A
female
age
51-59,
*anditbabie
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years We are both is our 40s .. We both live in our parents house to save money .. He is divorced with two children. He pays for everything in his parents house and also pays for almost everything for his children they are 18 and 16 .. His ex doe snot make that much .. He helps his mom with his dad and he had a stroke .. I have asked to live together and eventually get married.. He says he canot leave there so I asked to let me move in with him and his parents he says he is to proud to ask his mom .. so I said if you cannot leave and I cannot live there how are we supposed to move forward he says wait and be patient it will happen someday .. How long should I wait .. His mom did ask me in the past to move in but at the the time I was unsure .. I feel selfish asking bt I also would like a boyfriend full time in my life we only see each other on weekends .. any advice
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divorce, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 April 2015):
 After reading your re-submit.. I can't help asking: Why don't his parents SELL THEIR HOUSE to him???? .... with a "reverse mortgage"????? Here in the State, that gets their house OUT OF THEIR estate.... but gives them life-rights (they make that a stipulation of the sale).... and THEN, the house is NOT in their estate if/when they die.. and, prior to their passing, he - and they - don't have to dicker with Medicare and Medicaid as to the VALUE of their estate.... which VALUE determines if they are entitled to ask for Medicaid relief and assistance if/when they need it....
I think your boy needs to consult with an "elder lawyer" about this.... because the alternative (doing nothing) has the potential to be a calamity .... from which he may never recover.....
P.S. My brother and I bought my Mother's house about 20 years before she died.
Good luck... but, please... be smart...
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 April 2015):
"Playing house" is not part of "the answer" to your "problem."
You need to decide if this guy is ever going to "cut the apron strings" to him Mommy......
The sad thing is that - by his plans - he (and you) are predicating your prospective future on his parents' demise.... AND, his growing up.... and it's quite late for that.....
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 April 2015):
 He's not going to say, wait until both of our parents die. Although this is what many people think. In front of you they would say they wish in laws live a long life but secretly they feel life is more convenient without them there. Maybe if he helps them out as much as he could, then he gets a deal like he gets the house after they both die. Then he can sell the house, or rent it out so he could invest the money for a better place. But this is a private matter that people are afraid to delve deeply into.
I am sure he wants the same thing as you but can't find a better alternative. If he thinks renting a place is a good idea he would have said so. I also understand that once you move out of your parents', it's for a house together. It wouldn't make sense to leave, then to rent somewhere else when the money is better off invested in something long term.
If moving forward means being able to make love regularly without feeling sneaky, I get ya. Otherwise if he is the love of your life you would be happy just dating him as much as you live with him full time. I would compromise with just staying for the weekends, alternatively. It's about how much you can sacrifice the present for the bigger picture, the future.
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A
female
reader, banditbabie +, writes (10 April 2015):
banditbabie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought of getting an apt nearby. I can only afford so much. He cannot help me. But still he will not live there he will only come visit on weekends I do understand he has to take care of his children. I have always told him that they come first. College is coming and I understand that. He also will not come visit of I do not get an apt that is clad by. He says he needs to be close to his kids I understand that too. He says shy should he live in an apt when he can live in his parents. He is hoping to buy the house at some point from his oarents then he says I can live there but he does not know when.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 April 2015):
 What exactly are you supposed to wait for? For hos parent to die? His kids to move out? What exactly? I'd ask him that.
Would it not be possible to find a small place (even a rental) that the TWO of you can live in ? One that is close by? Now the 16 year old I GET she/he has to live with his dad or mom and that he dad has to take care of both children financially and emotionally. THAT is what DADS do.
OR (since you are in your 40's) YOU can find a place close by his parents and he can come stay.
YOU have to decide how long you are willing to wait.
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