A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What is wrong with my ex ?.I'm confused. He is the one who contacts me first most of the time ( I hardly contact him, but he contacts me every few weeks to see how I am doing ). He contacted me on Wednesday last week, and asked me if I wanted to go for a drink with him, so I did. Everything was fine when we were out, although, he paid for all my drinks. I only have half pints though, so they aren't that expensive, and I only had three. I told him that I would be going out again last Saturday. I met up with some friends first, but they had to go home early, so I tried to call my ex to see if he was going out. I was on my own at that point, so I thought I would try to ask. I couldn't get through to him on the phone, so I called for my lift home. I waited for my lift on the street that is next to the pub that I was in. I walked down the road, as I didn't want to stand near the pub while I waited. I received a message from my ex the next day, asking me why I called him. I told him that I called to see if he was going out. I told him which pub I had been in. He told me that I was outside the pub, and mentioned what I had been wearing that day. So, he must have either seen me, or someone he knows saw me and told him. He asked me why I hid down the road ( he must have wondered why I was further down the road ). I told him that I waited for my lift home. He sent me another message the next day, saying he couldn't afford to keep buying me drinks. He also said that I didn't go home , and that someone had seen me later on , on Saturday night. I'm not sure why he said that. I told him that it wasn't me. He also told me to leave him alone. Should I just ignore him next time I see him, or should I try to ask him what the problem is ?. He only works part time, but I don't think this is about how much money he has. Also, I don't expect him to keep buying me drinks. When we were out another time, my friend and I bought all of his drinks. He didn't buy us any. I hardly ever go in the pub that we usually meet in. When he contacted me last week, I hadn't been in for a few weeks, and I hadn't contacted him since I last saw him. He also mentioned that he hadn't seen me in the pub for a while, so I just assumed that he wanted to meet a bit more often.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): Why do you think he asked about why I was further down the road from the pub ?. Do you think he didn't believe that I was waiting for my lift home ?. I feel stupid now too, as he probably thinks that I only went to the pub to look for him. I had been out with some friends somewhere else earlier in the day, but they left earlier, so I went to the other pub alone, and I thought I would contact my ex while I was there, as that was where we met up a few days earlier.I don't want to avoid going in that pub, as I like it in there, and I don't think I should have to avoid going any where. He goes in there quite regularly , so it might be hard to ignore him. I know I will have to try not to speak to him though. I would like to ask him what the problem is, but I know he might not speak to me. I think I will only go in there when I can go in there with someone else, such as a friend or relative. I wont go in there alone again. I agree that the way he has treated me is evil. I wish I hadn't met up with him now, and I wish I had just ignored his texts.I am the one who approaches him sometimes when I see him in the pub, but he is always the one who texts me first every few weeks. So I guess we still like each other. He has even bought drinks for me and my mum sometimes when he has seen us in the pub. One of his friends also told me ages ago that my ex likes me but he doesn't have much money. Money isn't an issue to me though.
A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (28 July 2013):
 1) Staying in touch with our exes is unhealthy and does not turn out well. We may be trying to be "mature" but the most mature thing is cutting ties.
2) This man thinks he owns you. That is why he calls you and that is why he believes he has the right to police you about how far from the pub you were standing. He really believes you were trying to hide something, as if he's worth that effort. Probably afraid you're doing with other guys exactly what he's doing with other girls. (I am so sorry to put it so bluntly- I know it must be painful, you obviously care about him)
3) You do not need to feel guilty about a guy buying you a drink. You also do not need to apologise. Particularly when we are talkinf about a grown mab who made the desicion to ask you out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 July 2013):
 Ignore him and CUT all contact. He is not in it for YOU at all - he contacts YOU when he wants someone to stroke his ego but he doesn't have to put forth an effort. The fact that he started to ACCUSE you of stuff just proves that he thinks he somehow has a right to know what you do, even if he doesn't have any.
Cut the cord, move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013): I agree with daisy he is your ex for a reason, this is why they say an ex is your past and anything from the past if they have nothing new to say don't open an invitation. So he invited you for a casual drink maybe to stroke his ego and find out whether you have moved on or still pining for him. It is just a male thing, we like to know whether we still have a hold over you or not.
For you to then contact him to see if he is around, the guy must have thought so I invited her out for a few drinks and she is ringing me now. He is making excuses my dear, not to contact you so he is making out like you have no class and you was with someone else that night and made up this story of you lying to him.
I would cut him loose, your past is irrelevant work on your future. There is a reason why you two broke up always keep that in mind and just cherish whatever good memories you may have had with him, if any.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 July 2013):
 The question is not what is wrong with your ex (though I can tell you: he contacts you for an ego stroke) but why you haven't cut ties with him?
Next times he checks in to "see how you are doing", do not reply. It is none of his business.
He's your ex for a reason. He's not your friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013): Read this and it will give you some insight, and hopefully some comfort.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-does-the-dumper-feel-after-dumping-you.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013): I know you've heard of the "no-contact rule." You are staying in touch with your ex because you are hanging on hoping he'll come back. He is just keep that false-hope alive to keep you from dating other men. He is being possessive of you even when you're supposedly no longer a couple. You're being dependent and clingy.
END ALL CONTACT AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
If he can't afford to buy you drinks, he shouldn't invite you out and pay the bill. In fact, he shouldn't be calling or taking your out if he is your "EX!"
You're just his girlfriend "ON HOLD!" Yes "on hold" until he finds someone he can replace you. He is keeping tabs on you through a two-faced friend who is among you crowd that tells him everything you do. That's how he's keeping tabs to slap you down with. You're being desperate and foolish.
You have to let go. You are still living through the very reason that caused you two to end the relationship. Jealousy, manipulation, and control issues. He is a bully.
He calls you to keep the emotional wounds of the breakup nice and fresh. He peels off the scab so your wound will not heal. He isn't concerned about your well-being, he wants to be sure you're not gaining the strength to move on before he does. He's searching for your replacement. If he wanted you, you'd still be together.
Just the fact he has spies on you is evil. He throws things back in your face. Like a weak little kitten you're cowering under his anger.
What you do and where you go is none of his business. What is it going to take for you to realize the relationship is over and that you are free?
Only by breaking contact will you be able to recover and break free of his control. Go online and read everything you can about getting over a breakup and the "no-contact" rule. It's to your benefit to initiate your healing process as soon as possible.
My dear, you are setting yourself up for the biggest slam a guy can lay on you. He is going to keep you hanging on until he has another female; then he's going to break contact with you altogether. He may already have one.
You have the right to ignore this advice. I only hope you don't have to learn the hard way.
If you're still calling him, you undoubtedly will learn the hard way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013): An ex is an ex for a reason he is your pastthey often say you can never be friends with your ex and if you do then it questions whether you two are justcomplicating each other lives. You need to let it go! He just wanted to see if you moved on go that they comeback to see if their ex his still willing to meet up with them a casual link. For you to then phone him asking if he is around is a no-no there is no need too and he is probably thinking we are exs so why she blowing up my phone now for i didnt expect it so he is making an excuse of you not going hope that night but waiting around for someone else so that he can dissappear. Next time he pops up to you ignore him!! If he really cares he will make an effort and not throw it bk in your face with " buying you drinks etc his a souche who wanted an ego boost! Goodluck.
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