A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Where to start? As we all know the world is in the middle of a crisis pandemic.It has really made me reconsider how much money we're spending on our wedding in 2022. We've only booked the hotel but this alone is £7000. This crisis has really made me reconsider whats important to me and at this point, I just want to get married somewhere with a pretty view with my close loved one. If we were to bring the wedding forward and do this we would lose the deposit at the hotel, which is only £500 but in the grand scheme of things that's not much.Help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2020): Our wedding was meant to be in 3 weeks time. Weve had to postpone it. Our venue have been really great and allowed us to rebook next year at no extra cost. Our band are being dicks and wont even though we paid them £1300. We had wedding insurance but we cant get through to them and we dont think our policy will cover us anyway. It depends how much you are willing to risk for a day you'll never forget.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (31 March 2020):
 This is something the two of you need to discuss and agree. It doesn't matter what others think (unless they are close family and friends whose opinions and feelings you wish to take into consideration). The day is about the two of you and what YOU want it to be.
I don't think you will be the first or the last to rethink your priorities after what we are currently enduring. Many people will come to realize what is important and what is just "fluff". You could always compromise and have a small intimate wedding but then throw a bit of a party for your wider circle of family and friends. It doesn't have to be somewhere expensive or flashy for people to enjoy.
One of the best weddings I have attended was of close friends who didn't have much spare money. They hired a local hall and a Ceilidh band. Anyone who could dance joined in the dancing, adults and children alike. It was fantastic fun. There was little drinking because everyone was too busy dancing so no nastiness broke out because people were inebriated. They did their own catering, with help from family and friends, and everyone loved the simple but tasty food. As I said, still one of the best weddings I have attended.
Another memorable one was a 40s themed one, where everyone dressed up in 40s clothes and the whole evening was done like a wedding from that era. Food was two giant pots of hot pot. Music was 40s with an "instructor" who taught us the moves. Again fantastic fun.
Everyone who went to these two weddings thoroughly enjoyed themselves and many recall them with fond memories to this day whenever people talk about "good" weddings.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (31 March 2020):
 My sincere advice, as a married man, father of Daughters, and veteran of weddings, is simply this. Having a big beautiful wedding is not very important compared to having a big beautiful marriage. In fact people would be much happier if they put as much thought into the marriage as they put into the wedding.
Are there things that you could do that would strengthen the union? Is there something you could do together that would bring you closer?
Quite frankly, money is such a trouble to couples that I can't recommend spending extravagantly at the start of a marriage. Especially for such intangibles as a pretty view. You are not going there to look at the view, and you can't take it home with you.
Basically I think that your mind is in crisis mode right now and you have pared down your thinking to the most essentials. More people your age should think that way.
BTW have you seen Adam Ruins Weddings?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 March 2020):
 I think that in this occasion.. whatever you choose is the right solution. You can't go wrong.
If , due to the Covid 19 Epidemy, or , as for that, due to whatever reason of yours, you have changed your mind and preferences, and you don't wish anymore to have a big ,costly celebration with plenty of people, etc.- it's fine to scale it down as much as you want. It's your wedding day, the way it unfolds needs to fell comfortable ( and memorable ) to you , not to guests, friends, or relatives.. If you feel like doing something simple and intimate, and you want pass around tea and cake in your parents' living room- that's perfectly fine , and since it sounds you can easily absorb the financial loss, go ahead and custom - tailor your wedding according to your wishes.
OTH, if you fear being judged ( and maybe judged by your own conscience !,more than by other people ) because, in the aftermath of such a tragic time, you are going to indulge in something a bit extravagant and lavish…. look, in my country for sure, but I think in other European countries too, the worst beating we are taking and we 'll take is not healthwise,i.e. number of casualties … the worst beating will be financial, for lack of revenue, number of bankruptcies, loss of jobplaces. So, ( at least in my country.but,again, I think other countries won't be that different ) … anything that can give a little push to tourism/ hospitality / food and catering industries, ...and all the other sectors connected to weddings ( flowers, fashion, travel etc. ) is a positive thing. It's not the self-indulgent , narcisist display of extravaganza that you think, or that it could be in other times . You would actually give your little individual contribution to… going back to normal, psychologically and, most of all, economically.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 March 2020):
 What does your future husband say?
This is something only you and your husband can decide. But being more frugal might NOT be a bad idea.
The NOTION of marriage is to celebrate the union between two people in front of family, friends and for some God.
It's not about it being fancy, it's not that you get a better marriage the more you pay for the wedding.
And then there are your guests to consider. With everything going on can they afford to travel to where ever the venue is? To book a night or two etc.?
It can still be an amazing wedding without costing money you may (or your parents) may mot really have.
You still have a GOOD while until 2022. I wouldn't RUSH into anything. TALK it over. Set new goals and work towards them TOGETHER.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (31 March 2020):
 Speak to your fiancée and get their opinion. Personally, I’d take the £500 hit if I could save £6,500! That said, I don’t want an extravagant wedding, so maybe that’s partly why I’d be happy to get the money back and do a smaller service.Weddings are being highly restricted at the moment, since we’re in lockdown. Only funerals are allowed small gatherings, so you may find you can’t have a wedding, but you can get married and have a ceremony later on. I’d still do that or just wait until I could have a small wedding again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2020): Many places are giving back deposits because of the virus.If you have Your wedding now people will not come because they do not want to get sick and possibly die.My niece was supposed to get married in may.....they postponed for one year because of the virus.Chance is your venue will not even be open because it is non essential to live.Only stores and hospitals are open by me...even urgent cares have closed.If you cannot wait why not have a virtual wedding thru Facebook then people could watch while being safe.Who knows how this thing will be by 2022....Do not feel bad about worrying about it your entitled to be worried as it is your wedding.Let just hope this all blows over by then.
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