A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey...So I've been with my fiance for 2 years now and we have a one year old daughter... And we're happy, most of the time. The problem is that I'm crazy paranoid... about everything. HE dated a girl for 3 years before me and she's caused lots of issues between us because of his family remaining in contact with her, the comments they made about her to me and her wanting him back. And things he's said to me like that she had a perfect voice and other good things about her, if you can understand why that would upset me...So my problem is recently I've become overly paranoid and obsessive.about everything and anything... We had been dating four months when I fell pregnant and he told me that if she came back in the beginning of our relationship that he probably would have left me for her. Well, she did come back but only after I was pregnant. She found out form his sister and spent a night crying in a clubs bathrooms. I have never fully gotten over what he said to me.... it made me feel wothless. But now it's affecting me worse. And I don't know why. He says he's changed but I obviously regret just allowing him to say that kind of thing to me and get away with it. But it's done and it was more than a year ago. So I don't really want people telling me to leave him or to get over it... And we talk about it often enough. I just want to know how someone else would have reacted to it and if I have a right to feel the way I feel? I know I was wrong to let him say it to me... and I regret it... But do I have a right to still feel upset?
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female
reader, summerslady21  +, writes (28 May 2009):
My best advice is that you sit him down and just tell him hey you hurt me by what you say and I'd like for it to stop I'm the one here now not her! But yes I'd be upset too its what we are programed to do is have emotions! My fiance did that and his mom loved his ex so it made it hard we fought all the time over it! Its very hurtful trust me. But yeah I just told him it had to stop I'm the one here now I'm the onewho loves him and does for him no one else does! And he told his mom to shut up because she was nothing compaired to what he has now. Now we are doing well have three kids bought our first house together and planning our wedding! It hurts honey you got to be firm and kind of aggressive when she comes up in a conversation. Good luck sweety keep in touch if you want to talk more on this or anything else you can mail me!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Yes it is totally natural to still be feeling hurt by that.. I would of forgot but i would never forget. It seems to me she came back when you was pregnant to test you both and he stayed so doesnt that tell you something but what he said was hurtful and maybe even unforgiveable, if you love him stay with him and hopefully you will learn to forgive but just give it time.
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