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female
,
anonymous
writes: HI there,My ex, and I broke up about 11 months ago. We went out for over a year, however our relationship wasn't a proper one. I wasn't ready at the time, and he was dying to go out with someone, me (well so he claimed)! In the end, I couldn't make a commitment to him, and very soon after that, he started seeing another girl, taking her to places we were. I was really hurt, and even though the odd time I got nice texts from him while he was with her, I decided that I couldn't be friends with him, as I couldn't bare knowing about him and her. Out of the blue I got an email recently from him wondering if I was in love, and if I was he was delighted for me, and he was dying to meet for a cup of tea and a chat. (Sometimes I wonder how he could switch so quickly after being so in love with me, was he being genuine at all). I met him, but I couldn't bring myself to ask him about his relationship, to which I found out later that he was single again. I met him out then one night, and I know I was very flirtatious, and I proceeded to tell him how sorry I was if I had treated him with disrespect when we dated, that I was soo jealous when he brought his girlfriend to a hotel we had been very passionate in and that i've been thinkin of him alot since he emailed me. He just smiled and said that we're better as friends, and he called a cab for me. My friend firmly believes he's still into me, by the way he looks at me.I told him to come and visit me in my new house, which he helped me get..he said yeah, for sure, but i knew he never would.I then started having doubts about my own relationship and I broke up with my then boyfriend. And to be honest I've thought about my ex alot since. My ex and I have been intouch recently, he knows that i am single, and he was all on for meeting, but as soon as I suggested a day to meet, he avoided answering me, and I haven't heard from him since. Am I being foolish now, thinking that there's a chance again? When we dated originally, I kept telling him that we were better off as friends, so we kept breaking up, and then getting back together. To be honest, I wanted it all, him, no commitment. I feel that I was really mean to him, I knew he was mad about me, I loved chatting to him, and we really had a connection, but it was on my terms. I guess he finally had sense and just moved on. Thats what i would have done. MAybe I deserve it all. But, I can't help feeling that he is now maybe being mean to me deliberately, or maybe I should just accept that its totally over, that I fecked up. Sometimes I 'd love to be friends with him, but when I hear from him, it just messes me up a bit, and I find myself thinking about him.He is always very charming and sweet, even somewhat flirtatious in his emails, and I suppose I pick up signals from them. I wish he wouldn't do this to me if he has no intentions of getting back with me. I feel emotionally closed right now, because deep down I feel maybe there is hope again, but I also feel that if I never hear from again, then i'll know that I must forget about him, maybe its best. He is a very PROUD man, and always has to be in control. I suppose at the end of the day, I am wondering is it best just to forget about him? Would I be making a fool of myself if I told him how I felt? I she just being a nice guy or is he messing me about a bit? Am I crazy about this guy, and afraid to face it, if the feelings aren't returned?A very confused lady.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Your big sis +, writes (27 January 2006):
 Dear A Very Confused Lady,
You are beating yourself up over this. Darlin' we all make mistakes at one time or another. But we learn from them and grow into better people. Your situation reminds me of the old saying, "Don't know what you got until it's gone." Well, I'm sure you've found that out to be true. Unfortunately your ex knows that old saying too and is now using it to his advantage. I think you are right about him being mean and deliberately stringing you along. But he's human too, honey. He got hurt by you and maybe he's getting some sort of satisfaction from getting you all confused. It's best to let him be because it seems he will always spite you over past mistakes. Chalk it up to lessons learned. And give yourself some time to clear your mind and heart to start dating again. Best of luck to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): Why don't you just ask him?
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