A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused as to what he wants from me. I love him so much but why wont he ask me out if he claims to have these feelings for me. We met a few years ago, we fell in love, he disappeared we moved on.5 years later we met up again, and feelings came back. we have been "talking", for a few months and I love him ( I don't need you guys to tell me I don't because I do). He works in the army and he says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but he's afraid he wont be faithful to me because he's young so he wants to wait. I agree I want things to work out so I don't think we should date right now so we just label ourselves as Best friends. Anyway he always says things that leave me confused like he doesn't usually tell me his feelings. So some day's he will say that I should go out and spend my life with someone great, the next he says he wants to be that person. He called me when he was drunk and he was afraid he was going to die so I stayed up with him trying to calm him down, and he told me stuff like I am the most amazing women he knows, That he just wants to be a perfect boyfriend for me because I'm the perfect girlfriend and that I don't deserve to be treated this way. He said that He loves me so much and that if I ever left him he would ____ Himself. That I was the only girl that could hurt him and he's afraid of losing me. He just told me soo much stuff that he usually holds back. He told me that he's going to be with me forever and that he's glad we're together. He usually calls me his friend, but every once in a while in front of his friends he'll call me his girlfriend, or his baby. We do kiss and cuddle and do what couples do ( except have sex!) and make out and he told me he hasn't been with anyone since we been talking, and I haven't either. Yesterday I asked him what did he mean by all that and he ignored me, and I stopped talking and he said tell me what's bothering you and I asked him why he said what he said last night and he got mad and said "just forget it! I didn't mean whatever I said I don't even remember what I said, drop it". So I did. Later that night I asked him, how he felt about me and he said "you're my best friend, I thought we talked about this, did something change?" and I just said no. after I asked him that he said "yu know I wouldn't mind spending my life with you" and I told him not to tell me that stuff and he said okay that was weird, but whatever. Should I just ignore the things He said to me when he was drunk ? He never tells me how he feels he just gives me hints.. Should I just keep things between us plutonic ? no more kissing and stuff.. But if I do im afraid I would lose him and I don't think I can deal with that.How do I handle this?
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 September 2013):
Who knows why he is the way he is, but the bottom line is that it's pretty certain that you'll never be treated the way you want to be treated. No matter what his "true" feelings are, this is what you can expect from him.
Btw, if you think you love him, wait until you find a guy who actually treats you well!
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 September 2013):
 i would never tell you that you don't love him. clearly you do - as only a person in love would choose to put up with all that crap.
he's playing with your mind and you're allowing it to happen. he's brain washing you into believing that it's for the best that you two don't have a relationship and just stay friends. he's got your convinced that it's for your own good that he not be with you. reality? he's got you so blinded, you don't see it for what it really is: his lack of commitment to you. he doesn't want to be with you, otherwise, he would be. he's playing you, all while using the cloak of "friendship" to seem like a good guy.
his drunken phone call meant nothing. it wasn't some hidden insight into the inner workings of his brain. he was just drunk and rambling. as he said, he probably doesn't even remember what he said. and when you brought it up to talk about it, he let it be known he wasn't having it. he wanted nothing to do with that conversation.
a man who loved you back would absolutely want to commit to you (in the same way you know you want to commit to him, whether you admit it or not). and a man who loved you wouldn't be afraid to discuss his feelings for you when you brought it up.
this man doesn't love you. he's manipulating you and treating you like crap. open your eyes and realize it, dear. the sooner, the better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2013):
 He is right - you do NOT deserve to be treated the way he treats you.
He wants to be single just in case he finds "greener grass" but til he does you are his "security blanket" or "fall-back girl". He is stringing you along like a champ and you accept the little tidbits he drops for you to keep you hanging on.
Yes you should keep things PLATONIC (not plutonic that might be.. well, explosive)
Yes, you need to ignore what he tells you when he is drunk. He is feeling lonely and sappy and like the "girlfriend experience" without the hassle and obligations a REAL relationship would mean.
I think you need to step back a little and figure out if you want this "carrot" he keeps dangling (relationship - marriage) or not, because if that is what you want - HE might not be the guy for you. Because he is SO far from ready and willing.
He likes the fantasy. He likes you, but not enough to make it official or try and make it work.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (30 September 2013):
Hi there. He wants you and then he gets a bit scared of his own feelings, apparently.
And that's why he seems to back off a bit, the way he does.
If he was drunk as you say, when he said a lot of those things to you, well then just take it as not being too serious.
Reminding yourself that he was drunk at the time.
Although, when people are under the influence of alcohol, they often let down their guard, and say what they are really thinking.
And so what he said may well be true, but he wouldn't have the guts to say it when he is sober.
So just don't talk about it once he is sober.
Try and forget he said it at all, as much as you can.
It only seems to lead to some very awkward moments.
As he said and you agree with him, you don't want to get too serious now while you are still both very young, and so you may have to be content with being good friends for now.
And if it happens that you do meet someone else you would like to go out with, well then go out with them.
You are not bound to this guy you talk about here, you have both made it quite clear you don't want to get too serious at the moment.
And so there is a clear understanding between you, isn't there?
Ignore when he said - or rather hinted at - if you ended it with him or found someone else, he would take his own life.
I find it very difficult to believe he would do that.
It is like a controlling thing people sometimes do, to keep things the way they want them to be.
So for that reasdon, ignore those types of comments from him.
And DO NOT let it make you feel guilty, in any way.
I really don't believe he would stoop so low as to actually go ahead and do that, if he lost you to someone else.
And it is very cruel for him to even say that to you, to try and stop you going out with someone else.
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