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He is a true gentleman. Am I worrying too much due to past experiences in relationships?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 August 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 August 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hi, I have begun a relationship with a wonderful man but need advice on a small matter.

Every time we have a date, he will walk with me to my nearest transport stop - whether bus or train - before saying goodbye and going on his journey home

We've been on enough dates for me to realise that he is a true gentleman, which I adore because my ex never cared about how I got home. However, I have now started to feel a bit selfish because sometimes this means him taking an extra half an hour or so to get me to my nearest stop...and he is an incredibly busy and often stressed guy.

Should I say something to him along the lines that he doesn't have to walk me to my stop, even though I love that he does this?

I really was treated very badly in my previous relationship, and never felt like man/woman more like his 'mate' ie. desexualised and non-feminine a lot of the time.

For years I have craved feeling protected, so I am lapping up all the lovely things that this new man does for me, but I don't want it to become a chore for him and I definitely do not want to compromise his masculinity.

Advice please!

View related questions: my ex

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A female reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2012):

Xx-Scorpio-xX agony auntMy boyfriends like this~ he will always walk me home, no matter what time of night nor how long it took him out of his way :) He never seemed to mind once. So just let him do it, as I'm sure he really cares about you, and protecting you makes him feel more manly :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012):

It is obviously something he wants to do, so let him. End of story. Just enjoy a relationship with a caring man. As things develop as hopefully they will, take you cue from him and don't feel unworthy because of your past experiences.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (23 August 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with the other Aunties. LET HIM!

It might taper off over time, but THIS is part of who he is. If he doesn't complain or try and rush you (because he has to spend that extra 30 min. going out of his way to see you to your stop) then please let him.

It's a two way street. He makes you feel safe and cared for and it makes HIM feel like a knight in shining armor.

Enjoy it.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (23 August 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony aunthe's making an effort.... make sure you let him know that you appreciate it and enjoy it but that you worry that it's adding to his stress.

It's his choice to do this...

he sounds lovely...

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (23 August 2012):

oldbag agony auntHi

What a lovely man! Why not make sure that where you go is closer to either your bus,station or home so he doesn't have to walk you far. Or get a cab from where you are to your bus stop/station.He could put you in the cab,know your safe,that way your both happy.If you suggest it he knows then that you care that hes stressed or tired but appreciate the gestures.

It won't be forever will it, as at some point you will start 'stopping over', going home together.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (23 August 2012):

k_c100 agony auntI wouldnt put a stop to this, because if you told him he doesnt have to walk you to your stop then he might feel like you dont appreciate the behaviour and will stop other gentlemanly behaviours.

At the end of the day if he really had no time and it was putting him out to walk you to your stop, then he wouldnt do it. Dont discourage him from doing good things for you, if he is willing to do these things then enjoy it and be thankful you have such a lovely man in your life.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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