A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am considering breaking up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. I've known him since I started college. We were friends at first, but then began dating (After I asked him out). I knew from the very beginning that I wasn't the type of girl he dates, especially from his past few girlfriends. I've lived with him for a year while I was at school. We've both graduated and I'm back home (about 20 min drive from his place). I've always felt like I've loved him more and that he's always placed his school work before me. When we were just friends, I would help him out a lot with his work because he's hearing impaired and has a difficult time reading/writing. When our friendship turned into a relationship, I used to think that he was just using me. Then, we began living together and we would go out a lot more and he spent more time with me and I thought he was really putting effort into the relationship. But, he never wants to do anything in bed (im not sure if that's because he's taking hair growth pills, which supposedly lower a man's sex drive). He never really compliments me, so when he does, I really treasure his words. I've also noticed that it's hard for me to look me in the eyes when we kiss or when i hug him, as if he's not proud of what's before him. Although we went to school together, I've only hung out with a few of his friends and only twice, which again makes me feel like he doesn't want his friends to think that he can't find himself a "hotshot" so he's stuck with me. But, I've met his family in Florida once and stayed at their place for a few weeks and I also met them at graduation. And most importantly, I have a hard time trusting him. When we were friends, he would lie to me about little things like where he was or what he was doing, but when we started dating I told him that I can't be with someone I cant trust, so he got better about it. But, I still have a hard time trusting him from time to time. Sometimes, he lies about very small and silly things, usually when he doesn't want to talk to me on the phone. But, I feel like if I can't trust him with these small things, how will I ever trust him with anything big? Now, since I'll be at home, I won't be able to see him too much. One of our biggest problems is that he's always complaining about how I whine a lot about our relationship. Even if I tell him that I'm sad because I won't be able to see him everyday or that I'm scared that he'll find someone else while I'm not there, he gets mad at me for saying these sort of things. He complains that I whine too much and I'm always talking about negative things. I've tried my very best to stop, but it's gotten to a point where I feel like he's just making excuses for not talking to me or just wants me to leave him alone. I know that I'm insecure in this relationship because I always compare myself to the girls he "checks out" when I'm there or the ones he talks to on fb. I just wish he was more thoughtful and caring towards me and prioritized me more. I feel like everything he does for me/with me, he's always looking to see if there's something in it for him. For instance, if he has an exam coming up in the next few days, he wouldn't want to go out to the movies with me, even if he's been constantly studying. But, I would be willing to take a few hours out to go if I was in his situation. I just feel like he's been looking for a way out for a long time too or just isn't really into me. Or, maybe he's been using me this whole time. I literally help him out with a lot of his school work. But then, why take so much time out of your schedule for someone else?I know my post is long, but I would really appreciate it if you guys can give me your opinion! Thanks!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): It sounds like you need to put yourself back out there. It also sounds like you are not happy. You truly need to trust the ones you love and if you can't trust him on little things, I don't think you will be able to trust him on big things. You should explain how you feel, and just move on with your life, because once one thing happens more things that you don't like can happen. So if you want to know my answer talk to him maybe you could work it out, but if not well then i am sorry but i don't think that the relation ship will last!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 August 2014):
 Sounds like you're not happy, and he isn't giving you what you want/need in a relationship. Instead of clinging on to something that isn't good enough for you, you should let him go. He'll never be a better boyfriend, and you will always wonder if he's lying to you, or if he's ashamed of you or whatever. Because hanging out with his friends twice in three years is really not that much... Not that it necessarily means he doesn't like you or wants to hide you from his friends, it doesn't really mean anything in itself. But when looking at the big picture, all these little things combined makes you unhappy. Feeling like he doesn't treasure you. Feeling like you're not good enough for him. Even though, in all honesty, sounds like he isn't good enough for you.
For someone else he might be the perfect man. And for someone else you might be the perfect woman. So why not say that okay, you tried, but you weren't happy, so you decided to let go? It's okay, it's allowed. Doesn't mean he's a bad person, doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just means you were better off as friends, and there are others you are more compatible with.
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