A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I just have a question about the definition/s of "true love".I've dated many guys but I never felt as strongly as I did about my ex. We were together for a year. He was 2 years younger than me (16). I would have done anything for him and I always felt the need to take care of him and when he was affectionate towards me, I felt like the happiest girl in the world. But, my feelings were one-sided. He often acted like he didn't care as much about me. Was late on dates, rarely complimented me, just didn't act like he was into me. I cried regularly because I felt so unloved at times. After a year, he dumped me saying he no longer had feelings for me, and he even asked out another girl the DAY AFTER breaking up with me. But my feelings for him were consistent from the first day till the last day of our relationship. It was VERY hard to get over him but I managed to do it.Now, my current boyfriend (he's 22) treats me a lot better than he did, in fact he treats me better than any other guy has. He compliments me a lot, doesn't pressure me for sex, offers to pay for everything, gives me lots of little gifts, texts/calls me every single day, cuddles with me lots and holds my hand everywhere we go. I used to play little games with guys to keep them into me (waiting a long time to text back, not revealing too much about myself, etc.) but with him I haven't had to play ANY games for him to care about me. I thought I could never trust or love another guy but with him I trust him with my whole heart and never feel suspicious of him. When my dad was in the hospital, he held me when I cried and drove me to the hospital. I even threw up in public (got an illness) and he didn't get embarrassed, he stuck with me and helped me out. He's always looking out for me and worried about my safety. I feel like my feelings are completely reciprocated with him. I feel very happy, comfortable, safe and confident with him. And I would do anything for him, too. So, my questions are: Was what I felt towards my ex "true love" even though it wasn't reciprocated? Does my current boyfriend truly love me? I guess I'm just confused about what true love is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): This is the OP.I never said that I didn't have feelings for my current bf, but I can see how it would seem that way from my post.I didn't want to make my post too lengthy. But I do have feelings for him, very strong ones, and I care about him a whole lot. In fact this is the first time I've ever been into a guy, and have him into me just as much, so I am very happy. If my ex boyfriend asked for me back I'd tell him to f*ck off as my current relationship makes me so happy and I never want to lose my boyfriend. He's the only guy in my heart. So no, male anon, this is not a case of "nice guy finishes last" or "jerk gets the girl" or anything like that lol. I was just wondering if love that isn't reciprocated is still "true love", because I was reflecting on my past experiences. But thanks to everyone for your answers :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): I think your current BF is a little too much of a perfect guy and it is hurting your feelings for him. It sounds like you were more madly emotionally attracted to your ex-BF because he wasn't as easily won and gave you more drama.
See also: women like jerks, nice guys finish last
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 July 2014):
 True Love is like Happily Ever After and Closure. It's an expression or IDEAL. NOT reality. It's what we all WANT.
Your ex was your "FIRST love" in the sense that he was the first you let into your heart. DOESN'T mean he actually loved you back or HAD to have loved you back. HE was 16! He probably didn't have a clue on HOW to treat a girl right, HOW to make her feel good, HOW to have a relationship. NEITHER did you, but you TRIED.
Now you have found someone who is a GREAT match for you in every way. AND THAT is love. When you get to share life with someone whom you can BE yourself with (even when sick) - you have found someone special :)
"TRUE" has nothing to do with it.
Don't overthink this. Enjoy it. And remember a good healthy relationship takes work and effort.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 Love is hard enough to identify much less 'true love' My definition is being able to gaze into the other person's eyes and just know what she is feeling and just sigh!It's more of a feeling than an act or definable 'thing'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2014): "True Love" is a phrase that's been around for centuries. The original meaning of the word "true" didn't mean "real" or "actual" as it does today. It meant FAITHFUL and HONEST so the fact that your ex did not reciprocate this feeling would mean that the love was not "true" in that respect.
It's a phrase so don't let it bother you. Are you doubting your love for your curent boyfriend because of this?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2014): True love's just the one that sticks long term, your ex definitely wasn't that. You just had chemistry and youth with him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 July 2014):
 Perhaps it would be helpful if you got guys' points-of-view about true love. You'll find that they run across an entire spectrum defined thusly:
1. Some guys can't experience "love" while they and their partner have clothes on, and,
2. Other guys are able to experience "true love."
Does this help?
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A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (1 July 2014):
 It happens to many of us. We fall madly in love with a person but it is not reciprocated. In your case, you were really into your ex, you stayed with him though you felt unloved at times, you accepted everything. You were his doormat. You have loved him truly but even when you love a person truly, you are not his doormat. Its obvious that you do not feel the same way for your new boyfriend. At times what we can have strong feelings for a scumbag but we dont feel the same for a good caring person. We cannot force feelings, they dont obey any logic
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