A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi hope you can help. For some reason I seem to be self destructing my new relationship with a really nice guy. This past week im not sure what has come over me I have become very insecure about it all, I panic if he doesnt reply to texts or answer the phone to me. I have started bombarding him with calls and texts which is making me worse. My boyfriend works permanent nights so is asleep alot in the day.I have convinced myself that he doesnt want to be with me but doesnt have the balls to tell me. I went to the pub last night where my new man works, he seemed fine with me was friendly and civil. My friend had a chat with him to ask if all was ok because she was worried about me he said all was fine and that he keeps telling me not to worry but I wont listen and he cant win and that I keep getting upset and he cant understand why. Because he works the doors its hard to say goodbye properly so when me and my friend left the pub I just said goodbye to him no kiss no hug etc, by the time we had got to the car park he had gone through the pub to meet us in the car park so he could say goodbye properly. My friend has told me cant I see that he obviously likes me to do that but I just cant seem to believe it. I dont know what to do to save my relationship and my own sanity. Thanks for listening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): The problem is low self-esteem. What you need to do is concentrate on understanding that you can not MAKE someone be with you. They are because they want to be. If you relationship lasts, it lasts. If it doesn't, it will be life and it is part of the gamble of loving. If a person feels that you do not value yourself highly and are insecure, it can bring about the very thing that you fear because it makes you needy and not a challenge to keep. Everyone needs to be challenged by the relationship in the sense that they look up to their partners and because they feel how much they value themselves, they in turn value them.Imagine your arm through his, looking to the future as a team. Stop acting as though you are desparately hanging onto him like a limpet. If he does not text, let it be. Text him the next day. Try to get some confidence about his feelings by holding the fear, waiting and seeing what happens. It will be fine. You also need to balance waiting to hear from him with being confident enough to contact him naturally, you don't need permission. Just don't do it out of fear.One of the best things ever is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Try it, you will be amazed to discover how negative though patterns can wreck your life. I promise that if you do it, you will find a new way of thinking. What happens is that the clever therapist will take you through the pattern of your fear; how something happens and your poor brain sets of a chain of thoughts and you get to the conclusion of disaster before you even know that it could happen.I think there are some exercises on line. Have a look. Lastly, think of your boyfriend like a bar of soap (!!!). Hold him tight and he will launch out of your hand. Hold him in your open palms and he will rest gently there! Good luck.
A
male
reader, b2008 +, writes (26 February 2007):
hi i am not good answering question but i was in relationship like that was wondering why she didnt text back straight away or reply to the messages or answer phone but you got to trust him to work it out with him if you want to be with him cause you cant be in relationship with being insercure all the time that what messed up mine and am hoping she give me another chance she said that she will but more complicated for me but that what i would do have a talk with him relationship is based on communicating with each other all i can say hope you work it out if you need help am here
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