A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Back in Feb. I met a wonderful woman and we started on the journey of a long distance relationship. It worked for a while and then she couldn't deal with the distance. We decided to just be friends. The unfortunate thing, I fell in love with her. We still talk two and three times a day, but I have tried to distance myself for me. Can't hide my heart though. She says we were meant to be friends, but doesn't totally rule out another time, although she doubts it. She still will slip up and say honey and then say things like your so cute. She calls first thing in the morning and last thing at night and says just checking on me. I'm moving there in a few weeks and not because of her but a good job. She says she talks to her friends about me a lot. She says I think we are in limbo. She says I say sweet words to her, I always touch her heart by being so open with my feelings. She continues to have the same concern that this confusion our relationship has been facing could possibly set me up for getting hurt. She says she could never forgive herself if she ever hurt me. She tells me I have given her more than I know. She thinks I am perfectly capable of making the judgement that if I feel the relationship is not right for me, I should put an end to it. She says she doesn't feel she is ready to date anyone else. But then she calls all the time to say you need to hurry up and move here or I miss you or you know when to call me, because I was missing you. And last night her friends were telling her she needs to get out there and date and test the waters. We both have laughed that we were on a date site before we met and we had looked at each others profile back then even before we met by chance. We met a month later at a function in my town. She had come here for vacation and we talked and got to know each other. It wasn't until after she left that we realized we had checked out each others profile. Tonight I got a email message from that site saying due to inactivity we will be deleting your profile and decided to go delete my page and then when I looked at my people of interest, I saw she had reactivated hers not less than an hour before and she was still online while we were talking on the phone. That has thrown me for a loop. So what would you do??? Is she now lying to me by saying she is not ready to date and then reactivating her page. I did delete mine. Should I confront her about that???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Hi, Thanks for writing back. Then you go with good luck and many wishes for success. I think you have your feet on the ground. Take care always.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, no i am definately not moving there because of her. the job is far better there and more money. i have not been in this area long enough to build ties to this area.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (16 July 2008):
Hi there, Well it does appear, that there was activity for her on the site, but suppose it was all talk, and she never dated anyone. It also could be that she likes to flirt, I see that from how she approaches you, there is a flirtatious spirit, which is fine. My point is, maybe you are her main person to be involved with and the other people are just people to stroke her ego. She seems to be preparing you though, for the possibilty of a let down, I had a male friend of mine tell me that he didn't want to disappoint me, what he was actually saying was that he was going to disappoint me. I wrote a poem entitled "Should Have Believed Yah" about the experience. So, I see warning signs here, I hope you are able to discern them as well. Your transfer to where she is, should not depend solely on the two of you being a couple, because if so, you may be sorry you moved close to her. Then again I am a believer in risk taking, as one of my sisters said to me, take the train to the last stop. See just what lies at the end, otherwise you will never know, it could turn out to be great. Just have a backup plan if it doesn't, and never allow anyone, complete control over your emotions if you can, and if you already have, then you have to be able to be flexible, because you never know what the other person will do, you can only know yourself, hopefully. Regarding the website, don't confront her in an adversarial way, just bring it up as a sidebar, not of too much import, putting the emphasis on the fact that your page was shut down because of inactivity, how is her's doing, or something to that effect, please don't be sarcastic as I think my question sounds. :o) I think I would take this slow, if you still plan to move there, I would make sure that she is not my sole reason for moving there, if so, you need a safety net, if only mentally. If it does not work out, you don't want to crash and burn, if you know what I mean, and your former friends will be somewhere else . when and if that happens, you need a support system. These are my thoughts, I am sorry to be so long winded, but my thoughts tend to cover extensive terroritory, I therefore apologize. I hope I have helped you in some way. Take care always, let us hear from you, but please make your decision to move based on what is good for you, not anyone else.
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