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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I just broke up with my long-time boyfriend. I was always checking out other guys and I realized that we were just incompatible or I wouldn't be doing that. I'm actually painfully shy and not the type to objectify men. Anyway, we both knew it wasn't right, so we're both okay and we're staying friends.One of the guys that I was always checking out is his best friend. For months he's been all I think about, and we've become friends over the past decade. I'm a childrens' story writer, so I can't even work as all my imagination is focused on this guy. My ex knows how I feel and he both helps and hurts my chances depending on his mood. Like he knows that I'm happier when the friend is around so he makes sure he's always around, but then he'll tell him something anecdotal about me that he knows isn't flattering, because he's not comfortable with me liking our friend. The trouble is, since my crush is my ex's best friend, and we all live in a multi-family home, we're always a threesome. I feel like I have to be extremely guarded about everything I do and I know I'm projecting a negative, loner attitude because of this. I get frustrated and walk off or if I stay I'll watch t.v. while they talk. Moving isn't an option now, so I can't remove myself. I have to keep living in this set up.Also, the friend has been very strict with himself, thinking that he can't have a girlfriend until he can really afford one and has passed on lots of other opportunities. That makes me wonder, do people really care about that or could it just be an excuse?
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female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 i think you need more male insight on this than anything.
your ex is only being human... as for the best friend, i think it is kind of an excuse because girlfriends don't cost money. but maybe in his head they do?
do whatever makes you happy. your ex should be gentleman enough to graciously deal with it.
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