realize what they are doing... or maybe they just don't care.
I have to say this has been going on for 4 years? And you are still with the guy? I don't know... I get that it's not affecting your day to day dating your Bf, but his brother is a HUGE part of his life and this will likely NEVER change. Are you really wanting to be with a guy who thinks this is totally OK?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (30 October 2017):
 What are they discussing that requires them to whisper? You could try asking them that next time they start, or insert yourself into the circle asking "is there room here for me yet?" or simply, silently slip away and leave them to it ....
Personally I wouldn't like mixing with those people, they are all rude and ignorant creating their own little clique and excluding you, are you sure this is the man for you, especially as he knows their behaviour bothers you but doesn't care enough to make changes.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (30 October 2017):
He can't force you to have common interests because that isn't how it works. If the rest of the relationship is fine then just try to bond with your existing friends or meet some new ones. You don't have to try to fit in but go ahead and do something you enjoy doing.
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